


Family Snapshots

by drivingmishcrazy



Series: Lovesick [2]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Family Fluff, Growing Up, Humor, Teen Angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-03
Updated: 2020-06-15
Packaged: 2021-02-22 20:49:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 40
Words: 66,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23000194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drivingmishcrazy/pseuds/drivingmishcrazy
Summary: Companion to Lovesick. Derek and Emily had three wonderful daughters named Julia, Mia, and Gianna. This fic follows them and the girls back and forth throughout the years.
Relationships: Derek Morgan/Emily Prentiss
Series: Lovesick [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1652950
Comments: 21
Kudos: 60





	1. Growing Pains

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all! This fic follows Derek and Emily as well as their daughters from my previous fan fiction Lovesick. This is NOT told in chronological order so at the beginning of each chapter, I’ll note the ages of the girls in each chapter to give you an idea of where you’re at in their lives. I hope you enjoy reading because I have really come to love writing these characters.

_ Julia Morgan, age 12 _

_ Mia Morgan, age 9 _

_ Gianna Morgan, age 7 _

They had come up with a code some time ago for a non-emergency crisis involving the girls. They had only ever had to use it a handful of times over the years, so when Emily saw the text on her lunch break from Derek, her heart leapt in her throat.

_ 611- Julia _

She quickly dialed her husband’s number, tapping her fingers on her desk impatiently as it ringed too many times for her liking, the buffalo chicken wrap she had gotten for lunch momentarily forgotten. Derek had barely picked up the phone before she ambushed him.

“What happened?” Emily said. “What’s going on?”

“Settle down, princess.” Derek said. “The whole point of the text is that it’s  _ not  _ an emergency.”

“I know.” She said. “But I’m her mother. Now what is wrong with Julia?”

“She got her period today.” He sighed. “In AP History, they called me to come pick her up.”

“Oh man.” Emily said. “How is she?”

“How would you be?” He asked. “She’s embarrassed, emotional, she doesn’t really wanna talk to me about it, so I just bought her some pads and didn’t really push it. She showered and then locked herself in her room.”

“I’ll talk to her.” She said. “Do you think I should come home early? I could probably take off in a couple of hours if I needed to.”

“She’ll be fine, Emily.” Derek said. “I think she needs some time alone first anyway, don’t rush home.”

“Okay.” She said. “I’ll see you when I get home.”

Emily was driven to distraction the rest of the afternoon, so much so that she wondered if maybe she shouldn’t have taken the rest of the day off for the sake of her own sanity. She’d had a feeling that it was coming, Julia had been moodier as of late, and she wasn’t a little girl anymore. Emily and Julia had had several discussions about Julia’s changing body and Emily had tried her best to be open with her daughter about what she could expect to happen. Still, getting it in the middle of school was a nightmare that every girl hoped to avoid, and today it had become Julia’s reality.

When Emily got home that evening, Mia and Gianna were sitting at the kitchen doing homework while snacking on grapes and bickering casually while Derek worked on dinner. Julia was noticeably absent.

“How is she?” Emily asked, kissing Derek and then her two younger daughters.

“Left her room once for crackers.” Derek said. “But she turned down the volume on the Sonic Youth.”

“Why does she  _ listen  _ to that stuff?” Mia asked without looking up from her homework, pushing her glasses up with the tip of her pencil. “Gigi! Stop kicking my seat!”

“I  _ didn’t  _ kick your seat!” Gianna shot back. “I’m  _ trying _ to do my math, just because  _ you  _ wanna fight-!”

“Girls…” Derek warned.

“She started it!” Gianna said. “I didn’t do anything!”

“Did not!” Mia said. “Mom, make her stop!”

“You guys!” Emily said, rolling her eyes. “Both of you stop! I’ve gotta go talk to your sister so could you guys  _ please  _ try to not kill each other til I come back?”

“Fine.” The girls said in unison. Derek just grinned and shook his head and Emily smiled back before turning on her heel and creeping up the stairs. The door to Julia’s room was, predictably, closed and locked. Emily knocked softly, leaning her head against the door.

“Jules?” She said. “Baby, it’s Mom. Can you open the door please? I really wanna talk to you.”

Emily heard a shuffling followed by a  _ click  _ and what sounded like a flop and when she tried the door again, it opened to reveal a conspicuously neat and organized room, save for the pile of blankets on the bed with a curly puff of a ponytail sticking out from underneath them. Emily sat down on the edge of the bed.

“Daddy told me what happened.” She said. “Are you okay?”

The pile of blankets shifted in what Emily took for a shrug.

“Had to happen sometime.” Julia said, her voice muffled. “It’s natural, that’s what you told me.”

“You’re right, it is.” Emily said. “But that doesn’t mean you can’t feel upset or scared about it.”

“How about angry?” Julia asked, poking her head up from beneath the covers. Her light brown skin was splotchy and her eyes were swollen.

“Yeah, Jules.” Emily chuckled. “Anger is a pretty common one to feel about getting your period.”

“It’s not even that.” She said. “If I had gotten it at home I wouldn’t have even  _ cared,  _ Mom! Like, it’s annoying but whatever, Kaylee and Rhiannon got theirs already, so I  _ knew  _ I was gonna be next.”

“But you got it at school…” Emily said. “You wanna tell me what exactly happened?”

Julia sighed. “I started feeling weird when I woke up this morning.” She said. “I figured I was just hungry or whatever, so I grabbed an extra orange before Dad dropped me off at school.”

Emily nodded. “Okay.”

“I felt fine during homeroom and English, but then I got to History class and my stomach started hurting really bad.” Julia continued. “I thought I was gonna puke, so I asked if I could use the bathroom, and when I got up, this mouthbreather Justin Walsh yelled ‘Shark week’ and that’s how I found out.”

“Oh my god.” Emily groaned. “Julia, I’m sorry.”

“Everyone saw, Mom.” Julia said, her face crumpling and her eyes filling with tears. “It was all over my pants, and Jenna told him to shut up but it was too late. And then they had to call Dad to come take me home and he was  _ trying  _ to be nice but he’s  _ Dad _ and I-“

The rest of the sentence was lost as sobs bubbled up from Julia’s throat and tears spilled over her cheeks. She buried her face in Emily’s shoulders and Emily wrapped her arms around her daughter, kissing the top of her head and rocking her back and forth, just as she had done since Julia was a baby. It was all Emily could do not to burst into tears herself, seeing the pain and humiliation written on Julia’s face, knowing what her little girl, her first born baby had gone through. She rubbed soothing circles against Julia’s back.

“I know, sweetheart.” Emily said. “I know, and I’m so sorry that that happened to you.”

“My back hurts so bad, Mom.” Julia whined. “And my tummy, it  _ hurts  _ Mommy! Everything hurts!”

“I know it does.” Emily said. “But we’ve got Tylenol and heating pads, and I know a couple of other tricks to help with the cramps, okay baby?”

“Okay.” Julia said. “Mom, don’t leave me.”

“I won’t, baby.” Emily said, touching a hand to her daughter’s tearstained cheek. “I’m coming right back and I’m gonna do my best to make this better.”

True to her word, Emily came back with Tylenol, heating pads, and peppermint tea, and she got to work getting Julia settled. Then she just held her daughter while she cried, though Julia’s full-body sobs has quieted to little sniffles, and Emily and Derek made an exception to their “No eating in your room” rule that night. Afterward, once Julia felt better, Emily took her out for ice cream and they put on one of Julia’s favorite movies, snuggling under the blankets as they had often done over the years. About halfway through, Julia lifted her head up from Emily’s lap, her brown eyes a mirror image of her mother’s and looked at her and said,

“I love you, Mom.”

Emily just smiled, leaned down to kiss Julia on the tip of her nose, another thing they shared, and said,

“I love you too.”

And though Emily couldn’t change what had happened, or how it made Julia feel, the look in her daughter’s eyes told her everything she needed to know. She was going to be okay, and she knew that Emily was going to be there for her to help  _ make  _ it okay. It wouldn’t be the first or the last crisis they faced, but they would face it together, mother and daughter.


	2. Pride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mia runs away from home, but her reasons for doing so change how Derek and Emily react.

_ Mia Morgan, age 16 _

_ Julia Morgan, age 19 _

_ Gianna Morgan, age 14 _

Mia  _ knew  _ she shouldn’t have done it. She knew that she was overreacting, that she was in the wrong, but damn it, she had already made the wrong decision, so she might as well see it through. She took a deep breath and knocked on the door. When Julia answered, there was no mistaking the look on her face. She had a tiny silver stud on one side of her nose, that was new. It surprised Mia, of all of them, Julia was the most straight-laced, the most like their mother, though as their father liked to remind them, their mom hadn’t  _ always  _ been so straight-laced. Still, Julia was clearly surprised to see her and frowned when she saw that her sixteen year old sister was by herself.

“Mimi, what are you  _ doing  _ here?” Julia said. “It’s almost midnight! Where’s Mom and Dad?”

Mia shrugged. “Home, probably.” She said. “We got into a fight, so I took the train here.”

“Mia Hope!” Julia exclaimed. “That is  _ so  _ dangerous! What the hell were you thinking? Mom and Dad are gonna be losing their minds looking for you!”

“I doubt it.” Mia grumbled. “Juju, you don’t understand! They don’t  _ get  _ me! Ever since you went off to college, they pick at everything I do. Especially Mom.”

Julia sighed. “Come inside.” She said. “It’s too late for you to go back by yourself now, so you can sleep here. I don’t have class til late tomorrow so I can take you back. I’m calling Mom and Dad though, so they don’t have half the Bureau out looking for you.”

“Fine.” Mia huffed, closing the door and sitting on the worn sofa while Julia called their parents to let them know that Mia was safe with her. When she hung up the phone, Julia sat down on the arm of the couch opposite her sister.

“So.” She said. “Are you gonna tell me what happened to make you run away?”

“Mom and Dad caught me in a lie.” Mia said. “I said I was spending the night at Aunt Penelope’s and Uncle Luke’s when I was really going out. They called and Uncle Luke said he had no idea what they were talking about. We got into it and I ran out.”

“Mia…” Julia sighed. “You know, you’re gonna have to tell them, especially after this. I don’t know why you haven’t already. You  _ know  _ they won’t care.”

“Maybe I  _ want  _ them to care.” She muttered. “I’m just tired of feeling different, Jules!”

“I know.” Julia said. “But come on, you told me! And I know Aunt Penelope suspects, she was asking me if there was anyone special in your life the last time she came to visit me. We grew up around profilers!”

“I’m scared.” Mia whispered. “Ever since you left home, everything has felt  _ wrong!  _ I just want things to go back to how they were before!”

Julia leaned in and put her arms around Mia, hugging her tightly.

“Come on, Mimi.” She said. “We’ll  _ always  _ be the three musketeers, you, me, and Gigi. And in a couple years, you’ll be off to college and you’ll have to tell Gigi all of the same stuff. But it’ll be okay.”

“I know.” Mia said. “I love you, Juju.”

Julia smiled. “I love you too.”

The next morning, Julia drove Mia home in the old truck she had spent her junior and senior years of high school saving up to get, and by the time they got to the front door, Mia’s nails were bitten down to bloody stubs. Julia squeezed her hand.

“You want me to stay?” She asked. “I can help run interference with Mom and Dad.”

“No.” Mia said. “I think I gotta do this myself.”

“Okay.” Julia said, hugging her. “Be brave, Mimi.”

Derek and Emily were sitting in the living room when the girls walked in, their faces a mixture of worry and anger. When they laid eyes on their sixteen year old daughter and saw that she was unharmed, Derek’s relief in particular gave way to fury.

“Well, look who decided to come home.” He said. “Mia Hope Morgan, I don’t know who raised you to think it was okay to run away from home in the middle of the night, but it wasn’t your mother, and it sure as hell wasn’t me! What were you thinking?”

“Derek…” Emily started.

“No!” He said. “I wanna hear what little Miss I Think I’m Grown has to say for herself!”

“Mama, Daddy.” Julia said. “Before anyone says anything else, I just want you to remember all of the stuff you did when you were our age, stuff that maybe you didn’t want  _ your  _ parents to know about?”

Derek and Emily exchanged a look.

“Mia wants me to go.” Julia continued. “But we talked and she knows that she didn’t handle this right, but once you guys hear why she did what she did...just try to understand where she’s coming from, okay?”

Julia gave Mia’s shoulders a squeeze before she left. When the door closed behind her, Mia looked at her parents who waited expectantly for her to speak.

“Look.” Mia said. “I know I screwed up, it was dumb and running away made it worse, and I’m sorry.”

“Well, I’m glad you can see that.” Emily said. “But that still doesn’t explain  _ why  _ you did it.”

Mia shifted uncomfortably. “Last night.” She said. “When you guys found out I wasn’t where I said I was gonna be, you kept accusing me of partying and asking if I was drinking and I wasn’t! I’d never do that!”

“Well, what are we supposed to think, Mia?” Derek asked. “You’re sixteen years old!”

“I was out with someone.” Mia said, looking down at her shoes. “Someone I kinda like.”

“Seriously?” Derek said. “This was all over a boy?”

“Not a boy.” Mia said quietly. “A girl. I was with a girl.”

There was a moment of quiet as the revelation hung in the air and the realization of what their daughter just told them hit Derek and Emily. The moment was broken by Emily getting up and wrapping her arms around Mia, resting her chin on top of her daughters head. Mia buried her face in her mother’s chest and began to cry, causing Emily to hold her tighter.

“Oh sweetheart.” She murmured. “Why didn’t you just tell us? We would have understood.”

“I was scared.” Mia sobbed. “And angry. Ever since Julia left I feel like all I do is fight with you guys and I felt like it would be bad enough dealing with all of the questions if I was dating a boy, so…”

“Mia.” Derek said. “We love you, more than anything. You being gay was never gonna change any of that, sweet pea. Not one little bit, you hear me?”

Mia nodded against Emily’s chest.

“You are so special, Mia.” Emily said. “Before you were born, your Daddy and I didn’t know if we were ever going to be able to have another baby, then you came along and changed our world for the better. How could we ever do anything but love you for who you are?”

“I didn’t know that.” Mia said. “You never told me that before.”

“Maybe we should have.” Emily said, pulling back so she could wipe the tears from her daughter’s eyes. “If we’ve been hard on you, it’s only because we see how great you are Mia, and we want you to see that too. But maybe we didn’t stop to think about your feelings the way we should have.”

“Well…” Mia said. “It might have been easier if I had been more honest with you guys.”

“Okay.” Derek said. “How about this, from now on, we’re honest with each other. If you wanna go out with your girlfriend, you let us  _ know  _ that, and as long as your homework is done and you’re home by curfew, Mom and I won’t ask questions. Deal?”

“Deal.” Mia said. “So, how much trouble am I in?”

“Well, you scared us half to death.” Emily said. “I had Aunt JJ and Uncle Will ready to form a search party.”

“But you went to your sister.” Derek said. “And you came back and handled it in a mature way, so…what do you think, Em?”

“Two weeks.” Emily said. “No phone after ten and extra chores. Sound fair?”

“More than fair.” Mia said. “I’m really sorry.”

“We are too.” Derek said. “And if you’re ready, after your two weeks are up, we’d love to have your girlfriend over for dinner. I can make ribs?”

“She’s actually a vegetarian.” Mia said. “So maybe your eggplant spaghetti bake?”

“Sure.” Derek chuckled. “Come here, kiddo. I love you, you know that?”

“Yeah, Dad.” Mia said. “I love you too.”

And just like that, the trust that they thought was broken had started to mend. Derek and Emily reached a new understanding of Mia and Mia reached a new understanding of them. Most importantly, Mia realized that her parents’ love for her was unconditional and everlasting, and she could trust them to be in her corner no matter who she was or who she loved. She would never have to sneak out to meet her girlfriend again, and when Mia brought her over, Derek and Emily welcomed her with open arms, the same way they had treated their daughter and always would.


	3. Hard Lessons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gianna gets in trouble at school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter deals with some sensitive topics regarding race. I tried to be as respectful as possible but I am constantly learning and welcome feedback.

_ Gianna Morgan, age 11 _

_ Mia Morgan, age 13 _

_ Julia Morgan, age 16 _

Gianna wiped the blood from her nose as she sat in the principal's office, waiting for her dad to pick her up, her only consolation being that not only was Adrian Johnson in a lot worse shape than she was, he had been suspended for longer than she had, thanks to what he did to her and thanks to four of her classmates backing her up. Still, she wasn’t looking forward to explaining all of that to her dad on the car ride home and judging by the look on Derek Morgan’s face when he saw her, Gianna was right to worry.

“Let’s go.” He said. “We’ll talk in the car.”

Gianna’s heart sank as she grabbed her backpack and followed Derek out, but she held her head high, not showing any fear or shame. They got in the car and Derek was silent as they pulled out of the school parking lot, not even looking at his daughter until they hit their first red light.

“Alright, Gigi.” He said. “You better start explaining.”

“I know how it looks, Dad.” Gianna said quickly. “But I promise I had a really really good reason!”

“A good reason to beat the tar outta that boy?” Derek asked. “Oh, I can’t wait to hear this.”

“First of all, he started it.” Gianna said. “Second, you and Mom always taught us girls to stand up for ourselves and not let anyone push us around.”

“Fighting isn’t standing up for yourself, Gianna.” Derek said. “You know that! Now I  _ know  _ Mama and I taught you that, and you’re smart enough to not need to use your fists to settle an argument.”

Gianna fell silent and Derek glanced over at her. He sighed as he took in her downcast expression.

“Okay.” He said. “What are you not telling me?”

“I really  _ tried  _ to let it go, Dad.” She said. “The first couple of times, I just ignored it. Then I asked him to stop and when he didn’t, I  _ tried  _ to tell my teacher but she wouldn’t  _ do  _ anything!”

“Whoa, hold on now.” Derek said. “What exactly has this boy been doing?”

“He kept touching my hair.” Gianna said. “And talking about how curly it is, and he said stuff about my skin too, and just because he didn’t call me a bad word the teacher didn’t see anything wrong with it!”

Derek bristled. “I see.”

“Then today he smacked my butt.” Gianna said. “And he said some really gross things and I  _ know  _ what he meant, Dad. And I had enough, so I just hit him.”

“Those comments.” He said. “They were about you being black?”

“Yeah, Dad.” She said. “They’re cause I’m black, and nobody believed me, I didn’t know what else to do!”

Derek sighed and pulled over, putting the car in park.

“Gianna, listen to me.” He said. “You exist because two people fell in love with each other, and you and your sisters are loved beyond love, right?”

Gianna nodded. “Right.”

“But there are gonna be some people out there who look at your hair and the color of your skin, and they’re gonna decide right then and there what they think of you.” Derek said. “No matter how wrong they are. I’ve dealt with it all my life, and you’re gonna have your own problems cause you’re a girl.”

“It’s not fair.” Gianna said. “I don’t wanna have to deal with those people, I just wanna be left alone!”

“I know, baby.” He said. “And I wish I knew how to fix it, but our society is kinda messed up sometimes.”

“So what do I do?”

“Well, for starters.” Derek said. “No more fighting. I know it isn’t fair, but in the end that’s gonna add more judgment onto you and I don’t want that. If you keep having problems, you tell Daddy and I’ll handle it.”

“Okay.” Gianna said. “But what if they still won’t listen?”

Derek grinned. “Then we let your Mama handle it.” He said. “We’ll see if they don’t take it seriously if the former director of the FBI has to come down to that school raising all kinds of hell.”

“Oh my god.” Gianna laughed. “It’d suck to be them!”

“It sure would.” Derek said. “Hey, you hungry? Why don’t we stop on the way home and get burgers?”

“Yeah!” Gianna said. “Hey Dad?”

“Yeah baby?” 

“Thanks.” She said. “For believing me.”

“Gigi, my baby.” Derek said. “I will  _ always  _ be in your corner, and I will  _ always  _ fight for you, don’t you worry about that. Daddy’s got you.”

Gianna smiled, and she knew it was true. It wouldn’t be the last time that she faced harassment, whether because of her race, because of her sex, or both. But she knew that her parents, as well as her two older sisters, would always believe her and fight for her, and while that didn’t take away the anger or the hurt, it let her know that she wasn’t alone and never would be.

  
  



	4. The Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emily confronts Julia about things found in a drawer, and they have an honest discussion about Emily’s past.

_ Julia Morgan, age 15 _

_ Mia Morgan, age 12 _

_ Gianna Morgan, age 10 _

Julia wasn’t the kind of girl to cause her parents to worry. She wasn’t perfect, by any means, but she was generally considered by the adults in her life to be a smart and responsible young lady. So when she looked up from doing her homework for her AP classes and saw her mother standing in the doorway to her room with a serious, oddly concerned expression on her face, Julia was understandably confused.

“Mom?” She said. “Is everything okay? I know I haven’t unloaded the dishwasher yet, I was gonna do it after I got these notes done for speech and debate.”

“That’s not what I’m here about.” Emily said. “We need to talk, Julia.”

Julia frowned. “I don’t get it.” She said. “What did I do, Mom? What do you wanna talk about?”

“I couldn’t find my aspirin.” Emily said. “And I know you keep some in the drawer by your bed, so I went to borrow some and I found these.”

Emily stretched out her arms and Julia saw what she was holding, a small handful of condoms still in their packaging. Julia’s mouth dropped open slightly and her cheeks turned bright pink as she looked from the condoms to her mother.

“Mom.” Julia said. “They give those out in health class at school, you can’t seriously think that I have these because I’m  _ using  _ them, do you?”

“I don’t really know, Julia.” Emily said. “I mean, you’re in high school now, you’re starting to become a young woman…”

“Yeah, but I’m not having  _ sex,  _ Mom!” Julia exclaimed, clearly embarrassed. “I don’t have time to even  _ think  _ about boys, how could I be out  _ doing it  _ with one?”

“You’d be surprised.” Emily said. “Look, sweetie, I’m not mad, okay? I just want to know if I need to take you to the doctor to get on birth control.”

Julia’s face went from pink to red. “No!”

“Hear me out.” Emily said. “Now, while I don’t  _ love  _ the idea of you having sex this young, I’d rather you be safe and condoms alone aren’t always effective…”

“Mom, stop!” Julia said. “I’m a virgin, okay? Is that what you want to hear? I’ve never even  _ kissed  _ a boy!”

“Oh.” Emily said. “Are you, uh, are you planning to keep it that way?”

“Yeah.” Julia said. “Mom, I  _ know _ I’m not ready yet. God, why are you being so  _ weird  _ about this?”

Emily sighed. “I’m sorry.” She said. “I guess maybe I was projecting because I remember what it was like to be fifteen and feeling pressure to grow up too fast.”

Julia frowned. “What do you mean?”

Emily sighed and sat down on the corner of the bed. Julia set down the notes she was working on and sat down beside her mother.

“When I was your age, I lived in Italy.” Emily said. “You know Nana was an ambassador before she retired, so we moved around a lot when I was a kid.”

“Okay.” Julia said. “What does that have to do with this?”

“I was lonely.” Emily said. “And sad, and I  _ just  _ wanted friends and to be accepted. There was this boy I liked, and I wanted him to like me back…”

“So you slept with him.” Julia said. “Even though you weren’t really ready, right?”

“Yeah.” Emily said, laughing sadly. “I was a dummy about it too. A few months later, I found out that I was pregnant, and he  _ ran  _ for the hills and left me to figure it out on my own. I wasn’t ready to be a mom, so a mutual friend of ours helped me get an abortion. I don’t regret it, I still believe that I made the right choice, but it’s not something I’m really proud of either.”

“Why not, Mom?” Julia asked. “My teacher said that it’s a personal choice, and there’s no right answer.”

“That’s true.” Emily said. “But it wasn’t that simple for me. I carried a lot of shame for a long time, and there were some people who made me feel worse about having to make that decision than I already did.”

“Well that’s bull.” Julia said. “So wait, you were worried that I was gonna have sex for the wrong reasons?”

“Oh, sweetie.” Emily said. “I just didn’t want you to end up in the same situation I did, you know? Your Nana loves you but back then, I didn’t feel like I could tell her what was happening, and I don’t ever want you to feel that way. I want you to be able to come to me with whatever’s on your mind, even if it’s embarrassing.”

“Mom, you know I will.” Julia said. “I tell you everything! I mean, come on, you’ll probably find out when it finally  _ does  _ happen before Rhiannon does and she’s my best friend! Or before, if you  _ really  _ want me to be on birth control too. Just...can we keep this between us?”

“Always.” Emily said, hugging Julia and giving her shoulders a squeeze. “You’re a pretty smart kid, you know that? A lot smarter than I was at your age.”

“Hey!” Julia said, bumping her head against Emily’s affectionately. “That’s my mom you’re talking about, you better be nice to her.”

“Oh god!” Emily laughed. “How did I get lucky enough to have such great girls?”

“I don’t know.” Julia said. “I think we got it from our pretty great mom.”

“Ugh, you’re gonna make me cry.” Emily said, patting her on the knee. Julia grinned and kissed her mother on the cheek. “How much homework do you have left?”

“Just these notes.” Julia said. “Actually, if you’re not busy, I could really use someone to help me look over them and make sure my argument is airtight.”

“Sure.” Emily said. “Lay it on me.”

Julia excitedly began to explain the current topic for her debate team and which position she was taking. As she talked, Emily was struck, not only by how smart and mature her fifteen year old daughter was, but how much happier and more well-adjusted she was than Emily had been at that age. In many ways, she was still a little girl, even at fifteen, and because of who she was and how she was raised, Julia seemed content to stay that way for a little while longer. Emily knew that she couldn’t keep her children innocent forever, but after her conversation with Julia, she felt a little more at ease, believing that when the time came for her little girl to grow up, she would do it on her own terms when she was ready and not a moment before. Julia had a good head on her shoulders and an even better heart, and for Emily, that was enough.


	5. Mirror Images

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mia has self-esteem issues.

_ Mia Morgan, age 13 _

_ Julia Morgan, age 16 _

_ Gianna Morgan, age 11 _

Tears streamed down Mia’s face and she tried to stifle the sobs as she hurriedly took off the dress she had been trying on and put her own baggy jeans and t-shirt back on. It had been Julia’s idea to go shopping, and normally Mia was happy for any excuse to try on pretty new clothes, but lately that had changed. Standing five foot three at thirteen years old, Mia was almost certain she was done growing, and it seemed like almost overnight she had new curves that made her feel awkward and chunky. She hastily wiped her eyes and pushed out of the dressing room, avoiding her older sister’s eye as she put the dress on the designated rack. Julia opened her mouth to say something but Mia quickly put up her hands to stop her.

“Can we just go home?” She asked. “Please?”

Julia nodded. “Okay.”

When they got home, Mia ignored her parents’ inquiries about how their outing went and hurried up the stairs to her room, nearly knocking Gianna down in her hurry to get away. The youngest of the Morgan girls stared at the space where Mia had been just moments before, a basketball under her arm with a look of confusion on her face.

“Wow.” Gianna said. “What’s  _ her  _ problem?”

“I take it the mall didn’t go well?” Emily asked Julia, her eyebrows raised.

“You can say that again.” Julia sighed. “Mom, I don’t know. She kept complaining that nothing fit her right, she’s having a hard time and I don’t know what to do.”

“She’s growing up.” Derek sighed. “She’s starting to look less and less like a little girl these days and I think it’s bothering her, Jules.”

“So she’s mad because she’s got boobs now?” Gianna asked. “Weird.” 

“Gigi!” Julia exclaimed. “That’s rude!”

Gianna shrugged. “Sorry.” She said. “I’m gonna go practice my free-throws. You coming, Dad?”

“I’ll be out in a minute.” Derek said. “So, what are we gonna do about little miss Mia?”

“She was crying, Dad.” Julia said. “I know she thinks I didn’t hear her, but I did. I’m really worried about her.”

“I’ve got this.” Emily said, giving her daughter’s cheek a kiss. “Let me go talk to her.”

When Emily knocked on Mia’s door and cracked it open, she found the thirteen year old sitting cross-legged on the bed, turning one of her pointe shoes over in her hand. On the dresser, there were photos of every recital Mia had been in since she started ballet at four years old, after begging her parents for a year to let her do it. Her floor was littered with leotards and tights, and a trunk at the foot of her bed held all her old costumes. When Mia looked up and saw her mother, she hastily wiped her eyes.

“Hey sweet pea.” Emily said softly. “I tried to say hi to you but you ran upstairs so fast I didn’t get a chance.”

“Sorry.” Mia said. “I just didn’t feel like talking, I guess.”

“Your sister said you were having some trouble finding clothes at the mall.” Emily said, sitting down beside Mia and stroking her hair. “You wanna tell me what’s going on? Maybe I could help.”

Mia shrugged. “Nothing looked right.”

“Well, talk to me.” Emily said. “What’s going on inside my pretty girl’s head?”

“I’m not pretty.” Mia said. “I know you have to say that cause you’re my mom, but I know I’m not.”

“I think you’re pretty.” Emily said. “I think you’re beautiful, Mia, why don’t you think so?”

“I’m not pretty like Julia.” Mia said. “She looks like you, and she’s skinny and has nice teeth, and I’m short and chubby and I have glasses and braces!”

“Mia, you’re thirteen.” Emily said. “You’re not finished yet, the braces are gonna come off, and you’re going to change  _ so  _ much in the next few years…”

“But I’m not gonna  _ grow  _ anymore.” Mia said, her eyes filling with fresh tears. “Gigi is taller than I am and she’s eleven! She doesn’t even have to wear a bra yet and I had to when I was ten! I don’t look anything like the rest of you guys, and I don’t even look like Auntie Des or Auntie Sarah! I don’t fit!”

“Oh my baby.” Emily sighed, pulling her daughter close to her. “You do too fit. You fit right here. Do you wanna know what  _ I  _ see when I look at you?”

“What?” Mia sniffled.

Emily smiled and took Mia by the hand, leading her to the floor length mirror and standing her in front of it. She gripped her daughter’s shoulders.

“When I look at my beautiful, gorgeous baby girl.” Emily said. “I see a cute little nose just like her Daddy’s that scrunches up when she laughs, the same way mine does. I see dimples when she smiles, like the ones I have. You know you’re the only one of your sisters that got those?”

“I guess so.” Mia said. “I never noticed before. I like having dimples like you, Mom.”

“You have my lips, too.” Emily said. “And my ears, though I think they look cuter on you.”

“We have the same eyes.” Mia said. “Gigi’s the only one who got Daddy’s eyes.”

“You know, you were the only one of my babies who wasn’t preemie.” Emily said. “You were eight pounds and three ounces, and when I saw you, the first thing I did was tell you how beautiful you were.”

Emily’s expression faltered and she blinked rapidly to fight the tears working their way out.

“Mom, don’t cry.” Mia said. “Don’t cry.”

“I’m sorry.” Emily said. “I know growing up is hard, I just hate that you don’t think that you’re beautiful, because I think you and your sisters are the most beautiful girls in the world.”

“I know Mom.” Mia said. She sighed. “I guess it started because we had to get measured for our costumes for the winter ballet a couple weeks ago, and Mrs. Smith said she’s gonna have to let mine out. She didn’t mean it like it was bad, but it made me feel bad.”

“Baby, why didn’t you tell me?” Emily asked.

“I was embarrassed.” Mia said. “All of the other girls are flat as a board and I’m not. I know it’s normal and the other girls will catch up soon, but…”

“But it’s not easy being the first.” Emily said. “I know, sweetie. I wish I could take that feeling away. But you know what? You are beautiful, and you’re smart and talented, and one day, you’re gonna look back on this and see things very differently.”

Mia nodded. “Thanks, Mom.”

Emily smiled and pecked her baby on the cheek, giving her shoulders a squeeze.

“Hey.” She said. “How about tomorrow you and I have a mother-daughter day, and we can find you some cute clothes that make you feel better? We’ll get lunch, get our nails done, whatever you wanna do.”

“I’d like that.” Mia smiled.

Mia’s problems weren’t solved in an afternoon, it would take years for her to figure out how to be comfortable in her own skin, but one thing she did know to be true after that day was that she was well-loved. And one day she would look back on that day and realize that her mother had been right, and her heart would simultaneously ache for the young girl she had been and feel full as she remembered how much her mother, and indeed her whole family, loved her and valued her. They always had, and they always would.


	6. Daddy’s Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gianna faces a life-altering decision.

_ Gianna Morgan, age 17 _

_ Mia Morgan, age 19 _

_ Julia Morgan, age 22 _

Gianna had always been a daddy’s girl. From the time she was born, she and Derek had gotten along like a house on fire, and there was nothing she felt like she couldn’t talk to him about. Until now. Now, Gianna was seventeen and afraid, and the person she needed was her sister. Her hands shook as she dialed the phone.

“Hello?” Julia said. “Gigi, what’s up?”

“I need your help, Jules.” Gianna said. “I messed up.”

“What’s wrong?” Julia said. “Gianna, what did you do?”

“Don’t tell Mom and Dad.”

“Okay.” Julia said. “Okay, you know I won’t but come on, you’re scaring me.”

Gianna took a deep breath. “A couple of months ago.” She said. “Devon and I decided to take things to the next level. With us.”

“Oh.” Julia said. “You guys went all the way?”

“Yeah.” Gianna said. “And it was fine. More than fine, it was great! It was like in the movies.”

“That’s good, Gi.” Julia said. “So what’s the problem?”

“I’m late, Jules.” Gianna said. “Like  _ really  _ late and I don’t know what I’m gonna do. College scouts are coming in a couple of months, I’m trying to get into a good school, I can’t have a baby!”

“You guys weren’t being safe?”

“We used a condom.” Gianna said. “I thought that would be enough, but I guess not.”

“Gigi, come on.” Julia said. “You  _ know  _ Mom would have taken you to get birth control, hell, Mimi or I would have gone with you if you didn’t wanna tell Mom.”

“I know, I’m sorry!” Gianna said. “I have an appointment tomorrow at the clinic to find out for sure, but I’m scared to go by myself. Will you go with me?”

“Of course I will.” Julia said. “You know I will. But Gigi, no matter what happens, I think you should talk to Mom.”

“What? No!” Gianna said. “Jules, she and Dad would never look at me the same way again!”

“You don’t know that.” Julia said. “And there’s stuff about Mom that you don’t know either.”

“Oh yeah?” Gianna asked. “Like what?”

“Like how she got pregnant at fifteen.” Julia said. “And how she got an abortion in Italy.”

“Really?” Gianna said. “She told you that?”

“Yeah, she did.” Julia said. “And she would have told you that too if she had any idea that you needed to hear it. She loves you.”

“I know she does.” Gianna said quietly. “So does Dad and I know that if this is true and I’m really pregnant, they’re gonna be  _ so  _ disappointed in me.”

“They’ll be okay.” Julia said. “And so will you. If you’re pregnant, we’ll figure it out. Do you have any idea what you might wanna do, worst case scenario?”

“I can’t have a baby.” Gianna said. “I’m seventeen years old! I have my whole  _ career  _ ahead of me!”

“No one said you have to keep the baby.” Julia said calmly. “You can have an abortion or put it up for adoption, Gigi. It’s gonna be okay.”

“I hope you’re right, Jules.” Gianna said. “Because I don’t know what I’m gonna do if it’s not.”

The next morning at the clinic, Gianna and Julia came up with a plan for what to do and how to talk to their mother no matter what the answer was. But on their way home, having documentation with the results in hand, the sisters were going over what they were going to do next when fate intervened. It was a small crash, neither of them was seriously hurt, though Julia’s car was totaled, but they were sent to the hospital anyway and Derek and Emily were called to meet them there. The two rushed in as nurses checked over both girls.

“Oh thank god.” Emily said, hugging Julia whose arm was in a sling. “What happened?”

“This guy came out of nowhere, Mom.” Julia said. “He took one hundred percent of the blame, said his kids were distracting him in the backseat.”

“Are you both okay?” Derek asked. 

“I’m fine.” Julia said. “I dislocated my shoulder.”

“Gigi?” Derek called to his youngest. “Baby, you good?”

“I’m okay, Dad.” Gianna said. “Just sore.”

“I don’t see any sign of concussion.” The practitioner said. “But I’d like to do a head CT to be absolutely sure there’s nothing else wrong.”

“Yes, of course.” Emily said. “Whatever you have to do to make sure she’s safe.”

“Okay.” He said. “Miss Morgan, before we take you back I need to know, is there any chance you could be pregnant?”

Gianna’s mouth went dry, and the look of terror she shot her sister was one that couldn’t be missed or easily mistaken. Julia looked sympathetically back at her and Gianna swallowed hard, closed her eyes, and nodded her head.

“Gigi?” Derek said. “You’re pregnant?”

“I’m sorry Dad.” Gianna said, her voice broke. “I’m sorry Mom.”

Derek turned to his oldest daughter. “You knew about this, Julia?”

“We just found out.” Julia said. “I was going to help her talk to you guys, that’s where we were headed when we crashed. She was scared.”

“I don’t know what to think right now.” Derek said. “First I find out two of my girls were in a car crash, then I find out one of them is pregnant.”

“It was my first time.” Gianna choked. “I did everything I thought you were supposed to do, I’m sorry!”

“It’s that boy, wasn’t it?” Derek said. “He’s the one that got you in this situation? Well, I’m gonna have a little talk with him and his parents, believe you me.”

“Dad, no!” Gianna said. “His dad will kill him, please! And we decided together, he didn’t do anything to me that I didn’t want him to do!”

“Derek, stop.” Emily said. “I know you’re upset but you’re not helping.”

“Emily!” Derek said. “We just found out that our seventeen year old daughter is pregnant!”

“I know.” Emily said. “And I know what she’s going through, Derek. She is  _ scared  _ and she needs us to love her right now, not make the scariest moment in her life even worse than it already is.”

Derek closed his mouth and Emily turned to Gianna, her expression softening. She ran a hand through her daughter’s hair and kissed her temple.

“Sweetheart, I know this is a lot right now.” Emily said to her. “But have you given any thought as to what you might want to do?”

“I don’t wanna have a baby, Mom.” Gianna said. “I’m not ready, and I don’t think I can handle going nine months to give it up. I don’t want it, Mom, I can’t!”

“Okay.” Emily said. “Okay baby. You don’t have to. We’ll take care of it, okay? You don’t have to.”

“Will you come with me?” Gianna asked. “Julia told me...she said it happened to you, when you were younger, and that you would understand.”

“I thought it would help.” Julia said. “I hope that was okay, Mom.”

“I’m glad you did.” Emily said. “Of course I’ll come with you, Gianna. I’ll be right there with you every step of the way, okay? You don’t have to worry.”

The following week, true to her word, Emily went with Gianna to the clinic and held her hand as her daughter made arguably the most difficult decision she’d ever been faced with in her young life. She held Gianna while she cried afterwards, and scheduled an appointment to get her on birth control and reassured her that what had happened didn’t change the way her family felt about her. Gianna was grateful for her mother’s support, but there was one person that she felt she needed to hear it from more than anybody else. Derek hadn’t said much to his daughter since that day, partly because he didn’t want to say the wrong thing and partly because he was at a loss for words. But the day after, as Gianna was recovering from her abortion, Derek knocked on the door and stepped inside her room, sitting down on the computer chair by her desk, looking down at his hands.

“How you feeling?” He asked.

“Better.” Gianna said. “Mom said it might be a couple days before I’m back to normal.”

“That’s good.” He said. “Listen, we need to talk.”

“Dad, I’m so sorry.” She said. “Are you disappointed in me?”

Derek sighed, looking up at his daughter.

“I’m sad that you felt like you couldn’t talk to me.” He said. “And I’m disappointed in myself for proving you right. You needed me, Gianna, and I failed you. I failed as a father to make you feel safe.”

“No you didn’t, Daddy.” Gianna said. “You’re the best Dad I could ever ask for. I just didn’t want you to know because I didn’t want you to stop seeing me as your little girl. I thought that if you knew…”

“You will  _ always  _ be my little girl.” He said. “Do you love him, Gianna?”

“I wouldn’t have done anything with him if I didn’t, Dad.” She said. “I know I’m still young, but Devon is a good guy, you said you liked him. We just made a mistake, Daddy.”

Derek shook his head. “It wasn’t a mistake if you love him.” He said. “And I won’t lie and say that I wanna think of my daughters, any of them, doing that kind of thing, but you’re growing up. I just want you to be safe and happy, Gigi. That’s all I want.”

“I love you Dad.” Gianna said. “I promise I’ll be more careful, I just don’t want you to see me different.”

“No danger of that, cupcake.” He said, and he wrapped her in a hug. “I love you too. Hey, and if one day you decide that you’re ready to be a mother, whether it’s with Devon or someone else, I know you’ll be great.”

Gianna smiled then. What happened to her changed her life, and she would never forget it. But instead of the guilt and shame that she thought she would feel, she was met with love and understanding. She was reassured that she was still a good person, worthy of love and friendship, and her family would always be there by her side. And she would always be her daddy’s little girl.


	7. Namesake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julia spends time with her godmother Penelope.

_ Julia Morgan, age 10 _

_ Mia Morgan, age 7 _

_ Gianna Morgan, age 5 _

“Let me tell you a story.”

Julia sat cross-legged, eyes wide in front of her Aunt Penelope, who she had lovingly nicknamed Auntie P at the tender age of two. It was a rare treat for Julia to get to spend one on one time with her godmother, but for her tenth birthday that was exactly what she had asked her Auntie P for in lieu of an actual present (which, of course, Penelope had gotten her anyway) and which Penelope had happily obliged. They had just gotten done baking vegan chocolate cupcakes and had settled down to start on manicures when Julia had innocently asked Penelope how long she had known Julia’s mother and father for.

“I’ve known your mom and dad since before you, little kitten, were even a thought.” Penelope said. “In fact, if I hadn’t talked some sense into your dear old dad many moons ago, you might have never been born.”

Julia tilted her head. “What do you mean?”

“Have you ever heard the story,” Penelope said. “Of how your mom and dad got together?”

“No.” Julia said. “I guess I just always kinda thought that they had been together forever.”

“Oh-ho-ho!” Penelope said. “Quite the contrary. I mean, sure, when you’re ten, it probably seems like that, but I remember very well a time before Derek Morgan and Emily Prentiss joined together in holy matrimony and combined their incredibly photogenic genes to produce three equally photogenic children.”

“Okay.” Julia said. “So what happened? How did Mom and Dad get together?”

“Oh no.” Penelope said. “To fully appreciate how the stars and your favorite fairy godmother aligned, we have to go all the way back to the beginning. Okay! So you know your mom and dad met working at the BAU.”

“Well, yeah.” Julia said. “Obv!”

“Well, they were like, totally, painfully into each other for the longest time.” Penelope said. “Like it would drive you crazy watching them dance around each other. Then something happened and your mom had to go away for a while…”

“Ah, yeah.” Julia said. “That thing everybody whispers about every time Declan comes to visit, but nobody will actually tell me what happened?”

“Okay, just gonna sail right on past that.” Penelope said. “Anyway, after a while, your mom came back and it was totally obvious that there was something between her and your dad, but neither of them were going to admit it.  _ Then  _ your mom decided to move to London which  _ could  _ have marked the end for her and your dad before they ever began.”

“Wait, wait wait.” Julia said. “I know we lived in London, but I thought that was when I was a baby.”

“I’m getting there!” Penelope exclaimed. “So, your dad and I went  _ with  _ your mom to get her settled, and  _ that’s  _ when I noticed stuff going on between them.”

“What stuff?” Julia asked.

Penelope paused. “Just...stuff.”

“Auntie P, I’m ten.” Julia said. “I know what sex is.”

“You-you do?” Penelope stammered. “Of course you do, you’re a smart girl, I shouldn’t be surprised.”

“Once Mom and Dad forgot to lock their door.” Julia offered. “And the next morning at breakfast Gigi asked them why they were sleeping without pajamas on, I guess she went in their room early to see if they were still asleep. We  _ all  _ got a talk that morning.”

“Right.” Penelope said, red in the face. “Well, I confronted your dad about it, and he had told me like a year before how crazy in love he was with your mother, and I pushed him to finally tell her.”

“And he did?”

“Oh boy, did he ever.” Penelope said. “Later that night, on the balcony in your mom’s flat. He told her about this beautiful woman he had fallen in love with and how she made him feel whole and then when your mom asked why he wasn’t with this mystery woman, he told her that he was talking about her.”

“Wow.” Julia said. “Daddy had game. What’d Mom do?”

“At first, she was pissed.” Penelope said. “Your mom has gotten a lot better at dealing with her feelings, but back then, not so much. But she was  _ furious  _ and there were tears and finally she admitted that she was upset because she loved him too and wished he’d told her sooner because, let’s face it, no one really  _ wants  _ to do long distance...but then they kissed.”

“And they were together after that.” Julia said. “Right, Aunt Penelope?”

“Yup.” Penelope said. “They kept it a secret for almost two years and I was the  _ only  _ person who knew, which is too bad because they were  _ so  _ cute.”

“My parents?” Julia asked skeptically. “Cute?”

“Yes, cute.” Penelope said. “They would call and Skype all the time when they couldn’t be together, and your dad would write her  _ actual  _ love letters, like something out of a Jane Austen novel! Ooh, once while your mom was visiting, there was this power outage and they had to cancel their plans. Well, instead of letting it ruin their evening, your dad lit a bunch of candles all over his apartment, made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and cut them into heart shapes, and since he couldn’t put on any music, he hummed songs and danced with her in the living room.”

“Okay.” Julia said. “That  _ is  _ pretty romantic.”

“Oh honey, you have  _ no  _ idea.” Penelope said. “Have they told you the story about when your daddy asked your mom to marry him? I’m pretty sure you were conceived that night.”

“Yeah!” Julia said. “That one is Mia’s favorite, hearing about all the pictures and the video. Is that why Mom always gets so happy talking about it?”

“Maybe.” Penelope said. “What I  _ do  _ know is she still loves your dad  _ so  _ much after all these years, and that love brought you and your baby sisters into being which I am  _ so  _ so grateful for, little kitten.”

Julia smiled. “You like being our godmother, huh, Auntie P?” She said. “How did  _ that  _ happen?”

“Well, your parents decided that when you were born.” Penelope explained. “They decided me and Uncle Spencer would be the right people for the job and if anything ever happened to your mom and dad, we would help take care of you.”

“Oh.” Julia said. “Mom and Dad said that my middle name is for you. Did you know that?”

“Yeah, I did.” Penelope said, smiling softly as she recalled that day. “After you were born, they- they told me that they wanted a middle name that meant something to them, and...it was your mom’s idea to use my middle name and they asked me if I would mind.”

“Cause you helped them get together?”

“Something like that.” Penelope said. “I just remember crying because it meant so much to me, and then your dad took me back to see you and I cried some more. You were so tiny, Jules. And I knew right then that I would do my best to always be there for you, and then later on when your sisters came, I promised to do that for them, too, and I never had my own kids, but I have you guys, and I think that’s pretty great.”

Julia smiled. “I love you, Auntie P.”

“I love you too, kitten.” Penelope said. “More than you will ever know.”

Julia leaned in and hugged her godmother. Her parents had told her the story why she was named after Penelope Garcia, of course, but she loved hearing Penelope tell stories. In all honesty, she just loved spending time with her Aunt Penelope, and if anyone ever doubted that, all they had to do was watch the small girl with her. And though their relationship would change over the years, Penelope would remain true to her word. She would always be there for her goddaughters, and they would always know it.

  
  



	8. Uncomfortable Truths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mia confronts Emily about her past.

_ Mia Morgan, age 14 _

_ Julia Morgan, age 17 _

_ Gianna Morgan, age 12 _

“Who is Ian Doyle?”

Emily froze at her daughter’s question, taking in the way Mia stared her down. She had the same look on her face that Derek used to get when he was interrogating an unsub back in the day, and Emily knew when she saw that look that there was no way she was gonna get out of answering Mia’s questions.

“Where did you hear that name?” Emily asked.

Mia shrugged. “I overheard you and Dad arguing.” She said. “I heard Dad tell you that this guy couldn’t hurt you anymore and it had been over twenty years. Did he, Mom? Hurt you, I mean.”

“He didn’t just hurt me.” Emily sighed. “He almost killed me. Sit down, I guess you’re old enough now to hear this story. It’s something I haven’t even told your older sister, so don’t say anything to her before I can.”

“Okay.” Mia said seriously. “Okay, I won’t tell anyone Mom, I swear. What happened? Who is this guy?”

“He was a terrorist.” Emily said. “And I went undercover to bring him in. I had to pretend to be in love with him and do a lot of things I would have rather not done. He had a son, a little boy named Declan.”

Mia’s jaw dropped. “No way.” She said. “You always told us that Declan was your godson!”

“In a way, he is.” Emily said. “When we brought Doyle in, I knew that they would use Declan against him, even if it meant doing horrible things to him. Declan was a sweet little boy, he couldn’t help who his dad was. So to keep him safe, I staged his death and kept him hidden, and for a long time it worked.”

“So what happened?”

“Doyle escaped.” Emily said. “He believed that I had killed his son and so he came after me. He, uh, he threatened everyone at the BAU, including your daddy. I couldn’t let him hurt them, so I ran and I went to face him on my own. He stabbed me, in a warehouse in Boston, your dad found me. My heart actually stopped in the ambulance and even though they were able to save me, everyone had to believe I was dead for seven months. I didn’t know if I would ever see them again.”

“Wow.” Mia said. “That must have been hard. That was  _ before  _ you and Dad were together, right?”

“Right.” Emily said, wiping her eyes. “Not that that stopped him, he made catching Doyle his life’s mission. I guess that should have been my first clue, huh?”

“You guys have the weirdest love story.” Mia said, shaking her head a little. “So what happened? I mean obviously you didn’t stay gone forever.”

“They caught Doyle.” Emily said. “Around the same time that Declan’s biological mother abducted him and threatened his life. Everything was a bit of a mess for a while. Anyway, Doyle ended up getting killed and your Uncle Spencer shot Declan’s mom, I was able to come out of hiding and Declan could finally live a normal life.”

“I don’t know about that.” Mia grinned. “He became a lawyer, didn’t he?”

“Hey now.” Emily said. “He’s one of the good guys.”

Mia looked at her mother for a long time, as if she was analyzing her. Emily half thought that  _ she  _ wouldn’t make a bad profiler herself, though that was Julia’s dream, not Mia’s. But what came out of her fourteen year olds mouth next surprised her.

“You’re kind of a badass, Mom.” Mia said. “You know that?”

Emily laughed. “Well, I’m glad you think so.”

“No, seriously.” Mia said. “You risked everything for Declan when you didn’t have to, you did it again for Dad and the team, and you brought down a literal  _ terrorist  _ and lived to tell your daughter about it. I know I’m not supposed to think my mom is cool, but you are seriously freaking cool, Mom.”

“I don’t know about that.” Emily said. “I just did what I thought was right, that’s all. That’s all we can ever do.”

“So why were you and Dad fighting?” Mia asked. “I mean, you won, didn’t you? Doyle’s dead.”

“Yeah, but just because he’s dead doesn’t mean I can just forget.” Emily said. “Sometimes things leave scars, Mia. I’ve tried to shield you guys from most of mine. It’s uh, it’s getting close to the time when I almost died. I thought I was doing pretty good with it, it’s been years since I had nightmares, but this year, it’s hard.”

“Oh.” Mia said. “Because of how long it’s been?”

“I wish I knew.” Emily said. “God, look at me. You’re right. I survived and Doyle is dead. I got to fall in love and have three beautiful babies. I have no reason to feel this way.”

“Mom, stop.” Mia said. “Aren’t you always telling me that I feel how I feel for a reason?”

“I am.” Emily said. “But-“

“And aren’t you always telling me,” Mia said. “That it’s  _ healthy  _ to talk about how I feel?”

“Yes, that’s true.” Emily said. “I believe that.”

“So why would you tell  _ me  _ that,” Mia said. “And then not follow it yourself? Actions speak louder than words, Mom, you taught me that. You need to walk the walk.”

Emily sighed. “Maybe  _ you  _ should become a lawyer.” She said. “You already argue like one.”

“I learned from the best.” Mia said. “That’s why I’m the only one who can beat you at poker, too.”

“You’re too much like me.” Emily said. “Though if you can avoid pissing off terrorists, I’d appreciate it.”

“I’ll try.” Mia said, feigning exasperation. “But maybe you should teach me how to shoot, just in case?”

Emily laughed. “We’ll see.” She said. “I made your sister wait until she was sixteen.”

“She doesn’t have to know.” Mia cracked. “Oh, Mom?”

“Yeah, Mia?”

“I’m glad you told me.” Mia said. “I think you’re really strong, and I’m glad you’re my mom.”

Emily smiled. “Thank you, sweetheart.”

Mia smiled back. “Anytime.”

  
  


Mia gained a newfound respect for her mother that day. She had known before that Emily had been in dangerous situations, had known that she was a hero to many, not just her family. But there was something about knowing that particular story, how close her mother had come to ending, and as a result, how close she and her sisters had come to never existing at all, that sparked something in Mia. Her mother’s willingness to share that story, to admit her own vulnerability that made her seem even stronger to Mia. She grew up with a different Emily, one who went to ballet recitals and parent-teacher conferences and tucked her in at night, but there was something exciting about knowing there was a different side to her mother. There was a hidden strength that Mia hadn’t fully known her mother possessed, and she felt as if she and her mother now shared something.   


What’s more, Mia secretly hoped that of all the things that she inherited from her mother, that strength was one of them. What she didn’t realize was that she already had it, and her mother saw it. In many ways she was her mother’s daughter, and she just didn’t know it yet. Mia would find out one day, and it would be one of the things she became the most proud of.


	9. Pumpkin Patch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gianna takes a stand.

_ Gianna Morgan, age 6 _

_ Mia Morgan, age 8 _

_ Julia Morgan, age 11 _

  
  


It was the week leading up to Halloween and as such, it was time to go to the pumpkin patch and let the girls pick out their pumpkins for Halloween. Derek and Emily always found it amusing how the girls’ decisions seemed to match their ever-changing personalities and it would be interesting to see what the girls decided this year. It promised to be especially interesting, now that Gianna was six years old and in the first grade, she had become very opinionated, indeed. 

She marched around the pumpkin patch with a serious expression on her face, as though she was tasked with a very important decision. Her sisters quickly decided on their own, with Julia picking the biggest one she could carry, and Mia choosing the one with the smoothest surface that would be easiest to design. After much deliberation, Gianna returned with what could only be described as the most pathetic pumpkin any of them had ever seen. It was small and lopsided, and it had all manner of dents and dings in it. It was downright ugly.

“I want this one.” Gianna said.

“Oh.” Derek replied, wincing. “Are you sure, Gigi? That one’s pretty small, you could get a bigger one.”

Gianna pouted. “But I like this one.”

“But it’s ugly.” Mia said. “Why do you want an ugly pumpkin?”

“It’s not ugly!” Gianna said. “Don’t be mean!”

“It’s a little ugly.” Julia said. “Gigi, you know pumpkins don’t have feelings, right?”

“It hurts  _ my  _ feelings!” Gianna said, her lip quivered and she began to cry. “No one else is gonna want it and that makes me sad! Can I please get it, Mama?”

Emily sighed, knowing all the while that she would concede to her daughter’s request. Gianna had a big heart with lots of empathy, but it sometimes moved her to make some impractical choices. At the store, she always picked the toy with the beat up box, or the most wilted flower in the garden. When they had briefly contemplated getting a cat, Gigi had had her heart set on a three-legged, one-eyed cat at the shelter who was half feral, and she had damn near convinced her parents to adopt it when the poor thing had been put to sleep. Gianna had cried about it for weeks. Now the small girl looked up at Emily with tears in her eyes, clinging to that ugly little pumpkin for dear life, and Emily knew she was a goner.

“Yes, you can get it.” Emily said, watching as her baby’s face brightened. “And  _ you  _ guys just keep your thoughts to yourselves. If Gigi wants this pumpkin, don’t make her feel bad about it.”

“Thank you, Mama!” Gianna said, hugging her pumpkin close. “I promise, I’ll be good!”

“You spoil that girl.” Derek said as the girls marched up to the line to pay. “Worse than I do, sometimes worse than the rest of the girls.”

“I was the same way at her age.” Emily said. “Sorry for not wanting to crush that spirit.”

“She’s gonna have to learn.” Derek said. “We can’t take every beat-up, downtrodden thing just because she feels bad for it. Remember the cat?”

“She’s sensitive!” Emily exclaimed. “And if we had been there a few hours sooner, we could have saved that cat! It  _ still  _ haunts my dreams at night.”

“You’re just like her, you know.” Derek chuckled. “How many of our child victims did you almost adopt?”

“You’re one to talk.” Emily said. “How’s Ellie, by the way? Didn’t she just have a baby?”

Derek shifted uncomfortably. “I think so.”

“A little girl, right?” She asked. “Named Morgan Elise. I wonder where she came up with  _ that  _ name?”

“Emily, what’s your point?” He asked.

“We have one tender-hearted baby.” Emily said. “And she gets that from you  _ just  _ as much as she gets it from me. All I’m saying is let’s try to not stamp it out.”

“But should we encourage it?” Derek asked. “Emily, it’s starting to become impractical.”

“So what?” Emily said. “I think the world could use a few more people like Gianna in it. Don’t you?”

Derek sighed. “You’re right.” He said. “I’m sorry.”

“You better be.” Emily said. “I’m paying so you get to help carry these things to the car!”

A few days later, the girls drew and carved their pumpkins. Julia was a staunch traditionalist, sticking with the classic Jack-O-Lantern design, while Mia’s more closely resembled a Picasso piece. Gianna’s looked, funnily enough, like a cat. Emily played the part of dutiful mother, praising her children’s handiwork and helping Derek do the actual carving. When the mess was cleaned up, seeds were collected to bake, and the pumpkins set aside to dry, Emily felt a small hand tugging on her sleeve. She looked down to find Gianna staring up at her with wide, serious brown eyes.

“Mama, do you like it?” She asked.

“Of course I like it, baby.” Emily said. “I think you did a really good job on your pumpkin.”

“Even though everyone thought it was ugly?” Gianna said. “Even though no one wanted me to get it?”

“Especially because of that.” Emily said, bending down to kiss her daughter’s cheek. “I thought that was very nice of you to pick that pumpkin, Gigi. You know that?”

“You would have too.” Gianna said. “When we go to get plants, you always get the sad little ones, Mama.”

Emily blinked. “I do?”

“Yeah!” Gianna said. “And- and when we go to the second hand store, you told me you like the things that are different. Like the chicken teapot!”

“I guess you’re right.” Emily chuckled. “It’s something we have in common. You know, your sisters don’t mean to be mean, they just don’t understand.”

“I know.” Gianna said. “Daddy doesn’t either. But you understand, don’t you Mama?”

“Yes, I do.” Emily said. “And I  _ love  _ that you feel that way, my sweet girl! Don’t you ever let anyone make you feel like you shouldn’t feel that way. I love your heart, it’s a pretty good one.”

“I won’t.” Gianna said. “I like your heart too, Mama.”

  
  


Emily smiled and kissed Gianna again. She held her extra tight. Gianna and Derek were usually two peas in a pod, but every so often, that girl surprised her. She made it clear that, though she was a daddy’s girl, she still loved her mama. As a matter of fact, Gianna had a lot of love to give, and though the pumpkin incident, as it would later be referred to, was just one instance of many that happened throughout the years, it demonstrated just the kind of person Gianna was. She had a heart full of kindness and a lot of feelings, and if Emily had a say in it, that would never go away.


	10. How to Heal a Heartbreak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mia nurses a broken heart and finds out that she has more in common with her mother than she thought.

_ Mia Morgan, age 17 _

_ Julia Morgan, age 20 _

_ Gianna Morgan, age 15 _

Mia slammed the front door behind her, leaning against it hard as she became nearly blinded by her tears. Seven months, what had previously been the best seven months of her life was all down the drain now. Over half a year, wasted and for what? It was more hurt than Mia could bear. Footsteps from the kitchen alerted her to the fact that she wasn’t alone, and in the blur, Mia could just make out the shape of her mother.

“Mia?” Emily asked. “Hey, what’s the matter?”

“Anna broke up with me.” Mia said, unable to keep the tears from falling. “She said it was too hard and her parents would never approve and...it’s not  _ fair,  _ Mom!”

“Oh, sweetie.” Emily sighed, taking Mia in her arms as she sobbed uncontrollably. “I’m so sorry. I thought you guys were happy. You seemed happy.”

“I was happy.” Mia said. “I thought she loved me.”

“I know, my baby.” Emily said. “What do you need?”

“I just want it to stop.” Mia wailed. “I want the hurt to go away, Mama! It’s not fair!”

“I know.” Emily said, choking up herself. “I’ve got you, baby, Mama’s got you and she’s not letting go.”

Somehow, Emily was able to guide her distraught daughter to the living room couch, where Mia curled up against her, lay her head on Emily’s shoulder and just cried until she had nothing left. Her pain was so raw, so real that Emily could almost picture her daughter’s broken heart. She rubbed Mia’s back in slow, soothing circles, kissing the top of her head.

“I’m sorry, Mama.” Mia said, reverting back to the term she and her sisters had used as babies. “I messed up your shirt.”

Emily laughed. “Don’t you worry about that.” She said, stroking her daughter’s hair. “You’re my little girl and you’ve been hurt, so if you need to cry, you cry, okay?”

“It’s just bullshit!” Mia said. “Sorry, I know you don’t like it when I swear, but it is, you know? I  _ know  _ Anna loves me, and I knew her parents were old school, but…”

“It’s not easy, baby.” Emily said. “Remember how scared you were to tell me and Daddy? And there was  _ never  _ a chance of us not accepting you.”

“I know.” Mia said. “I just thought...it’s stupid, but I thought we were gonna be together forever.”

“I know, baby.” Emily said. “And I know all you can see right now is how much Anna hurt you, but I promise, there  _ will  _ be other girls. I can’t tell you how many men and women disappointed me before I met your dad.”

Mia lifted her head. “I didn’t know you had been with girls before, Mom.”

“There’s a lot you don’t know.” She said with a small smile. “I’m a lot more like you than you think.”

“I guess so.” Mia said. “What else have you not told me about?”

“Let’s see.” Emily said. “My first kiss was with a girl.”

“No way!”

“Yup.” Emily said. “I was thirteen, at some party that your Nana made me go to, and the French ambassador's daughter was there. She was a couple years older than I was at the time, drop dead gorgeous and bored out of her mind. She asked me if I wanted to hang out with her, so I did.”

“And you kissed?” Mia asked. “Just like that?”

“We made out in a coat closet half the night.” Emily said. “I’m pretty sure your Nana put two and two together that night, I didn’t hide it very well but she never said anything to me.”

“Wow.” Mia said. “Was it good? The kiss, I mean.”

“Let’s put it this way,” Emily said. “There is a  _ very  _ good reason why it’s called French kissing.”

“Oh my god.” Mia laughed. “It’s so weird to think of my Mom like that. I can’t imagine you with anyone but Dad.”

“Well, neither can I anymore.” Emily said. “And I promise, as much pain as you’re in right now and as much as you probably feel like you’ll never love again, I completely believe that one day you’re gonna find someone who makes it make sense why it didn’t work out with anyone else.”

Mia smiled “You think so?”

“I know so.” Emily said. “Come on, my baby girl? You’re too amazing to  _ not  _ have someone see it.”

“Thanks Mom.” Mia said. “Hey, can we have a movie night like we used to? Just us?”

“Of course we can.” Emily said. “Gigi’s got practice til late anyway. We’ll order from your favorite place, snuggle up under a blanket and eat our way through all those cheesy rom-coms you love so much.”

“I was actually thinking maybe one of those weird old sci-fi movies  _ you  _ love.” Mia said.

Emily raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah.” Mia said shyly. “I know I always acted like I didn’t but I kinda like them too.”

“Okay.” Emily laughed. “Whatever you want, baby.”

They cuddled up on the couch that night with Thai food and cheesy sci-fi, Emily sent a text to Derek to let him know what was going on so he and Gianna steered clear of the two that evening. Mia’s heart would take time to heal, but that night, in her mother’s arms, she took the first step to healing her broken heart and she knew she would be okay.


	11. Fathers and Daughters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julia struggles within learning to drive and Derek finds there’s more than cars on his daughter’s mind.

_ Julia Morgan, age 16 _

_ Mia Morgan, age 13 _

_ Gianna Morgan, age 11 _

“Alright, tap the gas pedal lightly and then  _ slowly  _ lift your foot up off the brake.”

Julia nervously obeyed and the car lurched forward. She slammed her foot back down on the brake and looked at her father with a panicked expression. Derek touched her elbow gently.

“It’s okay.” He said. “That’s okay, Jujubug, you’ll get it. It just takes a little practice, that’s all.”

“I don’t get it.” Julia said. “The written test was so  _ easy,  _ and then I get in here and I feel totally lost.”

“Hey now, you’re just starting out.” Derek said. “Come on, you didn’t expect to be an expert right out the gate, now did you? Even your Uncle Spencer had to work at it and he’s a certified genius.”

“Maybe that’s the problem.” Julia grumbled. “I’m book smart, not street smart.”

“Now none of that, Julia Grace.” Derek said. “I know I didn’t raise you to be a quitter.”

“I don’t know, Dad.” Julia said. “How am I ever gonna make it into the FBI if I can’t even figure out driving?”

“You’ll get it, I promise.” Derek said. “I’ll work with you until you do, no matter how long it takes.”

“What if I can’t, Dad?” She asked. “What if I try and I try and I  _ still  _ don’t get it?”

“Julia, listen to me.” He said. “All your life, things have come easy to you because you’re smart and you’re capable. This is just a little harder than what you’re used to. But if you plan on getting what you want out of life, you can’t just give up when you don’t get it the first time you attempt something, it doesn’t work that way.” 

“I know.” Julia said. “I don’t know...I just feel like such a dork, anymore! I used to think I had it all figured out and now I don’t know.”

“Jules, you’re sixteen.” He said. “I’d be a little worried if you had all the answers that young. Now I can tell that there’s something else bugging you, so what is it?”

Julia sighed. “There’s a dance coming up.”

“Okay.” Derek said. “Okay, what? You need a dress or something? Your mom can help you with that.”

“I’m not going.” Julia said. “No one’s asked me.”

Derek shrugged. “So?” He said. “Can’t you go with all of your friends as a group?”

“They all have dates!” She exclaimed. “Boys don’t even  _ look  _ at me, Dad! I’m sixteen and I’ve never even been  _ kissed _ by a boy, let alone been on a date with one!”

“I thought you weren’t interested in boys?” Derek asked. “You told me you were too busy for a boyfriend.”

“It’d still be nice to have one be interested in me.” She said. “And I  _ am  _ interested in boys, I just want that other stuff more but...can’t I be both?”

“If you want to be.” Derek said. “Julia, don’t take this the wrong way but...do you think maybe these high school boys might be a little intimidated by you?”

“What?” Julia said. “Dad, come on. Me?”

“Well, yeah.” Derek said. “I mean you’re smart, you’re pretty, and I’m not just saying that cause I’m your dad. You know what you want, and you’re into all of these things, for a teenage boy, a girl with all of that confidence can be scary.”

“Well, what do I do?” She asked. “I can’t change the way that I am, especially not for a boy.”

“I’d never want you to.” Derek said. “You shine too bright to dim that for any man. But you might have to make the first move if you wanna change things.”

“I thought guys hated that.” She said.

“The right ones don’t.” He said. “In fact, the right guys will see that and see a girl who’s not afraid to go after who and what she wants. That kind of confidence is powerful. Look at your mother.”

“Maybe.” Julia said. “There  _ is  _ a boy I think is kind of cute, I guess.”

“Oh, I see.” Derek said. “And who  _ is  _ this boy?”

“Dad, it’s not like that.” She said. “His name is David and he’s in speech with me. He’s really quiet except when it’s his turn and he  _ totally  _ demolishes the competition, you’d never guess he had it in him.”

Derek chuckled. “My baby.” He said. “Into a nerd.”

“He’s not a nerd!” Julia said. “He plays lacrosse and he looks  _ totally  _ hot in the uniform!”

“Okay, okay!” He said. “I love you, Jules, but I am  _ really  _ not comfortable hearing you say a guy is hot.”

Julia grinned. “You asked.”

“Yeah yeah yeah.” Derek said. “Okay, so if you like this boy, why don’t you ask him to the dance?”

“I don’t know, Dad.” Julia said. “What if he says no? I mean, he probably doesn’t even  _ see  _ me like that. I’m just the girl who’s a soundboard for his arguments and who he helps proofread notes for APUSH.”

“Well, come on now.” He said. “That’s not nothing. Do you think he’d ask you to listen if he didn’t value your opinion or help you with your notes if he didn’t at least like you a little bit?”

“Yeah.” She said. “As a  _ friend!  _ I don’t think he really sees me as like a girl he could date.”

“You don’t know that.” Derek said. “Hell, I could have been with your mother a  _ lot  _ sooner than I was if I had realized that she liked me a lot more than just a friend. Trust me, guys can be kinda dumb when it comes to girls that they like.”

“I’ll think about it.” Julia said. “No promises though.”

“Okay.” Derek said. “You ready to give this driving thing another try, Jujubug?”

“I’m ready.” Julia said, taking a deep breath. “Hands on the wheel at ten and two, tap lightly on the gas and  _ slowly  _ lift my foot up off the brake…”

There were a few more false starts, but Julia ended the driving lesson a bit more confident than when she first started, and she even made a little progress. Derek continued to work with her, with a patience that he hadn’t known he’d had. Julia surprised her parents and even herself by spending some more time with David from speech, and though she wasn’t ready to drive when it came time for the dance, she was pleasantly surprised that her  _ date  _ had passed his test and had gotten permission to take his mom’s minivan for the evening. They looked cute together, placating her parents who snapped picture after picture, and when David kissed her chastely, almost nervously at the end of the night, Julia smiled and thought maybe, just maybe, everything would be alright.


	12. The First

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julia makes some big decisions

_ Julia Morgan, age 18 _

_ Mia Morgan, age 15 _

_ Gianna Morgan, age 13 _

Julia wiped her sweaty palms on the front of her jeans as she knocked on the door to her mother’s home office. She’d known that this day was coming, ever since she and David had started dating over a year ago, and she had always known that she would go to her mother. That still didn’t make her any less nervous. Emily looked up from what she was doing as Julia entered and closed the door behind her.

“Uh-oh.” She said. “This is a closed door conversation. What’s going on, Jujubug?”

“You know how David and I have been going out for like a year now.” Julia said. “Right?”

“How could I forget?” Emily said. “He’s only over here all the time, hanging out with you, and kissing on you when he thinks your dad and I aren’t looking.”

“He’s just shy.” Julia giggled. “And he wants to be respectful, he knows you and Dad were FBI agents.” 

“He’s a nice boy.” Emily said. “As long as he’s treating  _ you  _ right, that’s all your dad and I care about.”

“About that.” Julia said, chewing her bottom lip. “He’s a really nice guy, Mom, and I like him a lot but lately I think... I think he wants more. With me.”

Emily arched her eyebrows. “Oh.” She said. “Do- do  _ you  _ want to do more with him?”

“I don’t know.” Julia sighed. “And like, he’s  _ never  _ pressured me at all, once we were making out in his mom’s car and he accidentally bit my lip and he freaked out and started apologizing until I kissed him so he’d stop, so I  _ know  _ he’s not gonna try and make me do anything I don’t want to do.”

“But?”

“The other night we were kissing.” Julia said. “And we were kind of close and I could tell he maybe wanted to. I didn’t want to embarrass him so I didn’t mention it.”

“Okay.” Emily said. “How did that make  _ you  _ feel?”

“Weird.” Julia said. “Excited, scared. I mean, a year ago, I’d never even  _ kissed  _ a boy, and now there’s one who wants to do  _ that  _ with me?”

“Well, you’re eighteen now.” Emily said. “You have a boyfriend, it’s normal to be curious about sex, especially if you really like who you’re with.”

“I know.” Julia sighed. “And it’s not like we haven’t done  _ stuff,  _ but like…”

“Sweetheart,” Emily said. “If you’re not ready and David  _ really  _ likes you, he’ll understand.”

“That’s the thing, Mom.” Julia said. “When we were kissing the other night and I realized what was happening, I kind of liked it. I wanted to go further, and it scared me.”

“Okay, alright.” Emily said. “Well, what scared you? The wanting or the thought of doing it?”

“Both.” Julia said. “What if it hurts? What if he doesn’t like it or I don’t like it? Or what if only one of us likes it?”

“Well honey, most people aren’t perfect their first time.” Emily chuckled. “It’s trial and error just like anything else. But if you like each other and you’re  _ really  _ ready for it, you just keep trying until you figure out what works. I want you to be safe, though.”

“I will be, Mom.” Julia said. “Do you think...maybe we could schedule that appointment? Just in case?”

“Of course, sweetie.” Emily said, hugging Julia close to her. “Oh my baby. I’m just really glad that you trust me enough to talk to me about this.” 

“You’re my best friend, Mom.” Julia said. “But  _ don’t  _ tell Dad. He’s cool, but he’s  _ Dad,  _ you know?”

“What?” Emily teased. “You don’t wanna sit through a speech about how his little girl is becoming a woman and he’s struggling to learn how to let go?”

Julia laughed. “No thank you!”

“You’ll be okay, Julia.” Emily said. “I’m proud of you. And if you decide you’re ready, or even if you decide that you’re not, I trust you to make the right choice.”

In the end, it didn’t happen right away. In fact, Julia debated even bringing it up with her boyfriend and when she did, he stammered and blushed and honestly confused her with his “We don’t have to, but we can! If you want! But only if you want to.” back and forth. The heavens didn't open up and Julia’s world didn’t change, she was pretty sure David cried more than she did, but it was nice and she didn’t regret it. In a way, it did feel like it marked her passage into an adult life, but more than that, it reassured her that she knew herself and knew what she was ready for, and she felt lucky that she had been raised to have the confidence and intelligence to do that. Julia’s mother knew that she had a good head on her shoulders, and now Julia believed that she did too.


	13. Do I?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gianna feels conflicted and consults her parents for advice.

_ Gianna Morgan, age 23 _

_ Mia Morgan, age 25 _

_ Julia Morgan, age 28 _

Gianna  _ knew  _ she could come to her parents with anything. Especially after everything she had been through in her young life, her parents had seen her through the best and worst parts of growing up. Now she needed them again, and she wasn’t sure what they were going to tell her, or what she wanted them to say. She had gotten signed with the WNBA right out of college, and though she and Devon had had a few bumps in the road, they kept finding their way back to each other, and Gianna knew deep down that she loved him. But she was still young and she just wasn’t sure. So she surprised Derek and Emily on a weekend she had free and flew home. She was pretty sure they knew from the start that something was up, but nobody said anything until after dinner.

“Okay, Gigi.” Derek said. “What’s going on?”

“What?” Gianna said. “Can’t I just come home to surprise you guys when I have some down time?”

“Sure you can.” Derek said. “But I know that’s not what’s going on right now.”

“We love having you here for any reason.” Emily said, touching her shoulder. “But you seemed kind of worried during dinner, and you’ve been biting your nails.”

“A habit I learned from you.” Gianna said. Then she sighed. “Okay, you’re right. It’s nothing bad, I don’t think, but it’s a lot and I don’t know what to do.”

“You’re not pregnant again, are you?” Derek asked. “I mean, not that we won’t support you if you are.”

“No, Dad.” Gianna sighed. “I’m not pregnant, but it’s kind of in a similar category as that.”

“Is everything okay?” Emily asked. “Are you and Devon having problems?”

“No! We’re good.” Gianna said. “I know we kind of took a break for a while in college, and I think we both needed that to grow up a little bit, but we’re good now. So good that he asked me to marry him.”

“He proposed?” Emily said. “He got down on one knee and asked you to spend the rest of your life with him?”

“Yeah.” Gianna said shakily. “He doesn’t expect us to get married or start a family right away, but he said he loves me, he’s loved me since we were kids and he wants to love me for forever.”

“I see.” Derek said. “And what did you say to him?”

“I told him I loved him but that it was a big decision and I needed to think about it.” Gianna said. “And it’s true, I love him. But I’m twenty-three, you know?”

“I agree.” Emily said. “Baby, you still have your whole life ahead of you, and marriage is a  _ big  _ step. Your dad and I didn’t get married until right before Julia was born, and even that was a bit spur of the moment.”

“I know.” Gianna said. “I mean, obviously I know or I wouldn’t have hesitated. And obviously I love you guys and want your opinion or I wouldn’t have asked. So what do you think I should do?”

“Okay, so are you asking for our opinion?” Emily asked her. “Or are you hoping that we’re going to confirm the answer  _ you  _ want to give so you feel better about it?”

“I want your opinion.” Gianna said. “As your daughter who loves and respects you. And as your daughter who is an adult who can make her own choices, I reserve the right to completely ignore your advice.”

“As is tradition with all parents and their adult children.” Emily responded. “Well, I think it’s pretty clear how I feel. You guys are just starting out, I think you should wait a couple years, live together and if you feel the same way in four or five years, go for it.”

“Daddy?” Gianna said. “Do you agree?”

“Tell me something, Gianna.” Derek said. “When you were seventeen, you told me that you love him. Is that still the case?”

“Yeah, Dad.” Gianna said. “Even when we were broken up, I never stopped loving him.”

“Do you see that changing?” Derek asked. “Can you still see yourself with him in twenty, thirty years?”

Gianna smiled. “I do.” She said. “I know I’m young but I see it all with him, and I think we really have a shot at making each other happy for the rest of our lives.”

“Okay then.” Derek said. “In that case, I think you should trust your gut, Gigi. Whether that means waiting a few years or eloping to Mexico tomorrow, you know how you feel and I trust your judgment.”

“Are you serious? Gianna said. “I could say yes and be walking down the aisle in six months, and you’d be right there with me and be  _ okay  _ with it?”

“If that’s what you wanted.” Derek said. “If you were sure, I’d give you away next week.”

“Derek.” Emily said. “I get that you’re trying to be supportive here, but are you  _ sure  _ that’s the message that we should be sending right now?”

“Emily, yes.” Derek said. “A wise woman once told me that our daughter needed us to love her in the scariest moment of her life. Now we got through that and that same daughter is facing a different kind of scary, one that could have a happier ending. Shouldn’t we be loving her through this moment too?”

“Of course.” Emily said. “And Gianna, I do  _ not  _ want you to think that I won’t support whatever you decide…”

“I know, Mom.” Gianna said. “I get it. I’m twenty-three, I’m your baby daughter. I’d probably freak if I were you, I don’t blame you for being worried.”

Emily raised an eyebrow. “But?”

“But I love him, Mom.” Gianna said. “I’ve loved him since I met him when I was ten years old. I think I’ve always known that I was gonna marry him, and yeah, I’ll probably love him just as much in five more years, but you told me that you reached a point with Dad where you didn’t want to wait anymore. I’ve already been waiting over half my life.”

“Well,” Emily said. “It sounds like you already have your answer, sweetheart.”

“I think I do.” Gianna said, seeming surprised at herself. “I didn’t think I did when I came here, but…”

Emily smiled. “I love you, sweet girl.” 

“I love you too.” Gianna said, hugging both of her parents. “I love you both, so much.”

“You’ll have to call us after you tell that boy your answer, Gigi.” Derek said. “And don’t think I won’t still hurt him if he ever has so much as an unkind thought towards my baby girl.”

“I know, Dad.” Gianna said, laughing through her tears falling down her face. “Thank you for showing me what love looks like. All I ever wanted was a love like you guys, and now I have it.”

“Then I’m happy.” Derek said. “Go get your happy ending, Gigi. We’ll be right there with you.”

Gianna went home late the next day, hugging her parents a little tighter when she left. She got home late that evening and Devon was waiting for her in the apartment they shared, making soul food from his old family recipes that he knew she loved, and his eyes brightened when he saw her. He didn’t ask again, he didn’t have to. If the look of love in Gianna’s eyes wasn’t enough to tip him off, the way she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him was. If any doubt remained in Devon’s mind when she pulled away, Gianna erased it with a single word.

She said, “Yes.”

And though they were still kids, though they didn’t have a plan, that word and their love was all they needed to get them through. 


	14. Crush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gianna has a problem, Mia has a solution.

_ Gianna Morgan, age 14 _

_ Mia Morgan, age 16 _

_ Julia Morgan, age 19 _

Gianna was so angry she could  _ scream.  _ In fact, she  _ did  _ scream, and stomp, and punch the wall. It was bad enough that she’d finally started her period a few months ago and was on it now, the cramps rolling through her and her emotions reeling, but then Ava, her supposed  _ best friend  _ had to go and stab her in the back at school. So much for sisterhood. Mia heard the commotion and came barreling down the stairs to see what was the matter with her raging sibling.

“Dude, what is  _ wrong  _ with you?” Mia said. “You’re lucky Mom and Dad are gone, they’d flip their shit if they caught you going all Mike Tyson on their house!”

“I’m on the freakin’ rag,  _ again! _ ” Gianna said. “Jesus Christ, this is what you and Jules have had to put  _ up  _ with all these years? No wonder you guys cry all the freakin’ time!”

“It sucks, doesn’t it?” Mia said. “Try dealing with this shit in the sixth grade, you got a couple extra years.”

“I hate this!” Gianna shouted. “It freakin’ sucks, Mimi!”

“Mom and Dad aren’t here, you know.” Mia said, looking amused. “I’m not gonna tell on you if you say ‘fuck’ instead. I literally say it all the time.”

Gianna took a deep breath, eyes wide. “Fuck!” She shouted. “Fuck fuck fuckity fuck! This is fucking bullshit! I fucking hate it! Fuck!”

“Atta girl.” Mia said. “Now, you wanna tell me what else has you pissed off enough to fight drywall and talk like you just got a comedy special on HBO?”

“Fucking Ava, man!” Gianna exclaimed. “I thought we were cool, but she totally screwed me over!”

“Damn.” Mia said. “I thought she was like your BFF? What did she do to screw you over, Gi?”

“She asked Devon out.” Gianna said. “On a date.”

“Which is a problem because…?”

“Because I liked him first!” Gianna said. “And she  _ knew  _ I liked him and she asked him out anyway!”

“You don’t  _ own  _ a guy, Gigi.” Mia said, with a roll of her eyes. “I mean, sure, that’s totally sketchy, but if you liked him so much, why didn’t  _ you  _ ask him out?”

“You know how Mom and Dad feel about dating!” Gianna said. “Besides, I was scared!”

Mia stared blankly at her. “Why?”

“Because we’ve been friends forever!” Gianna said. “I don’t wanna ruin that, duh! I mean, how would  _ you  _ feel if you found out your best friend had a crush on you for years and never told you til high school?”

“Whoa hold on, years?” Mia asked. “How long have you liked Devon for, exactly?”

“Like, practically since I met him.” Gianna said, shuffling her feet. “It’s not like it was a big deal when I was younger, I just wanted to hang out with him all the time. Now he’s like all I can think about and I get this weird feeling in the pit of my stomach when I see him and I think I wouldn’t mind hanging out with him like every day for the rest of my life.”

“Oh my god.” Mia laughed. “You’re fucking in  _ love  _ with him, Gianna! Head over heels, stupid in love!”

“I am  _ not  _ in love with him!” Gianna scoffed, her face turning red. “Mia, come on! I’m fourteen!”

“So?” Mia said. “Maybe I should call up Uncle Spencer and ask him what percentage of people end up marrying their high school sweethearts?”

“We’re not sweethearts!” Gianna said. “We’re not even dating! Obviously, or this wouldn’t be a problem!”

“And you never will,” Mia said. “If you don’t woman up and fight for your man. Or you could just step aside and let that snake Ava have him.”

Gianna’s eyes narrowed. “No fucking way.”

“That’s what I thought.” Mia grinned. “Now where does he live? We’re gonna march down there right now and you’re gonna tell him you’ve been dying inside since you were ten and how you guys are destined to be together forever.”

“I don’t know, Mi.” Gianna said as her sister pushed her through the front door. “What if he doesn’t like me back? What if he actually likes Ava?”

“Then I kick his ass.” Mia said. “Just like Dad would if he knew that his baby was in love in the first place.”

They walked about a block away to Devon’s house and Mia rapped on the door with an urgency that would have made the FBI proud, pasting her best good girl smile on when Mrs. Williams answered the door and asking sweetly if they could talk to Devon. Moments later, a gangly fourteen year old boy with dark skin and curly black hair was on the front porch looking very confused as Mia’s smile faded and the tough older sister look reappeared. She folded her arms and nudged Gianna, who had suddenly become  _ very  _ interested in her shoes, forward encouragingly.

“Go on.” Mia said. “Tell him what you told me.”

“Gigi, what’s up?” Devon asked. “Why is your scary older sister here and why does she look like she wants to eat me alive? Whoa, are you okay?”

Gianna’s face had crumpled and she cursed herself internally as she swatted at the hot tears rolling down her cheeks. Her lips quivered.

“I- I heard Ava asked you out.” Gianna said. “I know- I know it’s no- none of m-my business but- but-“

“Whoa whoa, Gigi.” Devon said. “Why are you so upset? I don’t even- what’s wrong?”

“It’s dumb…” 

“It is  _ not  _ dumb!” Mia exclaimed. “Come on, Gi, just tell him how you really feel, okay?”

Gianna stammered something unintelligible before bursting into tears anew. Realization dawned on Devon’s face and he moved forward and took Gianna’s hand in his, forcing her to look up at him.

“Gigi, come on.” Devon said. “Yes, Ava asked me out but I turned her down like right away.”

Gianna stared at him with tear-filled eyes. “You did?”

“Yeah, I did.” Devon said. “I told her that I liked someone else and it wouldn’t be fair to her  _ or  _ the other girl if I strung her along when I didn’t feel it for her.”

“Oh.” Gianna said, her face falling again. “Who is she? The girl that you like?”

Devon looked up at Mia. “Is she for real?”

“Just spell it out for her.” Mia said, rolling her eyes with annoyance. “She’s had a rough day.”

“Gianna, it’s  _ you  _ that I like.” Devon said. “I’ve liked you since I moved here, I just didn’t figure it out until I realized that most guys didn’t feel like stupid happy when a girl smokes them in one on one.”

“You do?” Gianna asked with a small smile. “You like me? Why didn’t you tell me before?”

“I was scared.” Devon said. “You’re the coolest girl I’ve ever met, I didn’t wanna look dumb in front of you! Besides, your parents were FBI and  _ everybody  _ knows your sisters. If I messed up, I’m a dead man!”

“Smart boy.” Mia said. “And I could still break you in half if you messed with my little sister. She’s mine and Julia’s baby just as much as my mom and dad’s.”

“Mia!” Gianna said. “I think I got this!”

“Okay!” Mia grinned. “Sorry!”

Gianna turned back to Devon with the biggest, brightest smile on her face.

“I’ll be fifteen soon.” Gianna said. “I know a couple months is a long time to wait for a date, but I really like you too, and we can still hang out!”

Devon smiled. “I waited this long.” He said. “What’s a couple more months?”

Gianna flung her arms around Devon, nearly knocking him over in her happiness. Mia grinned and shook her head as Devon pulled back and kissed Gianna in that nervous, kind of messy way that a kid who's never kissed anyone before thinks you’re supposed to.

“Alright, well I’m gonna go.” Mia said. “Gigi, be home before dark or Mama and Daddy are gonna lose their minds. Devon, be nice to my sister or I’ll kill your ass.”

“Yes ma’am.” Devon said, then he turned to Gigi. “You wanna shoot some hoops?”

Gianna grinned. “I thought you’d never ask.”

Mia walked away as Devon ran in to grab his basketball, noticing the way he hesitated to let go of her sister’s hand. Gianna looked like she was on top of the world, and even though she knew that she would have to wait until she was fifteen to officially call Devon her boyfriend, she was too happy to care. The boy she had liked for as long as she could remember liked her back, and no backstabbing friend could take that away from her. She had no idea yet that that day was the first day of the rest of her life, or that the happiness she felt would follow her into adulthood. For now, she had everything she wanted, and that was enough for her.


	15. Self-Discovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mia gets caught in a compromising situation and she has a serious discussion with Julia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for mentions/allusions to self-harm and depression. Please proceed with caution.

_ Mia Morgan, age 14 _

_ Julia Morgan, age 17 _

_ Gianna Morgan, age 12 _

Mia  _ seriously  _ needed a lock for her door. She and her friend Carrie were supposed to be studying, however, whenever she and Carrie “studied” lately, it ended up with both of them in various states of undress. It didn’t mean anything, of course it didn’t, but a couple of months into the school year, Carrie had confided in Mia that she was curious about what it would be like to kiss a girl and Mia, who had been feeling more and more confused lately herself, had suggested that they kiss just to see what it was like. So they had kissed. Then kissing had led to more and Mia had been left with the knowledge that her first experience had been with a girl, and as much as that scared her, she didn’t want to go back. It all would have been fine if Julia wasn’t allergic to knocking and hadn’t walked in on Mia and Carrie in nothing but their bras and shorts, kissing furiously and clearly  _ not  _ studying. To her credit, Julia had apologized and quickly shut the door, but the damage was done. Carrie had dressed and left in a hurry, and Mia sat on her bed feeling hurt and embarrassed, wondering just how much trouble she was in. A while later, Julia knocked softly on the door and sat beside Mia, not looking at her.

“Did Carrie leave?” She asked.

“Yeah.” Mia said. “She went home.”

“I’m not judging.” Julia said. “But Mia, what were you  _ thinking?  _ What if Mom or Dad had caught you doing that instead of me? You  _ know  _ the rule is no dating til fifteen! And you guys were almost naked!”

Mia shrugged. “Are you gonna tell them?”

“Of course I’m not gonna tell them!” Julia said. “I’m not totally heartless! But I don’t understand. What’s going on with you, Mia? Are you like  _ with  _ Carrie?”

“No!” Mia said a little too fast. “No! We’re not like  _ dating  _ or anything, we just...fooled around a couple times.”

Julia raised her eyebrow. “Fooling around how?” She asked. “Like making out? Or sex?”

“It started out with just kissing.” Mia sighed. “We were both curious what it would be like with a girl. Then it was more than kissing and...I know you’re gonna say I’m too young, but I have all these  _ feelings  _ and when Carrie and I do it...I feel really good.”

“You  _ are  _ pretty young,” Julia said. “I mean, David and I haven’t even done it yet and I’m older than you!”

Mia gave her sister a pointed look.

“Okay.” Julia grinned. “We’ve done a little bit, and yeah, it feels really good, but I’m seventeen and we’ve been dating for a while. You’re fourteen and sure, maybe it’s not as dangerous with a girl, at least you can’t get pregnant or anything, but it’s still sex!”

“So what?” Mia snapped. “I don’t regret it! It’s not like it means anything and it’s  _ my  _ body!”

“I know it is.” Julia said. “I’m not trying to make you feel bad, Mimi, I’m just worried about you.”

“Why?” Mia asked. “Because I lost it to a girl?”

“No!” Julia said. “Because I don’t know what this means and I wanna know if you do! Are you-? Do you even  _ like  _ boys like that, Mia?”

Mia faltered, she looked down at her hands.

“I don’t know.” She said quietly. “I don’t know, Jules, and  _ that’s  _ what scares me.”

“Okay.” Julia said. “Hey, I’m sorry. I’m not trying to be mean, okay? I just wanna make sure you’re okay.”

“I know.” Mia sniffled, leaning into her sister. “I know, I’m not trying to...I’ve just never felt this way before and it’s kind of freaking me out.”

“Well, think about it.” Julia said. “When we were little girls, we used to talk about how we were gonna get married and how we wanted our weddings, right?”

“Right.” Mia said. “I remember.”

“So when you think about getting married.” Julia said, grabbing Mia’s hand. “Do you picture yourself getting married to a boy or a girl?”

“I don’t- a girl.” Mia said. “It never used to be, when I was little I just thought girls were supposed to get married to boys, but then it changed.”

“Mia…” Julia said. “Do you think you might be gay?”

“I’m not gay! Mia said. “I can’t be gay!”

“Well, why not?” Julia asked. “You obviously liked what you were doing with Carrie, and if you see yourself marrying a girl instead of a guy...what else do you call that if you’re not gay?”

“I- I don’t know.” Mia said. “Julia, I don’t  _ want  _ to be!”

“I don’t think you have a choice.” Julia said. “You can’t  _ change  _ the way you feel. I mean, you could ignore it but that’s not...it’s not healthy! And I don’t want you to end up like those kids who hurt themselves instead of just being who they are!”

“What if I already have?”

Julia stared at her sister for a long time before grabbing her hands and squeezing them tight.

“Please, Mia.” She said. “Please tell me you’re not.”

“A couple of times.” Mia muttered. “It hurt, a lot and Uncle Luke saw and asked me what happened. I lied but I don’t think he believed me and I got scared that he’d tell Mom and Dad what he saw, so I stopped. I haven’t done it since, even though I really wanted to.”

Julia cleared her throat. “You need to  _ promise  _ me, Mia.” She said. “Promise me that you won’t do that again. If you’re not ready to tell Mom and Dad how you feel about girls yet, I’m not gonna say anything but if you’re hurting yourself...Mia, if they found out it would  _ kill  _ them! It would break their hearts!”

“I know, I’m sorry.” Mia said, her face crumpling. “I’m just so confused and it hurts so bad.”

“Maybe you should talk to Auntie Tara.”

“She’s a  _ criminal  _ psychologist.” Mia said. “I’m just a teenage girl who shouldn’t be around sharp objects.”

“She could still help.” Julia said, tucking a curl of Mia’s hair behind her ear. “Please? You’re my baby sister and if something happened to you, I don’t know what I would do. I’d be lost without you, Mimi.”

Mia looked at her sister and was surprised to see that Julia was crying too. Usually she was the strong one, the big sister who picked Mia and Gianna up when they fell and who always knew what to do. Now Mia saw that her sister was still just a girl herself, one who was scared and worried, and who loved her.

“Please, Mia?” Julia said again. “You’re the best thing in mine and Gigi’s lives, I don’t wanna lose you.”

“You’re not gonna lose me, Jules.” Mia said. “Okay, I’ll talk to Auntie Tara. I don’t know how it’s gonna help, but I’ll do it. Just please don’t cry anymore!”

“I’m sorry.” Julia said, hugging. “You scared me! I just want you to be okay, you’re my sister!”

“I know.” Mia said. “Thank you for being so cool about the whole thing with Carrie, and for being worried.”

“Always!” Julia said. “I love you, sissy.”

“I love you too.” Mia said. “Forever and ever!”

Mia didn’t know what she was going to do with her newfound discovery, she didn’t know when she was going to tell her parents about how she felt or how. She knew she had bigger problems than what happened with Carrie, and she knew that she couldn’t do it on her own. But she had her sister, and Julia loved her and that made a small part of Mia want to get better, to at least try. It would be a long road for her to get feeling better, but she was willing to take the next step.


	16. Learning to Breathe Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lost and confused, Mia turns to Tara for help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: discussion and mild depiction of self-harm, brief mention of suicidal thoughts.

_ Mia Morgan, age 14 _

_ Julia Morgan, age 17 _

_ Gianna Morgan, age 12 _

“I got your message, what’s wrong?”

Mia fiddled with the sleeves on her jacket, not wanting to look at Tara. She’d known all of her parents’ colleagues since she had been a baby, they were all her honorary aunts and uncles, though she was closer to some than she was to others. Penelope kept the girls’ secrets, Spencer helped them with learning new things, and Tara was the one who gave them advice. Now Mia needed some serious advice, and though she knew that Tara would help her, she was still nervous about how the normally calm woman would react.

“I need your help.” Mia said. “Like, professional help.”

“What, like a college thing?” Tara asked. “I know I’m not the best when it comes to dates, but I’m pretty sure you’re only in the ninth grade.”

“Not that.” Mia said. “I need to talk to someone and Julia thought maybe you knew somebody.”

“A therapist?” Tara said. “Well, yeah, honey. I could probably put you in touch with someone, but why didn’t you just ask your mom and dad?”

“No!” Mia said. “They can’t know, it would kill them!”

Tara paused and sat down. “Okay.” She said. “So I take it that this is pretty serious if you don’t want them to know. I’ll try to help you, but I need you to be completely honest with me. What we talk about here doesn’t leave this room, okay?”

“Okay.” Mia said. She took a deep breath. “I’ve been going through some stuff. Stuff that I’m not ready to tell Mom and Dad about, and it’s dumb cause I know that they love me but I’m just not ready to go there yet.”

“Well, that’s pretty normal.” Tara said. “You’re transitioning from a little girl to a young woman, you’re still figuring yourself out. What’s going on?”

“I think…” Mia hesitated. “I think I like girls. The way that  _ most  _ girls like boys.”

“Okay.” Tara said. “Coming out can be scary, I get that. But your parents love you, that’s not gonna change.”

“I know.” Mia said. “But it’s so confusing, and I have all of these thoughts and feelings and it’s stressing me out! I can’t  _ deal  _ with it, Auntie Tara!”

“Are you safe?” Tara asked. “Is there someone who’s hurting you? Because if you’re in danger, I’m required by law to report that. Your safety comes first.”

“No! Not that!” Mia said. “I’m not being like abused or anything! She would never do that to me!”

“But there  _ is  _ someone?” Tara said. “Are you two sexually active? Again, this isn’t gonna leave the room, I just need to know what’s happening here.”

“Yeah.” Mia said. “And it’s fine, I  _ wanted  _ to do all that stuff, I just...I think it’s messing with my head!”

“Messing, how?” 

“I don’t…” Mia said. “It was my choice to go that far, and I  _ liked  _ it but I feel  _ different  _ and I don’t  _ want  _ to be different and I- I did stuff I shouldn’t have.”

Tara nodded. “Okay.”

“I know I shouldn’t have.” Mia said. “I just felt like everything was wrong and I didn’t know what to do, and I saw other girls in the bathroom at school, so I tried it and now...I can’t stop! I’ve tried, and I did for a while, but it’s like- it’s like I feel too much and I can’t let it out and so…”

“Mia, I need to know  _ exactly  _ what you’re doing.” Tara said. “Is it drugs? Alcohol? How serious are we talking, here?”

Mia sighed and pulled up her sleeves. All up and down her arms was the evidence of what she had done to herself, some freshly done, some healed over, some that had faded into faint scars. Tara examined them, and though she kept her expression neutral, Mia could see that she was struggling to do so.

“You’re cutting yourself.” Tara said. She shook her head and cleared her throat. “How long?”

“A few months.” Mia said, unable to look her aunt in the eye. “I’m really sorry.”

“This is pretty serious, Mia.” Tara sighed. “When someone self-harms, it’s usually the symptom of a deeper problem or a desire to attack the self. When you do this, how does it make you feel?”

Mia shrugs. “It hurts.” She said. “But it makes me feel better, for a minute anyway, like when they suck poison out of a snake bite in those old movies.”

“So would you say,” Tara said. “That when you cut, it makes you feel like you’re letting some of the hurt that you’re feeling out?”

“Yeah!” Mia said. “But then I stop and I look at what I did, and I just feel ashamed and it makes me feel even  _ worse _ and I wanna do it even more!”

“It can be a vicious cycle.” Tara said. “And for some people, cutting or self-injurious behavior can be just as addicting as drugs or alcohol. It releases chemicals in our brains to combat the pain and that can make it even harder to stop.”

“I’m starting to get that.” Mia said. “I wish I had never started, Auntie Tara. I wish I could take it back!”

“I know.” Tara said. “The fact that you’re talking to someone about it is a good sign, and I’m really proud of you for doing that. Now, you’re probably not gonna want to answer this, but it’s important. Do you ever think of committing suicide?”

“What? No!” Mia exclaimed. “No! I would never do that! I just messed up and I don’t know how to stop feeling like this! I want to stop and get better, not kill myself!”

“Okay.” Tara said. “Okay, that’s good. That’s really good, Mia. And I think I know someone who can help you. Now, I don’t know that we can get around telling your parents that you’re seeing a professional, especially since you don’t drive, but you’re under  _ no  _ obligation to tell them what for.”

“Well, what do I tell them?” Mia asked. “If I tell them I’m seeing a therapist, they’re gonna ask why.”

“You could say you’re struggling with your emotions and you thought therapy would help.” Tara said. “That’s true enough. I could even help you talk to them.”

“I think that would help.” Mia said. “Thanks Auntie Tara, for helping me.”

“You know I’ve got you.” Tara said, wrapping her in a hug. “Taking off my psychologist hat and putting on my auntie hat, I hope you know how very loved you are, sweet girl. Who you love will never change that.”

“I know, Auntie Tara.” Mia said. “I love you too.”

“I know you can beat this, Mia.” Tara said. “I’m rooting for you. Don’t you ever forget that.”

  
  


True to her word, Tara was by Mia’s side to explain to Derek and Emily that Mia was struggling and felt that she could benefit from professional help. They were understandably confused and concerned, but Tara had her back and somehow managed to reassure Emily and Derek that this was a positive step while communicating to them that respecting Mia’s privacy was a key part of her success. Mia would continue to struggle for many years, but that first session was a step in the right direction, she began to develop coping skills, and what had seemed like the very bottom of a black hole slowly, over time, began to seem manageable again. The transformation didn’t happen overnight, but Mia stopped feeling quite so lost and alone, she knew she was loved, and that helped give her the strength to keep working to get better.


	17. Old Wounds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mia’s problems come to light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for: discussion of self-harm and depression, brief mention of suicidal thoughts

_ Mia Morgan, age 17 _

_ Julia Morgan, age 20 _

_ Gianna Morgan, age 15 _

Mia was able to stop for a decently long time. She slipped up now and then, but with therapy and the coping skills she had learned, Mia hadn’t had a relapse in several months. Coming out to her parents had helped immensely, and for a very long time, Mia felt like she had a new lease on life. Then the break up happened, and Mia had a hard time staying strong. As if that weren’t enough, finals and college applications were right around the corner, just in time for the whispers to start at school. Rumors weren’t uncommon in the halls of Mia’s high school, but  _ she  _ had never been the subject of them before, and the ugly words that other students were using to refer to her made Mia’s skin itch. 

Soon she was falling back into old habits and becoming more withdrawn, enough that Derek and Emily noticed and became concerned, and she even got a call from Julia in the middle of the school week. Gianna had heard the whispers in the hall and made it her mission to threaten to personally clobber anyone she heard spreading them, which was pretty effective considering that Gianna was six feet tall at fifteen years old, but it didn’t really do much to help Mia’s image. Things all came to a head one evening when Mia got home from her part time job at an artsy thrift store that was a favorite of hipsters and the first thing she saw was Gianna’s worried face in the entryway, and beyond her, both Derek and Emily seated on the couch.

“Before you go in there, I’m sorry!” Gianna said. “I’m really sorry, I went in your room to borrow a book for a report I had to do. I should have waited, I didn’t mean for this to happen, I’m really sorry!”

“Gigi, go to your room.” Derek said softly. “Mia, we need to talk. The three of us.”

Mia’s heart sank as she sat down in a chair opposite her parents. Gianna squeezed her hand as she passed and bounded up the stairs to her room. Derek sighed and unzipped a small case that contained all of the things Mia had used on herself over the years, things she had kept secret, or so she thought. Mia felt her chest tighten and for a moment she thought she was going to throw up. In her parents’ eyes were a thousand questions that Mia didn’t want to answer.

“What’s all of this, Mia?” Derek asked. “I want to know, because my first thought when I saw this stuff was going back to my FBI days and I know that’s not you.”

“We’re not judging you.” Emily said. “If this is a, uh, a sex thing or something, we just have some concerns about safety and risk of infection-“

“Oh, that’s great.” Mia scoffed. “You find this shit in my room and that’s where your mind goes? I’m either some sort of sex freak or a serial killer in training?”

“Hey now, watch your tone.” Derek said. “You may almost be an adult, but we are  _ still  _ your parents.”

“Yeah, you are.” Mia said. “Which would make me  _ hope  _ that you guys know your own  _ daughter  _ well enough to know that neither of those things are true.”

“Well, then enlighten us.” Derek said. “What’s all this stuff for? Is it some kind of drug thing?”

“Why is it always about  _ drugs  _ with you?” Mia asked.

“Mia, sweetie.” Emily said. “Trust is the issue right now. We were doing really well for a while, but now you’re being secretive again, you’re quiet, you’re  _ not  _ our happy girl anymore...you didn’t even tell us people were spreading rumors about you at school! Gianna told us she’s been threatening to break heads!”

“Gianna shouldn’t worry.” Mia muttered. “I can handle myself. I’m the big sister, I should be taking care of  _ her,  _ not the other way around!”

“That’s not the point.” Emily said. “Sweetie talk to us, please. Are you in some kind of trouble? We can help, but first you have to let us. What is it?”

Mia’s eyes filled with tears. “You guys don’t get it!” She said. “You have  _ no  _ idea!”

“Then  _ tell us,  _ Mia!” Derek said. “We don’t  _ know  _ if you don’t tell us what’s happening so we can  _ help _ you!”

“I’m trying to spare you!” Mia said. “I don’t  _ want  _ to tell you guys because I don’t want you to have to feel this way too! I don’t wanna  _ hurt  _ you!”

“Baby, we’re your parents.” Derek said. “Our shoulders are pretty strong, we can take it.”

“I tried to stop.” Mia said, breaking down. “I really tried, Daddy. I did a really good job for a while, then everything got bad again, and I can’t-!”

The rest of Mia’s sentence was drowned in sobbing and she leaned into her father’s shoulders, unable to continue. Derek wrapped his arms around his daughter, casting a panicked glance at Emily.

“Sweetie, please tell us what’s wrong.” Emily said, rubbing Mia’s back. “We love you and we just don’t want to see you hurting any more.”

“It’s what I’ve spent three years in therapy for.” Mia said, her voice muffled. “I’m sorry.”

“What is?” Emily asked.

“Look under my sleeves at my arms.”

Derek and Emily exchanged a look, then Derek did exactly that, gently rolling up the sleeves on Mia’s left arm and examining it. It took him seconds to look and seconds to look away, clenching his jaw and breathing hard, trying his absolute damnedest not to let his daughter see him cry, not when she needed him to be strong, to be the protector she needed.

“Baby, why?” Derek said, his voice broke. “Why would you wanna do that to yourself?”

“It started a long time ago.” Mia whimpered, her face still buried in his shoulder. “I was sad and confused and couldn’t deal with what I was going through, so I did that instead. And then I couldn’t stop.”

Derek cleared his throat. “How long?”

“Off and on for three years.” Mia said. “Therapy helped for a while, but then Anna dumped me, and people started  _ saying  _ stuff about me and I have to try and ignore all of that stuff so I can get good grades and get into a good school next year and it was too much!”

“Do you-“ Derek faltered. “Are you trying to  _ kill _ yourself, Mimi? Do you not want to  _ live _ anymore?”

Out of the corner of his eye, Derek saw his wife, the stunned, horrified expression on her face. Emily’s mouth was open and her eyes were glued to Mia’s bare arm, like she couldn’t force herself to look away.

“Dad, no!” Mia said. “I don’t wanna die, I wanna  _ live!  _ But everything is just so hard and I don’t know what to  _ do  _ anymore! I just know I can’t keep  _ doing  _ this!”

“I know, baby.” Derek said. “You shouldn’t have to live like this,  _ no one  _ should have to live like this. We’re gonna get you more help, Mia. Whatever it takes, whatever we have to do so that you’re not suffering.”

“I never meant for it to be like this.” Mia said. “I wish more than anything I never started doing it!”

“I know you didn’t.” Derek said. “And believe it or not, I know what it’s like to feel like things are so bad that they’re never gonna get better. But you know what? You are loved, Mia, you are  _ so  _ loved and as long as your mother and I are alive, we’re not giving up on you. Okay? You will  _ always  _ have us.”

Mia nodded and lifted her head to wipe her eyes. That’s when she caught sight of her mother, saw the way that Emily was looking at her, the pain and confusion written on her face as clearly as the tears that shone in her brown eyes.

“Mom?” Mia said, her voice quiet. “Mommy?”

“You were such an easy baby.” Emily said, her voice barely above a whisper. “From the very beginning, you were every mother’s dream, you were perfect. And it scared the hell out me because I was worried that I wouldn’t know when you needed- and now…”

“Mama, no!” Mia groaned, more tears falling from her eyes as she watched her mother begin to fall apart as well. “Please, Mama! Please!”

Mia practically tackled Emily, who clung to her daughter for dear life and they both dissolved into tears. Emily rocked her back and forth, her hand instinctively reaching to stroke Mia’s cheek.

“Tell me what to do, baby.” Emily croaked. “Tell me how to help you. I’ll do anything to make it better.”

“I need my Mom.” Mia said. “I need you to love me and take care of me like you always have.”

“I do, Mia.” Emily said. “You’re my love, my heart. I loved you before I ever laid eyes on you. I would give you every last bit of me if it would take this hurt away.”

Emily stopped and planted kiss after kiss on her daughter’s, head, her forehead, her nose and cheeks. She took Mia’s arms and kissed them too, running her thumbs along Mia’s wrists where she could feel her pulse. Emily smiled sadly.

“You grew in my body the longest.” She said. “That first appointment I was so afraid, for no real reason, that they wouldn’t be able to find your heartbeat. I needed you to be okay so badly, and I still do. I still do, my Mia-Mia. You girls are my truest loves and it breaks my heart that this seemed like the best way to deal with the hurt you had inside. I’m so sorry, my baby.”

“It’s not your fault, Mama.” Mia said. “I made the choice to do it, I don’t even know what I was thinking. I was so lost and I should have...I should have come to you.”

“You’re here now.” Emily said, hugging Mia again even more tightly. “You’re still here and that’s what matters, and we are gonna do everything we can to help you.”

Mia let out a sob. “I love you, Mom.”

“I love you too.” Emily said. “We both do.”

  
  


That night, Mia slept in her parent’s room, something that none of the girls had done since they were young, and she and Emily seemed to cling to one another, even in sleep. The next morning, they got to work. Mia gave up everything she could use to harm herself, she told them everything, every event that led her to the dark place she had found herself in. Emily called the school and demanded, in her best “former director of the FBI” voice that action be taken against the rumors being spread about her daughter. They talked to Mia’s therapist as a family and came up with a more intensive plan of care. Mia felt fear and uncertainty about the future, but her parents wrapped her in a protective bubble and she knew that she no longer had to do it alone. She had a long road ahead of her, but Mia knew that she genuinely wanted to get better and now she knew that she had the support to try. Mia knew that her family was behind her and that if she fell, they would catch her. So she began again, with renewed energy and desire, and this time, she was determined to put her demons behind her once and for all. This time, she would come back stronger than ever.


	18. New Beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gianna’s life changes forever.

_ Gianna Morgan, age 27 _

_ Mia Morgan, age 29 _

_ Julia Morgan, age 32 _

Ten years, almost to the day that Gianna first found out she was pregnant at seventeen, she was born.

Gianna and Devon hadn’t been trying, but they hadn’t  _ not  _ been trying either. When they got the news, they were ecstatic and Gianna’s first call was to her parents, though they barely understood her through the bubbling happy tears that spilled out of her as she excitedly told them they were going to be grandparents. The hardest part of her pregnancy was taking time off from playing basketball, though she kept it up for as long as possible with a doctor monitoring her constantly. Gianna felt a sense of wonder at her changing body, the way her stomach swelled as her pregnancy progressed and her baby kicked her at all hours of the night. When she and Devon found out that they were having a daughter, Gianna knew right away what her name would be.

Then one summer day, it was time for that little girl to make her appearance. Flights were booked, and when Gianna checked into the hospital, her family was there.

“How you feeling, Gigi?” Derek asked, kissing her head.

“I’m okay.” Gianna said, wincing. “It’s not too bad yet.”

“Well, your sister sends her love.” Derek said. “As soon as she gets back from the case she’s on, she’s taking the next flight out to see you.”

“I can’t believe she’s gonna miss this.” Mia said. “Our first niece.”

“That’s the BAU for you.” Emily said. “I got lucky that I was at home when my water broke with you two.”

“No kidding!” Gianna said. “Mom, I can’t believe you did this  _ three  _ times!”

“I can’t either, sometimes.” Emily chuckled. “But I promise, it’s worth it.”

“Hey Mimi!” Amy, Mia’s wife, said. “When are  _ we  _ gonna have one of these?”

Mia’s face went blank. “Uh…”

“I’m kidding!” Amy said, laughing. “God, the look on your face was priceless!”

Gianna groaned and her face screwed up in pain as another contraction hit her. She squeezed Devon’s hand and he rubbed her back sympathetically.

“I know, baby.” Devon said. “I know, I’m sorry. You’re doing so good, Gianna. You’re doing great.”

“Oh this sucks!” Gianna said. “The doctor said she was measuring big, too!”

“Well…” Mia said. “You guys  _ are  _ both over six feet tall.”

Gianna glared at her. “Thanks, sis.”

Hours ticked by, and Gianna trudged on. Finally, the doctor came in to check her and found that she was at ten centimeters and it was time to bring her daughter into the world.

“Okay.” Doctor Smith said. “I need everybody to clear out for this, we need to start pushing.”

“Wait!” Gianna said. “Mom, don’t leave me.”

Emily stopped. “You want me to stay?”

“I  _ need  _ you to stay.” Gianna said. “Please? You held my hand ten years ago, I need you now too.”

“Okay.” Emily said. “I’ll stay. I’ll stay.”

The rest of the family filed out of the room and Emily stood by Gianna’s side while Devon took the other. She held Gianna’s hand and watched as her baby brought a baby of her own into the world. Her granddaughter came screaming into the world late at night, nine pounds and seven ounces of righteous fury. Emily couldn’t stop the tears that streamed down her face as she pushed back damp, sweaty curls from Gianna’s face. Gianna and Devon were crying too as their wiggling little girl was placed on Gianna’s chest. Emily tried to pull away, to give this new little family a moment alone, but Gianna held tight to her hand.

“Mama, look.” Gianna said. “Look at your grandbaby.”

“She’s beautiful, Gigi.” Emily said. “You did such a good job, sweetie. You did so good.”

“She has the same nose as you and me.” Gianna laughed, choking on tears. “Those Prentiss genes must be pretty strong, huh Mom?”

“I guess so.” Emily chuckled. “I’m proud of you.”

“Thank you for staying with me.” 

Emily smiled and kissed the top of Gianna’s head, stroking her hair. “Always, baby.” She said. “You want me to go tell everyone that she’s here?”

“In a minute.” Gianna said. “I kinda just want my Mom right now, if that’s alright with you.”

Emily felt her heart melt and she squeezed her daughter’s hand. She stared at her daughter, who was staring at  _ her  _ daughter, and they just stayed like that for a minute. Then Emily  _ did  _ give Gianna and Devon some time to soak up their new reality as parents alone. When the family filed in later to visit, Gianna and Devon announced their daughter’s name.

Delilah Emily Williams. A way to honor both of her parents while giving her daughter her own identity.

Both Derek and Emily cried.

That night, everyone else had gone to get some rest, and Devon had stepped out to update  _ his  _ parents on Delilah’s arrival, so Derek got to spend a few precious moments alone with his daughter and granddaughter, who was sleeping in Gianna’s arms. He ran his fingers through Gianna’s hair, remembering the day that she was born, so much smaller than the little girl she now held. It felt like life had come full circle.

“I’m so proud of you, Gianna.” Derek said. “You did this on your own terms and look at you now.”

“I had help.” Gianna chuckled. “I didn’t understand what you meant when you said you never knew how much you could love someone til you had us girls, but now I know. She’s perfect, Daddy.”

“Now you know how your mom and I felt about all three of you.” Derek said. “She really is a beauty. Just like her beautiful mother.”

“Hmm, I think she kinda looks like her dad.” Gianna said with a smile. “I love her a lot.”

Derek smiled. “I know you do, baby.” He said. “Little miss Delilah is gonna have a lot of love in her life.”

“Good.” Gianna said. “So am I still your little girl, even though I have one of my own?”

“You’ll always be my little girl.” Derek said. “My little girl with  _ her  _ little girl.”

Gianna smiled and moved to lean her head on Derek’s shoulder. Delilah stirred in her arms before settling again, soft little noises coming from her mouth. Gianna looked up at her father and said,

“I love you, Dad.”

Derek smiled and kissed her forehead. “I love you too.” 

  
  


And he did. And he always would. And now he would love his granddaughter too. Their family was changing and expanding, and Derek was ready and loving every minute. He didn’t know how much time he had left on earth, but he was going to enjoy it til the last.


	19. Meet Cute

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gianna makes a friend.

_ Gianna Morgan, age 10 _

_ Mia Morgan, age 12 _

_ Julia Morgan, age 15 _

Gianna had been curious about Devon Williams ever since his family had moved into the house a block over from the Morgan residence. She knew that he was the same age as her and would be attending the same school come fall, but for some reason, Gianna hadn’t been able to pluck up the courage to go over and introduce herself the way the other kids had. One Saturday afternoon, fate intervened as Gianna was riding her bike around the neighborhood when an orange basketball bounced into the street and a skinny boy with tight, dark curls darted out after it, straight into Gianna’s path. Gianna swerved to avoid hitting the boy and wound up crashing to the ground herself as a result. The boy tossed the ball back into his front yard and rushed over to where Gianna was, kneeling down beside her.

“Are you okay?” He asked. “I’m so sorry! I was trying to shoot a basket and it bounced off the backboard!”

“I’m fine.” Gianna muttered. “I didn’t need the top layer of my skin anyway.”

“My mom has bandaids!” The boy said hopefully. “And disinfectant spray! I’m Devon, by the way, my family just moved here a couple weeks ago.”

“I know who you are.” Gianna said. “I saw the moving trucks and saw you playing basketball when I was riding my bike past your house.”

“Oh.” Devon said. “Well, what’s your name?”

“I’m Gianna.” She said. “My friends call me Gigi. My mom’s in the FBI, but she’s retiring soon.”

Devon titled his head. “My grandad retired.” He said. “Is your mom like old or something?”

“She’s not  _ that  _ old!” Gianna snapped. “She was in charge of the FBI! They only let the same person run it for like ten years, and she started after I was born. Now I’m ten, so she’s almost done.”

“Your mom runs the FBI?” Devon asked. “Are you sure? That sounds fake.”

“It’s true!” She said. “You can look her up! Her name is Emily Prentiss. You got that, or do I need to spell it?”

“I’m not stupid.” Devon said, pulling out his phone and searching the name. “Wow, okay. Your mom runs the FBI. She’s pretty for a white lady.”

“Excuse me?” Gianna said. “I’m half white!”

“Yeah.” Devon snorted. “Tell that to the cops.”

Gianna stared at him. “Are you always this rude to people you just met?” She asked. “Or am I just lucky?”

“Hey, I’m sorry.” Devon said. “Here, let me help you get your bike out of the street and get you bandaids.”

Gianna huffed but relented, letting Devon wheel her bike into his yard, then waiting as he disappeared into his house, returning a few minutes later with a fistful of bandaids and disinfectant. Before Gianna had a chance to protest, Devon was applying the spray and the bandaids with the care of a trained medic. He looked up at her with dark brown eyes the color of coffee, his smile just as warm and inviting. Gianna felt her stomach flip. She hadn’t realized just how cute Devon was until that moment, and her cheeks heated at that realization. Devon finished and Gianna cleared her throat, looking away from the boy.

“Thanks.” She said. “I should probably get going.”

“Wait!” Devon said. “We just met! Don’t you wanna hang out or something?”

Gianna raised an eyebrow. “Why would I wanna do that?”

“It could be fun.” He said. “Do you like basketball?”

“Oh, you have  _ no  _ idea.” She grinned. “I’m the best kid in my whole school. Girls  _ and  _ boys.”

“Whoa.”

“Yeah.” She said. “I’m kind of a big deal.”

“I’m pretty good, too.” He said. “Maybe we could play one on one. See who the champion is?”

“I mean, if you wanna lose.” She said. “Sure.”

Devon grinned. “You’re on!”

The two played three rounds of one on one, tying in their second game, with Gianna coming out on top in the other two. For his part, Devon took his defeat in stride, more impressed by the girl who beat him than bitter about the losses. The way he looked at Gianna made her stomach do weird things, he stared like he found her fascinating, a living equation that he couldn’t quite figure out but was having fun trying to. He didn’t find her quips off-putting, and he gave a few good ones back. The more they hung out, the more curious Gianna became about Devon, and the more she learned, the more she found herself liking him. Soon they were talking video games and giggling over comic books like they had known each other their whole lives.

“I can’t believe I found someone else who knows what I’m talking about!” Devon said. “My brothers just call me a mega-nerd and tell me I’ll never get a date.”

“They’re dumb.” Gianna said. “Comic books are  _ cool,  _ if they want a  _ real  _ nerd, they should meet my sister. Once, she got a B on a pop quiz and  _ cried!  _ It was a B!”

“Wow, really?” Devon said. “I’d be happy with a B.”

Gianna shrugged. “She wants to get into the FBI.” She said. “Just like Mom, and she’s already super smart, but Julia wants to be  _ perfect.  _ It’s annoying sometimes.”

“What about you?” He asked. “Are you gonna be an FBI agent like your mom and sister?”

“No way!” She said. “I’m gonna be a basketball player.”

“You’d be good at it.” He said. “You weren’t kidding when you said you were a big deal, Gigi.”

Gianna’s cheeks warmed at the compliment and the familiar way he had already fallen into using her nickname. Usually that would bother her, but with Devon, it didn’t. It felt right. Gianna’s phone buzzed and she looked and saw a text from her father, asking where she had run off to and informing her that dinner was almost ready. Gianna sighed regretfully, typing a response to her father. Then she stood up, brushing the grass stains off of her shorts.

“I’ve gotta go.” She said. “My dad’s kind of old school when it comes to being late for dinner.”

“So is mine.” Devon said. “Maybe I could come over tomorrow? If you’re not busy!”

Gianna smiled. “Yeah.” She said. “Here, let’s put our numbers in each other’s phones. Do you text?”

“Yeah, but I can’t have my phone on after eleven.” He said as they swapped phones. “Ten if it’s a school night. My parents don’t want me up all night.”

“Parents.” Gianna said. “Okay, so I’ll text you tonight and we can make plans to hang out tomorrow?”

“Sounds good.” Devon said. He paused. “I’m really glad you almost ran me over today.”

“Me too.” Gianna said, surprising herself. “See you tomorrow, Devon!”

  
  


Gianna rode away, her cheeks burning. She wasn’t sure what this new feeling inside of her was, or what about Devon brought it out of her, but she didn’t mind it. She didn’t mind  _ him  _ either, and she was glad that she had made a friend. She chattered excitedly about her day over dinner, and both Julia and Mia teased her about her “new boyfriend” but Gianna didn’t care. She finally found someone outside of her family who  _ got  _ her, and whether he was a boy or not, Gianna wanted to keep him around. She wouldn’t know for a few years yet that Devon would turn out to be much more than just a friend, all she knew was that she had just met him and felt like she had known him all her life, and that was good enough for her.


	20. Conversations in the Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gianna and her boyfriend reach a new milestone.

_ Gianna Morgan, age 16 _

_ Mia Morgan, age 18 _

_ Julia Morgan, age 21 _

Gianna made it home from her date just in time for curfew. She closed the door behind her, said a few quick words to her parents before racing up the stairs, full of nervous energy, and knocked on the door to Mia’s room. Mia was inside, working on tattoo ideas in her sketchbook, clad in a tank top and pajama pants. She was still self-conscious about her scars, and home was the only place she felt comfortable exposing her bare arms. She looked up curiously from the piece she was working on, something involving musical notes, and set aside the sketchbook as she took in Gianna’s flushed, breathless expression.

“What’s with you?” Mia asked. “Did something happen on your date with Devon?”

“Did it ever!” Gianna said, looking over her shoulder nervously. “Can I come in?”

“Only if you’re gonna spill the beans.” Mia said. “Shut the door though, if you don’t want Mom and Dad to come up and hear us.”

Gianna obeyed then climbed onto the bed, putting her head in her sister’s lap. A pretty gold locket rested against her collarbone and Mia tapped it with her fingernail, one eyebrow raised.

“This is new.” She said. “Did Devon give you this?”

“Yeah.” Gianna said. “We were celebrating our official one year anniversary. He saved for months to get it.”

Gianna opened the locket and showed Mia the contents. On one side of the locket was a photo of Gianna and Devon taken not long after they met, arms around each other’s shoulders and grinning at the camera. On the other side, a more recent photo of them, where Devon had his arms around Gianna’s waist and they were forehead to forehead, ignoring the camera entirely. Mia gave a low whistle.

“Damn.” She said. “He really put out all the stops.”

“Yeah.” Gianna said, blushing. “Uh, that’s not all.”

Mia’s eyes widened. “Oh?”

“He, uh.” Gianna stammered. “He told me he loved me. For the very first time, tonight.”

“Shut up!” Mia said. “No fucking way, dude! Did you say it back to him?”

“He told me not to yet.” Gianna said. “He said something about not wanting me to say it back just because he said it. But I wanted to!”

“I knew it!” Mia said. “Tell me everything!”

“Well, he started by talking about how happy us being together has made him.” Gianna said. “Then he gave me the locket and told me to look inside, so I did. That’s when he told me that he loved me. He said he thinks he’s loved me for a really long time.”

“Of  _ course  _ he has!” Mia said, rolling her eyes. “He’s been in love with you for like forever! Oh my god, that’s still huge though, Gianna! What are you gonna do?”

“I don’t know.” Gianna shrugged. “What do you think I should do? I really  _ do  _ love him too.”

“I think you should text him tonight.” Mia said. “After Mom and Dad go to bed. Don’t give me that look! I  _ know  _ he’s been sneaking in through your window at night, no judgment, I just hope you guys are protected.”

Gianna’s cheeks heated. “We’re not-“ She said. “We haven’t slept together yet. We mostly just make out and cuddle. Sometimes other stuff happens, but we don’t really get a lot of privacy at his place. His parents are super strict! We just wanna be alone together.”

“Whatever, sis.” Mia said, rolling her eyes. “The point is, you should tell him. I mean come on, it was written on your face over a year ago! You love him!”

“I know I do.” Gianna said. “Wait a minute, so you’re  _ encouraging  _ me to break the rules and sneak my boyfriend into my room while our parents are asleep?”

“Yeah, for love!” Mia said. “You want to tell him, right?”

“Of course I do!” Gianna said. “I think I will.”

Mia grinned. “Go get em, Tiger.”

Later that night, Devon  _ did  _ sneak in through the window of Gianna’s room. She spent a rather intense make out session working up the courage to say those words, though the way Devon was touching her made it  _ very  _ difficult to concentrate on anything besides what they were doing in the moment. Finally, it happened when she was curled up next to Devon, his hand slid part way up her shirt and his fingers tracing her rib cage. Gianna’s face was buried in his neck and she was nuzzling his neck when the words came out almost of their own volition.

“I love you.”

Devon seemed to snap to attention, and he stared down at Gianna with an intensity that was new.

“Y-you do?” He asked. “You mean it?”

“I do.” Gianna said. “I love you, Devon. I think that I maybe always have.”

Devon smiled and tucked her against his chest, kissing the top of her head. Gianna listened to his heart beating in his chest and quickly decided that it was her favorite sound in the entire world.

“Gigi…” Devon said nervously. “Do you...ever think about the future? Like with us?”

“Well, sure.” Gianna said. “Do you?”

“A lot.” He admitted. “I know we’re still kids and everything, you know….but we won’t always be.”

“Well, what do you think about?” Gianna asked, snuggling into him. “Tell me.”

“You think we uh,” Devon stuttered, suddenly seeming very shy. “You think we’ll ever get married?”

“You wanna be married to me?!”

“Well, not tomorrow.” He said. “Just someday, you know? When we’re older.”

Gianna thought for a second. “Yeah.” She said. “I think maybe, when we get older.”

“Okay, good.” Devon said. “Cause I can’t imagine ever feeling like this about anyone else.”

“Me either.” She said. “In this future that you think about...do you see us having a family and stuff?”

“Gigi, come on.” He chuckled. “I’ve seen how you are around little kids, you really think I’d tell you I wanna be with you if I didn’t want that too?”

“I don’t know.” She shrugged. “I mean, we haven’t even had sex yet, so I wasn’t sure.”

Devon looked at her. “Do you, uh…” He said. “Do you  _ want  _ to have sex? I mean not...I don’t have any...but I mean, like...are you thinking you’re ready?”

“Maybe?” Gianna said. “Are you ready?”

“I- I’m not sure.” Devon said. “I mean, I  _ want  _ to, but I really like where we are right now.”

“Okay.” Gianna said, kissing his knuckles. “We don’t have to. We can wait a little bit longer.”

“We’ve got our whole lives.” He said. “Right?”

Gianna smiled. “Right.”

Devon stayed a little while longer, he laced his fingers with Gianna’s and they talked about their future, all of their hopes and dreams. It was late when he finally left, looking like he would rather just stay there next to her all night. He tilted her chin up with his fingers and kissed her tenderly, like he could do it for the rest of his life and never get tired of it.

“I love you, Gianna Morgan.” He murmured in the dark, causing her heart to skip a beat.

“I love you too.” She said. “I love you, Devon Williams.”

  
  


The next morning, Gianna was exhausted but all smiles, humming happily to herself as she ate her breakfast. Derek and Emily exchanged amused glances but didn’t comment on their daughter’s sunny mood. Mia gave her a knowing grin and a wink, and Gianna smiled back, she was walking on air. Now that the words had been spoken, it all felt real. She loved Devon, and he loved her. Maybe she should have been afraid, or at least cautious, but she had never felt more certain about anything in her life. Gianna had no doubt in her mind that that boy was her forever, and that was fine by her. She would take forever with him.


	21. Marks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julia experiences an embarrassing moment after a night of romance.

_ Julia Morgan, age 18 _

_ Mia Morgan, age 15 _

_ Gianna Morgan, age 13 _

Julia tugged at the purple turtleneck she was wearing and cleared her throat uncomfortably. Thank god it was a chilly day even for April in the district. She and David had been together for most of the evening the night before and things had gotten a bit out of hand. Now she was panicking and scrambling to find a way to hide the evidence of last night’s activities from her parents. When she walked down the stairs and into the kitchen to join her family for breakfast, trying to appear casual, both Mia and Gianna eyed her with suspicion.

“What are you wearing?” Gianna asked.

“It’s called a turtleneck.” Julia said. “Like a sweater?”

“I know  _ that! _ ” Gianna said, rolling her eyes. “But why are  _ you  _ wearing it?”

Julia paused. “Because I want to?”

“You  _ hate  _ turtlenecks.” Mia said. “You said they make you feel like you’re being choked.”

Julia shrugged. “It’s cold outside.” 

“It’s not  _ that  _ cold.” Gianna said. “You could’ve worn other stuff you like better instead.”

“I like the color.” Julia said. “And what is it to you guys anyway? Maybe I’ve changed my mind about turtlenecks since the last time I wore one.”

“You  _ are _ being  _ awfully  _ defensive, Jujubug.” Derek broke in, setting a plate stacked high with pancakes on the table. “Something you wanna share with us?”

“No, Daddy.” Julia said, avoiding his eye. 

Emily squinted at her daughter over the top of a mug of coffee, examining her. Julia hated when her mother did that, falling back on her profiling skills. Julia wondered if she did it on purpose or if it was just instinctual at this point, and she wondered if she would one day do it to her own children. Julia didn’t have time to wonder long though, as Emily set down her coffee and walked over to her, tugging the turtleneck down just enough to expose the harsh purple marks on Julia’s skin.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Emily said. “A word to the wise, honey, if you’re gonna try to get away with being covered in hickies, don’t use tricks your mother perfected.”

“Oh my god.” Mia laughed. “Hickies?”

Derek looked incredulous and more than a little uncomfortable. “Seriously, Julia?” 

“Come on, guys.” Julia said, her face flushing. “This isn’t funny! I have to go to school like this!”

“Maybe you should have thought of  _ that  _ before you let David go all Hoover on your neck.” Gianna giggled, stopping abruptly when Derek shot her a look. “Sorry, Dad. I know, be appropriate.”

“It wasn’t supposed to happen!” Julia said. “Look, can we  _ please  _ not talk about this right now? It’s embarrassing enough as it is.”

“Oh, we’ll talk later.” Derek said. “Me and Mr. David Salinas will be having quite a talk.”

“Dad…”

“Uh-Uh!” He said. “Don’t you ‘dad’ me! You’re eighteen and what you do with your boyfriend is your business, but when I have to look at the evidence of it on your neck, Julia, I’m not gonna be too happy about it!”

“Alright, enough.” Emily said. “Hurry up and eat your breakfast, Julia. I’ve still got a couple of tricks that’ll work a lot better than a turtleneck.”

Immediately after breakfast, Julia found herself sitting on a stool in the bathroom while her mother blended and began to apply careful layers of makeup to her neck and, after she saw how far the marks extended once Julia removed the turtleneck, her chest and collarbone too. Emily sighed as she set to work trying to help Julia conceal the marks.

“I’m guessing you had fun?” Emily said with a raised eyebrow. “At least I hope so given the circumstances.”

“We got carried away.” Julia said. “You know how you told me you’ve gotta find what works? Well we’ve been trying to do that, with mixed results.”

Emily looked at her. “Do I  _ want  _ to know?”

“Mom! Okay.” Julia said, clasping her hands. “This is super embarrassing but since David and I started, you know,  _ doing it,  _ we’ve been having trouble figuring out something that works for  _ both  _ of us.”

“Wh- and this was just another experiment?” Emily asked incredulously. “Julia, don’t get me wrong, your body is  _ your  _ body, but bursting blood vessels under your skin for pleasure isn’t the safest  _ or  _ the smartest idea, my dear.”

“Come on, Mom.” Julia sighed. “Are you seriously saying that  _ you _ never did anything freaky?”

“I’m not sure I wanna answer that.” Emily said. “Or that I like what you’re implying.”

“Well, it worked.” Julia mumbled. “We just didn’t account for placement.”

“I’ll say.” Emily said. “I’m not sure if I should be surprised that my most careful child let that happen or relieved that you finally displayed some questionable teenage judgment for once in your life.”

“Mama!”

“You’re young!” Emily laughed. “You’re entitled to a few ill-advised decisions.”

“Yeah yeah.” Julia said. “Hey Mom? Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure, baby.” Emily said. “What’s up?”

“How did you  _ know  _ with Dad?” Julia asked. “How did you know that he was the one?”

“It’s hard to explain.” Emily said. “I don’t know that there was one moment where I suddenly  _ knew,  _ it was more of a slowly rising level of happiness.”

“Come on.” Julia said. “You must have had  _ some  _ idea of when you knew you were gonna spend the rest of your life with Dad.”

“Okay.” Emily said. “There was  _ one  _ moment, a few months in, your daddy was visiting me in London and I woke up to the smell of coffee in my flat. It was  _ late  _ in the morning and instead of waking me, your dad just let me sleep and started making chocolate chip pancakes, bacon, and eggs. And when I got out there, he just looked at me and his eyes lit up, he smiled and he said ‘morning, sleeping beauty’ and just handed me a cup of coffee. It was so small, but I just remember thinking that I could wake up next to him every single day and be the happiest woman in the world.”

“Wow.” Julia breathed. “I can’t imagine ever feeling that way about someone. Is that bad?”

“Sweetie, no.” Emily said, brushing stray curls and baby hairs from Julia’s face. “You’re eighteen, you have your whole life ahead of you. You do  _ not  _ have to have it all figured out right now.”

“I know.” Julia said. “I guess I just always kind of hoped that it would be that easy.”

“Listen to me.” Emily said. “Do you  _ like  _ being with David? Does he make you happy? Do you like when you two spend time together?”

“Yeah.” Julia said. “Yeah, I like him a  _ lot.  _ I just don’t know if it’s  _ love,  _ you know?”

“You don’t have to.” Emily said. “All you need to focus on is how he makes you feel right now, if you like him and you wanna keep him around, you don’t need to get caught up in whether or not he’s the great love of your life. Just enjoy what the two of you have right now.”

“I guess you’re right.” Julia laughed. “I guess it’s a little silly to be so worried about that stuff when I haven’t even graduated  _ high school  _ yet.”

“I’ll say.” Emily said. “You’re a smart girl, Jujubug, but you could lighten up a little every once in a while.”

“Now you sound like Mia.” Julia said. “Sometimes I think  _ she’s  _ your twin and I was supposed to be Uncle Spencer’s kid and got lost in the mail.”

Emily chuckled. “You should tell him that.” She said. “I think Uncle Spence would get a kick out of that one.”

“Maybe.” Julia said. “Thanks for helping me, Mom. And for talking with me and not judging me.”

“Oh, you  _ never  _ have to worry there, my love.” Emily said, pecking her daughter on the cheek. “You’re my firstborn baby, there is  _ nothing _ you could do that would  _ ever  _ make me love you any less.”

Julia smiled, beaming like the sun. “I love you too, Mom.”

“But uh, Julia?” Emily said.

“Yeah Mom?”

“Next time, try to avoid the neck.” Emily said. “It’s easier to put them places where no one can see and can feel just as good, and you save yourself some extra work. And embarrassment.”

“Okay.” Julia sighed. Then, as if remembering something, she turned back to look at her mom. “Wait a minute. How do  _ you  _ know all of this?”

“Oh honey.” Emily said. “You do  _ not  _ wanna know.”

Julia rolled her eyes, but grinned as she kissed her mother on the cheek. What had started out as an embarrassing morning had quickly turned into one of the heart to hearts she had grown to cherish when it came to her mother. Not all teenage girls could boast that their mother was their best friend, but Julia had felt that way her entire life, and she expected that she always would. That morning and the care Emily had taken in helping her daughter was yet another one of the constant reminders to Julia that her mother would always have her back, no matter what.

  
  



	22. Unspeakable Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julia finds herself in a scary situation and Mia comes to the rescue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: Domestic violence/intimate partner violence, physical abuse, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, rape and sexual violence.

_ Julia Morgan, age 23 _

_ Mia Morgan, age 20 _

_ Gianna Morgan, age 18 _

  
  


At first, Sam had seemed like the perfect guy. He was polite, funny, charming in a way that her high school boyfriend David had never been, and he was much more put-together than any of the guys she had dated as an undergrad. From the start, he was holding open doors and pulling out chairs for her, bringing her flowers, he was a gentleman and Julia had never known anything but love. She never saw the real him coming until it was already too late and she was in deep, like so many other young women.

It had started with the little disparaging remarks, the kind that bothered Julia but when she would voice that to Sam, he would laugh and say he was only joking, or he didn’t mean it to be mean. Then he started getting angry and told her she was being too sensitive and so Julia stopped mentioning it at all. They spent all their time together, which had seemed pretty normal in the beginning for a new relationship, but Sam soon became needy and demanding, growing jealous whenever Julia spent time with anyone else and accusing her of seeing other guys. The first time he got physical with her, they were arguing and Julia tried to move past him towards the door, and Sam had grabbed her and slammed her against the wall. 

She tried to leave after that. Multiple times. Julia would go crash at a friend’s place for days, weeks even, but Sam would always find her and beg her forgiveness, crying and swearing that he would do better, and Julia had never been one to hold a grudge. Every time, she would give Sam another chance and he would be sweet for a little while, then fall back into his old ways. The violence escalated little by little, though Sam was normally careful not to leave marks where anyone could see. One night, though, everything came to a halt when they got into their biggest fight yet and Julia had attempted to break up with Sam for real. He went ballistic, not caring where he hurt her or how badly, to the point that Julia had to use some of the hand-to-hand techniques that her father had shown her just to get away from Sam. She fumbled with her keys and ran to her car, driving a few blocks before pulling over and dialing the one person she knew she could trust to help her.

“Juju?” Mia said sleepily. “It’s like midnight, what’s going on? Are you okay?”

“Can I stay with you?” Julia asked. “Just for tonight. I’m sorry, I know you have roommates but I don’t have anywhere else to go and I can’t face Mom and Dad right now. Mia, please!”

“Yeah, yeah, fine!” Mia said, sounding much more awake. “But what happened? I thought you were living with that boyfriend of yours, Sam?”

“We got into a fight.” Julia gulped. “I tried to leave and…Mia, he hurt me! I can’t go back!”

“Oh  _ hell  _ no!” Mia said. “Did he hit you?”

“You’ll see in a minute.” Julia said. “Don’t tell Mom and Dad! Not yet! Not tonight.”

“Okay, okay.” Mia said. “Just get your ass over here before he decides to come looking for you.” 

“Okay.” Julia said. “I’ll see you in a few.”

Luckily for Julia, Mia was going to school not far from where Julia was, and she was sharing an apartment with a few friends she had met freshman year. Julia parked and took the steps to the apartment two at a time, wincing at the pain but wanting to get indoors as soon as possible. When she knocked on the door and Mia answered, the shock on her little sister’s face as she took in the bruises blooming on Julia’s face, her split lip, and the awkward way she was holding her left arm. Tears sprang to Julia’s eyes and something in Mia seemed to snap, her expression went dark.

“I’m gonna fucking kill him.”

“Mia, no!” Julia said. “Just let me in, please!”

“Jules, your arm is broken!” Mia said. “You need to go to the hospital! How did you even manage to  _ drive  _ like this? What did he  _ do  _ to you?!”

“We were fighting.” Julia said as Mia grabbed her coat and keys, muttering an apology to one of her roommates who was playing video games on their worn down couch. “I’d finally had enough and I told him it was over for good and he went crazy! I thought he was gonna kill me, Mia, I was so scared!”

“We need to go to the police.” Mia said. “Jules, how long has this been going on?”

“It was never this bad.” Julia said. “He has a temper, but he’s never hurt me this bad before.”

“Julia, this isn’t right!” Mia said, supporting her as best as she could as they went back down the stairs. “A guy who hurts you  _ at all  _ doesn’t just have a temper!”

“I thought I could handle it.” Julia said. “He could be so sweet, Mia! I mean, I knew he had problems, but he always seemed so sorry after, I tried getting him to see someone to help with his anger.”

“Did he go?”

“A couple times.” She said. “Then he stopped, said the guy was a quack who didn’t know what he was talking about. I tried to get him to find someone else, but…”

“You know I love you, right?” Mia said. “And this isn’t your fault even a little bit, but Julia, you can  _ not  _ keep making excuses for this guy. He  _ hurt  _ you!”

“I know, I know!” Julia said. “God, I feel so stupid! How could I let this keep happening?”

“Because you’re a good person with a good heart who trusts people.” Mia said firmly. “Sam saw that and took advantage of it, I’m guessing he didn’t just start beating you one day. He’s probably been working up to this since the day you guys started dating, that’s what guys like him do. They wait til they have you in a corner and  _ that’s  _ when they strike.”

“Sounds like  _ you’re  _ the one who should be going to school to become a profiler.” Julia muttered. “I couldn’t even see Sam for what he was before it was too late.”

“Because you weren’t looking.” Mia said. “You shouldn’t have had to. Come on, let’s get you to the hospital, you’re in pretty rough shape.”

The hospital was a short drive, and it felt as if no sooner had they taken Julia back to be examined than a kindly older policewoman showed up, asking Julia what happened and did she want to press charges. It was overwhelming and it didn’t help matters that Emily and Derek showed up, seemingly out of nowhere, just as they finished taking photos of Julia’s numerous injuries, including all of the older bruises and welts along her sides and abdomen. Julia avoided their eyes as she pulled her shirt down with her one good arm.

“What happened?” Emily asked. “Baby, what happened to you? What happened to your arm?”

“What are you guys doing here?” Julia asked. She looked at Mia, who shrugged.

“We’re your emergency contacts.” Derek said. “The hospital called us and said you had been hurt pretty badly, they couldn’t tell us what happened.”

“Oh.” Julia said, still not looking at her parents.

“Julia, what happened?” Derek asked. “What’s wrong?”

“Where did you get these bruises?” Emily said, touching her face. “Jules, I don’t understand…?”

“Okay, everybody stop!” Mia said loudly. “Mom, Dad, I know you’re worried, but you need to let her breathe.”

“Mia, what is it?” Derek said. “What are you even doing here? Was your sister with you when this happened?”

Mia looked at Julia. “Do you want me to tell them?”

Julia nodded. “I don’t think I can.” She whispered. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t worry.” Mia said, touching her shoulder. “You’ve always taken care of me. My turn.”

Mia took a deep breath and turned to her parents, looking them dead in the eye with an expression that seemed older than her twenty years. In that moment, she managed to look like both her mother and her father in miniature, a pillar of strength that she wasn’t accustomed to being. But for Julia, she would be.

“Sam did this.” She said. “Her boyfriend.”

“He did this?” Derek said, his voice rising. “Julia, he did this to you?”

Julia nodded, her face crumpling as tears started falling down her face. Emily rushed to her and folded her eldest daughter in her arms. Julia burrowed into her mother and her whole body seemed to shake with sobs. Emily kissed her, stroked her hair.

“I’ve got you.” Emily said softly, fighting the tears in her own eyes. “I’ve got you, baby. It’s over. It’s over now.”

“Mommy, he hurt me.” Julia said. “He promised he’d stop and he kept hurting me.”

“I know, baby.” Emily said. “I know he did. But it’s all over now. He’s not gonna hurt you anymore. We’re not gonna let him, okay? I’m not gonna let him.”

“I thought he loved me.” Julia said. “I don’t understand! I don’t understand, Mom!”

“I don’t either.” Emily said, voice hoarse. “I don’t understand how anyone could hurt someone as sweet and as smart and as beautiful as you.”

“What else did he do?” Derek asked. “Baby, I know you don’t want to, but we need to know how bad this is.”

“Sometimes he would just be mean.” Julia said. “Say mean things, pretend he was joking. He didn’t like me hanging out with friends, and when I would wear anything kind of nice, he’d tell me I was dressed like a slut and say I was cheating on him. I never cheated!”

“I know you didn’t.” Derek said. “And this? The physical stuff? When did that start happening?”

“It was only when we’d fight.” Julia said. “He would just get so  _ mad.  _ Or, I guess sometimes he would get a little too rough in bed. He liked to choke me. Sometimes I would pass out and I’d wake up to him crying and apologizing and promising he’d never do it again.”

Derek closed his eyes. “Did he ever force you?” He asked. “Or make you feel guilty when you didn’t want to do anything with him?”

“Most of the time I’d just let him.” Julia said. “One time I didn’t and he got really mad, he slapped me so I just laid there and let him do it.”

“Oh my god.” Derek muttered. “Have you talked to the police? This guy is  _ not  _ gonna get away with hurting my little girl. He belongs in a cell!”

“Dad, no!” Julia cried. “Please no! If he gets out that’s just gonna make things worse!”

“And what makes you think he won’t try to come after you anyway?” Derek said. “Julia, your mom and I know what guys like that can do!”

“I think what your father is trying to say,” Emily said. “Is that no one can make you press charges, Julia, but there’s no guarantee that Sam is gonna stop even if you don’t. We’re gonna do whatever we can to keep you safe, but sweetie, he is  _ dangerous. _ ”

“I know that!” Julia said. “Why do you think I’m so scared, Mom? He did this to me and he’s never gonna stop! Every time I tried to leave, he’d find me!”

“You can stay with us.” Emily said. “One of us will always try to be with you when you’re home.”

“I still have class.” Julia said. “We go to the same school! You can’t protect me every second of the day!”

“We can sure as hell try.” Derek said. “Julia, I swear if it’s the last thing I do, this guy is  _ not  _ coming near you again. I don’t care if I have to go to class with you.”

“Dad.” Julia sighed. “Come on.”

“You deserve to feel safe where you go to school, Julia.” Derek said. “Besides, it’s been a long time since I’ve been to college. I might learn something new.”

“I have to go get my stuff.” Julia said. “I was just trying to get out of there, I don’t have anything.”

“We’ll go in the morning.” Derek said. “They still need to put a cast on that arm, and I am  _ not  _ letting you go alone in case he tries to finish the job.”

“I’m going too.” Mia said.

Emily looked up. “Absolutely not!”

“I got her here, didn’t I?” Mia said. “She’s my sister and she’s hurt. I’m going. You can’t stop me.”

Emily and Derek exchanged a look. Neither of them wanted Mia there for a possible confrontation with Sam, but they knew her, knew that she was liable to show up anyway and probably raise hell. Emily bit her bottom lip and sighed.

“You stay with your dad the whole time.” She said. “Both of you, and I’m gonna call Uncle Will to see if he can go with you guys as backup.”

“Mom, please don’t.” Julia said.

“Would you rather I call Aunt JJ?” Emily asked. “Cause she might kill this guy.”

Julia shook her head. Emily’s face softened and she kissed her daughter on the top of her head.

“It’s okay.” She said. “It’s all gonna be okay.”

The next morning, Derek, Mia, and Will went with Julia back to the apartment she had been staying at with Sam to get clothes, schoolbooks, and anything else she needed right away. Julia still hadn’t decided on pressing charges yet, but it was clear that whatever had held her back before, she was finally done. When she opened the door, Sam was waiting for her. Derek took in the defensive wounds on the young man and bitterly thought  _ Good. My baby fought back. _ When Sam saw her, he hopped off the couch.

“Julia, I am  _ so  _ sorry!” He said. “I- I lost control! But I swear to you, it’ll  _ never  _ happen again!”

“You’re right, it won’t.” Julia said. “I’m just here to get some stuff. We’re done, Sam. For real this time.”

“You can’t do that!” Sam said. “We just got this lease! I can’t afford this place on my own.”

“Stand back.” Will said coldly as Sam tried to reach for her. “After what you’ve done, I don’t much like the idea of you touching her.”

“Who the hell are you, man?” Sam asked.

“Detective LaMontagne.” Will replied. “Here as a personal favor to Julia and her parents, but that can change as soon as Julia gives me the word.”

“Julia, are you serious?” Sam said. “It was one time!”

“No, it wasn’t!” Julia said. “You hurt me all the time!”

“She told us everything, Sam.” Derek said. “Everything you ever did to my baby. Now I suggest that you step aside and let her get what she needs.”

“She’s a liar!” Sam said. “She lies all the time!”

“No, she’s not.” Derek said.

Sam pointed at Julia. “You think I don’t know.” He said, sneering. “But I know you. You go out and you screw every guy on campus behind my back!”

That was enough for Mia, who hadn’t said anything or even acknowledged Sam up until that moment. Fueled by anger, she wound up and punched him in the face. Before Sam had a chance to react, Mia grabbed him by the throat and shoved him against the wall. It would have been comical, given how much smaller Mia was than Sam, if the situation had been any different.

“Is  _ this  _ what you did to her?” Mia hissed. “Huh? You like to choke girls? Choke ‘em til they pass out? Is that what you did to my sister?”

“I- I didn’t!” Sam said, straining against Mia. Mia shoved her knee against his crotch.

“Oh, I know you did.” She said. “I know all about guys like you. You like hitting girls, it makes you feel powerful because it’s the only power a piece of shit like you has. But you picked the wrong girl this time.”

“Mia, don’t!” Julia said.

“You see her?!” Mia shouted. “She is loved! She has a whole family of FBI agents who love her and want to protect her. Not so smart to beat on a girl like that, is it Sam? Huh?”

Sam shook his head to the best of his ability. Mia tightened the grip she had on his throat.

“If you  _ ever  _ come near my sister again.” She said. “I will kill you myself. My parents used to hunt serial killers, the worst ones. George Foyet, Everett Lynch, Peter Lewis. I know all about them. I can make what they did look like amateur hour, and you know what, Sam? I’m gonna enjoy every minute.”

“Alright, come on now.” Will said, pulling Mia gently off of Sam. “That’s enough, sweetheart.”

Mia finally stepped back, blinking away the fog of rage that had come over her. Sam rubbed his neck, staring at the small young woman who had managed to put the fear of god into him.

“Sit down.” Derek barked. “On the couch.”

“Th-that’s assault, you know.” Sam said even as he obeyed. “I could have you arrested, you know.”

“You could.” Mia said. “But considering that my sister still has plenty of time to press charges against  _ you  _ and there’s already a report and plenty of evidence to have you arrested, I’d think real hard about that.”

Sam spluttered then fell silent, scowling down at his shoes. Will touched Julia on the arm. 

“Go pack your things, darlin’.” He said. “Your daddy and I will keep an eye on him. Mia, help your sister.”

Mia obeyed, following Julia out of the room. They both grabbed bags and began stuffing things inside them in silence, Julia struggling with her arm in a cast. Now that the moment was over, Mia felt ashamed of the way she had acted. Not because of Sam, who she felt deserved all of that and more, but because it had visibly scared Julia. The apprehension was still in her eyes. Mia cleared her throat.

“I didn’t mean it.” She said. “That stuff I said. I could never kill anyone. I just couldn’t take it anymore.”

“I know.” Julia said. “I’ve just never seen you like that, Mia. It’s like you turned into someone else.”

“I just got so angry.” Mia said. “You’re like my best friend, Juju, and he could’ve killed you.”

“Yeah, but he’s not worth it.” Julia said. “I don’t want you getting into trouble because of me.”

“Not you, him.” Mia said. “Never you.”

“I love you, Mimi.” Julia said. “I hope you know that.”

“I do.” Mia smiled. “I love you too, Juju. More than anything. We all do.”

  
  


Julia decided in the end not to press charges, after the ordeal she had been through, she just wanted to move on with her life. Sam took Mia’s warnings to heart and he never bothered Julia again, mysteriously transferring to another school at the end of the semester, and though Mia got a severe talking to from her parents and Will, all of them understood where she had been coming from. Julia would need counseling, and the road towards healing would be a long one, but her sister had been right, Julia was loved, intensely and desperately. She had a whole support system behind her that would be there for every nightmare, every flashback. They would pick her up when she fell and help her get going again. Her journey was far from over, but she didn’t have to do it alone, and that was what mattered most to her.


	23. Taking Chances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julia reconnects with an old friend.

_ Julia Morgan, age 30 _

_ Mia Morgan, age 27 _

_ Gianna Morgan, age 25 _

She hadn’t seen him in years. Julia and Michael had been best buddies growing up, a happy coincidence of their mothers being so close and them being so close in age. But over the years, between college and grad school, then Julia traveling all over as an FBI agent, they had kind of lost touch.

Plus there was the small matter of what happened when Julia was home for spring break her final year of graduate school. That thing they never talked about and that Julia tried not to think about.

Probably for the best.

After she joined the BAU, Julia was back in the district full time, and her parents  _ insisted  _ on throwing a welcome back barbecue, inviting all of her old friends and getting the old team together, which meant that JJ and Will, as well as Henry and his husband and kids, and of course, Michael. Julia found herself more nervous than she thought she would be, seeing Michael again. Just as she had followed in her mother’s footsteps, Michael had followed in Will’s, joining DC Metro and making detective after years of hard work.

He hadn’t changed much, besides the fact that his once gangly, awkward teenage frame had now filled out and he had gained some muscle mass. He still had that blonde hair and blue eyes, just like JJ, and the charming smile he had inherited from his dad. When everyone was mingling in Derek and Emily’s backyard, Julia found her eyes wandering to Michael time and time again, her mind going back to that final night of spring break. She blinked and found that he was staring back at her, and Julia looked away, blushing furiously. She mumbled an excuse to Tara and Matt and went inside to catch her breath. Julia closed her eyes. Moments later, she heard the back door slide open and footsteps approaching, Julia pasted a smile on her face and turned around to see Michael LaMontagne looking at her curiously.

“Hey Jules.” He said. “Great party. Your mom and dad really know how to entertain.”

Julia laughed. “Well, someone had to carry on the tradition.” She said. “Uncle Dave would probably come back to haunt everyone if they didn’t.”

“Yeah.” Michael said. “How you been? It’s been like, god, what? Five years?”

“Something like that.” Julia said. “I’m good. You know, the BAU is crazy but it’s good, I like it.”

“That’s good.” Michael said. “I know it was always your dream to be a part of that, I’m glad you finally got it.”

“Thank you.” She said. “What about you, huh? Detective, just like your dad. Pretty impressive.”

Michael grinned. “I don’t know about all that.”

“Oh come on.” Julia said. “I’m proud of you. You should be too, you worked hard for it.”

“Well, I’m glad.” He said. “Seems like we both got what we wanted out of life.”

“Yeah.” She said. “Seems like it.”

An awkward silence fell between them and try as she might, Julia couldn’t stop staring at him. Unbidden, her mind took her back to that night a little over five years ago, the way they had spoken to one another in hushed tones, how their hands had fumbled at each other’s clothes, the way his mouth had felt against hers, how it had felt to be pressed up against him, all sweat and heavy breathing. Then the confusion and awkwardness after, something like shame. Julia felt her cheeks heat at the memory and she shook her head in an attempt to clear it. Michael cleared his throat.

“Hey, uh.” He said awkwardly. “What- what happened to us, anyway? We were always so close and then suddenly it was like we weren’t anymore.”

Julia shrugged. “We grew up.” She said. “We grew apart, it happens Michael.”

“I know.” He said. “I just never thought that it would happen with you and me. You were my friend.”

“We still  _ are  _ friends.” She said. “We’re just not as close as we used to be.”

“Are we, though?” Michael asked. “I mean, after we- that night we had together...I mean, I figured maybe things would be weird for a while but you stopped answering your texts, emails stopped, you  _ never  _ picked up the phone, you just disappeared on me.”

“That night was a mistake.” Julia said. “It shouldn’t have happened and I’m sorry, I had a hard time dealing with what happened between us.”

“What happened-?” He exclaimed. “Julia, we  _ slept  _ together, we didn’t commit a crime! We were young, our emotions were running high. You know, I felt weird about what happened too, but maybe if you had talked to me instead of ignoring me, we could’ve figured it out.”

“I couldn’t.” She said. “I can’t. I’m sorry.”

Julia tried to move past him, but Michael stepped in front of her. She tensed up.

“Don’t  _ do  _ that.” She snapped. “Don’t block me like that, you  _ know  _ how that makes me feel!”

“I’m sorry, but we need to talk about this.” Michael said calmly. “Is that it, though? Is it because of that asshole Sam? The one who hurt you?”

“No!” Julia said. “Not the way you think!”

“Then explain it to me.” He said. “Please! I miss you and you disappeared on me and I want to understand  _ why  _ you disappeared on me.”

“I couldn’t handle it!” Julia said. “After Sam, I didn’t  _ date,  _ okay? For a  _ long  _ time. Then there was you, and you were so sweet and we had drank one beer too many and you kissed me, and it felt...I don’t know. And then after, I was lying in your arms and I realized that that was the safest I had felt with anyone in a long time, and it scared me.”

Michael blinked. “Oh.”

“Yeah.” Julia said, wiping her eyes. She straightened up, squaring her shoulders and turned to walk away.

“I had the hugest crush on you all through high school.”

Julia stopped, turning slowly back around to face Michael, her eyes wide.

“You did?” She asked. “You had a crush on me?”

“Yeah, I did.” He said. “I was too much of a chicken to ever say anything, then you started dating David Salinas and it just didn’t seem right, you know?”

“You should have.” Julia said. “I liked you for the  _ longest  _ time, I just didn’t wanna ruin our friendship.”

Michael chuckled sadly. “Guess we threw  _ that  _ out the window, huh?”

“Michael, no.” Julia sighed. “That was my fault, I should have  _ talked  _ to you, told you how I was feeling.”

“Well,” He said, taking her hand. “How do you feel now, Jules? With five years of distance?”

“I don’t know.” She said. “I thought I would be fine seeing you again, but it just reminds me of what we had and how you made me feel and the fact that we don’t have that anymore.”

“We could.” He said. “You’re still the Julia who would boss me around when we played house, and who fought bullies at school even though you were younger and smaller than all of us.”

“Yeah.” She chuckled. “I was a pain.”

“You’re protective.” He said. “It’s one of the things I like most about you. I always have. I still do.”

“What are we doing, Michael?” Julia said. “We can’t- I haven’t even seen you in years. And now all of these  _ feelings  _ are flooding back and I- I don’t know what to do about it. What do we do?”

“Do you still feel that way?” He asked, stroking her cheek. “Cause I’d be lying if I said I didn’t.”

Julia nodded, looking away from him.

“Then let’s try it.” Michael said. “Why not? We have no reason not to, and if it doesn’t work out, no hard feelings, we’ll just be friends.”

“You really think we could pull it off?” Julia asked, looking up at him. “This? Us?”

“It’s worth a shot.” He said. “Julia, if we have a chance at being happy, why not go for it?”

She bit her lip and nodded. “I should be free Friday.”

“Yeah?” He said. “We could go to that old fifties diner you used to love. They’re still open.”

“I’d like that.” She said. “I’d like it a lot.”

Michael smiled. “Okay.”

“Okay.” Julia said, smiling back. There was a beat of silence between them and Julia found herself inching closer to Michael. He leaned in too.

“Julia.” He said. “Is it okay if I kiss you now?”

“I think you’d better.” She said. “Or I might.”

“Okay.” He said.

“Okay.”

The kiss was soft and sweet, wholly unlike the hot desperation of the ones the two had shared five years before. Something within Julia seemed to bloom as their lips met, and suddenly she felt like she had truly come home. Someone cleared their throat and they sprung apart, embarrassed at having been caught. Will leaned against the door, a smirk on his face.

“Hi Uncle Will.” Julia said, cheeks burning.

“Hey there, darlin’.” He said. “Michael, glad to see you guys catching up after so long.”

“Dad, I-“ Michael stammered, turning red. “It’s not- we were just-“

“Oh don’t mind me.” Will said. “I was just grabbing some more paper plates for the hot dogs.”

“Right.” Julia said, letting him past. She turned back to Michael. “So Friday? You wanna meet me at seven?”

“Seven is good.” Michael said. “I like seven.”

“Okay.” Julia smiled. “Good.”

Will shook his head and disappeared out into the backyard, where Derek was busy grilling. Emily and JJ were talking beside him, sipping glasses of wine. Will grinned as he set the paper plates down.

“Just a heads up.” He said. “If what I just saw in the kitchen is any sign, we might be spending Christmas and Thanksgiving together.”

“What?” Emily asked. “Julia and Michael-?”

“Making out like teenagers.” Will confirmed. “I caught ‘em red-handed. It was kind of funny.”

“Well, it’s about time those two got together.” Derek said, flipping a burger.

“Right?” Emily said. “I thought they’d  _ never  _ admit they had feelings for each other.”

“It’s been obvious since the ninth grade.” Will said.

“Yeah.” JJ added. “And what, it's been, like five years since their little tryst they think we don’t know about?”

Derek chuckled. “Something like that.”

The group of parents watched as Julia and Michael rejoined the gathering outside, exchanging a look before going their separate ways. They had no way of knowing if anything would come of the twos coupling, if it would fizzle out or grow into something more, but they had hope. Julia and Michael had finally found each other in a way that most of their friends and family had been hoping they would for many years, and the future seemed bright in the dawn of their budding relationship.


	24. Loathing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mia has problems with a colleague, but it’s not what she thinks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: brief mentions of rape, eating disorders, self-harm, PTSD, and depression

_ Mia Morgan, age 25 _

_ Gianna Morgan, age 23 _

_ Julia Morgan, age 28 _

Amy Fine was on Mia’s last goddamn nerve.

For starters, her full first name was Amelia, which Mia found horribly pretentious. She was, similarly, a young educator at Yale, not a full professor yet, but well on her way to becoming one. She taught Jewish and Holocaust Studies and at twenty-nine was regarded as something of an academic rockstar, she was good and she knew it, and that set Mia’s teeth on edge. The woman  _ oozed  _ confidence, she was barely five feet tall, shorter than even Mia, yet Amy walked around like she was fifty feet tall. She spoke not only English and Spanish, but she was  _ also  _ fluent in German, Hebrew, Yiddish, and Ladino, something that would have impressed even Emily. Amy Fine was all curves and curls, not letting academia get in the way of her fashion sense, she was funny and charming as hell.

Mia Morgan couldn’t fucking  _ stand  _ her.

It all started when the school had decided that they wanted to do a six week collaborative seminar on intercultural and women’s theater and then decided that Mia and Amy should lead the first, third, and last week together. They fought the entire time, or rather Mia fought and Amy just smirked and made sarcastic comments, using the phrase “Whatever you say, Morgan.” liberally the entire time. Mia wanted nothing more than to punch the smug smile off of Amy’s face. After that, it seemed like Mia saw Amy everywhere she went, it was impossible to get rid of the woman, and Mia wondered briefly if Amy Fine actually thought that they were  _ friends,  _ or if she was purposely trying to annoy her. She ran into her at the grocery store, her favorite cafe, even the goddamn  _ therapists  _ office, it was ridiculous. The final straw was when, a week  _ after  _ the run-in at the therapists office, Amy cornered Mia in the faculty lounge, plunking her carefully organized lunch down on the table where Mia was sipping coffee and  _ trying  _ to read a book.

“So.” Amy said. “What’s  _ your  _ tragic backstory?”

Mia blinked. “Excuse me?”

“Come on.” Amy said, rolling her eyes. “I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours. We share a shrink, after all.”

“This is a joke.” Mia said. “This is all a sick joke. You think this is funny for some bizarre reason.”

“God, you need to lighten up.” Amy said. “Everyone always told me that you were so much fun, now I’m starting to question their definition of the word fun.”

“Therapy is not a joke!” Mia said. “Although at least I now know you’re not  _ stalking  _ me! For a while there, I wasn’t too sure about that.”

“Oh, I’m  _ totally  _ stalking you.” Amy said with a mischievous grin. “Having the same therapist was just a happy little coincidence.”

“Have I given you the wrong impression?” Mia asked, growing angry. “Did I do something unintentionally to make you think that we were friends?”

“Oh no, you’ve been a dick to me.” Amy said. “I just find it funny that I make you so mad by just existing.”

“Forget it.” Mia said. “I’ll finish this in my office.”

“Wait, come on!” Amy said, getting up to follow her, her dark curls bouncing against her shoulders. “Here, as a show of good faith, I’ll tell you mine up front. I have PTSD and a mean perfectionist streak. I developed an eating disorder in high school after the shitty, second-string quarterback raped me after a bonfire the week of homecoming. I’ve been in recovery for years and Dr. Ahmensen helps me keep it that way.”

“You were a cheerleader?” Mia said. “God, that does  _ not  _ surprise me at all.”

“I shared something personal with you.” Amy said. “I opened up, this is the part where you do the same thing and we bond over how fucked up we are.”

Mia sighed. “If I tell you, will you leave me alone?”

“If that’s really what you want.” Amy said. “Though I would  _ much  _ rather stick around instead.”

“I went through a hard time in high school.” Mia said quickly. “I was struggling with my sexuality, my older sister who is my best friend was getting close to going away to college, and everything in my life was confusing and out of control. So I started cutting myself, off and on until my parents found out. They were incredibly supportive and got me every kind of help they thought I might need, and I haven’t relapsed in a long time, but I’ve found that I do better more often when I’m in therapy, just like you said.”

“Wow.” Amy said. “That’s actually incredibly heartwarming. And your parents? They’re cool with you being gay and all that?”

“Oh, yeah.” Mia said. “That part was never an issue, I was just confused and sad and I didn’t like myself very much back then. God,  _ why  _ am I telling you all this? Why do  _ you  _ even care? We  _ despise  _ each other!”

“I don’t despise you at all.” Amy said. “Where did you get an idea like  _ that? _ ”

“You bossed me around the entire seminar.” Mia said, shrugging. “Or you tried to. And since then you will  _ not  _ leave me alone! It’s like you’re purposely trying to annoy me or drive me insane!”

“Okay.” Amy said. “I admit that I can get a little intense when I’m excited about something. But I was just passionate about it and I kind of stepped on your toes without meaning to, I’m sorry.”

“You’re sarcastic.” Mia said. “Sometimes I can’t even tell if you’re joking or not because you’re  _ so  _ deadpan.”

Amy shrugged. “I can’t help my sense of humor.”

“You treated me like some kid that didn’t know what she was talking about.” Mia said. “Even though I’m not even  _ that  _ much younger than you, and then when I proved myself, you started showing up everywhere.”

“I never doubted you.” Amy said. “I actually think you’re kind of a badass, I was just trying to offer advice because I know what it’s like to be the youngest person in a room full of colleagues, on top of being a queer woman and an ethnic minority. Not a lot of people tick all the same boxes, Mia, I was trying to relate.”

Mia blinked. “Oh.” She said. “You were?”

“You  _ really  _ don’t do subtle hints.” Amy said. “Do you?”

“Wait a second.” Mia said. “Were you  _ flirting  _ with me?”

“Have been for a while now.” Amy said, picking lint off her shirtsleeve. “Thanks for noticing, finally.”

Mia stood there, stunned into silence.  _ Clearly,  _ she had never considered the possibility that Amy’s sarcasm, her teasing, and her apparent omnipresence could all add up to her being  _ attracted  _ to Mia, but apparently that was the case. Something strange stirred inside her, something like a realization.

“Do you wanna maybe get dinner, sometime?”

Amy grinned. “Thought you hated me, Morgan?”

“I don’t like the word hate.” Mia said. “Hate is a word I reserve for murderers and abusers.”

“Okay, fine.” Amy said. “But you made it clear that I irritate you. It’s okay, I’m a big girl. I can handle rejection, Mia. Unless that’s not the case?”

“I think maybe we got off on the wrong foot.” Mia said, shifting on her feet. “And I think maybe I’ve been going about this the wrong way. I’d like to start over, if you let me. Dinner could be part of that.”

“Okay.” Amy said. “Fair warning though, I can’t do pine nuts, unless you wanna hang out in an ER.”

“That won’t be a problem.” Mia chuckled. “My sister is deathly allergic to tree nuts. I’d never even tried almond milk until I went to college.”

“I know this  _ great  _ little place that specializes in food allergy-free dishes.” Amy said. “It’s a little offbeat but then again, so am I. We could go?”

“I’d like that.” Mia said. She smiled.

  
  


Mia wasn’t sure how it happened, but she had misjudged Amy Fine. She had misread and misjudged the way Amy had behaved around her from the very beginning, assigning her own motivations to the other woman’s actions and assigning meaning that had been the opposite of what Amy had been trying to communicate, and perhaps, she thought, she had misjudged her own feelings about her. Mia realized, with some discomfort, that it was possible that her irrational annoyance and distaste for Amy might have been rooted in an attraction that Mia hadn’t wanted to admit to, least of all to herself. Now what had started out as a confrontation had somehow turned into dinner plans, and Mia found that she didn’t mind that. She didn’t mind it at all.


	25. Lost and Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gianna gets some advice and suffers a devastating loss.

_ Gianna Morgan, age 20 _

_ Mia Morgan, age 22 _

_ Julia Morgan, age 25 _

So far, Gianna’s summer break  _ sucked. _

It was nice to be back home around her mom and dad, she had missed them. Even Mia had popped down for a couple days between the end of the school year and the start of her summer classes. She was trying to finish grad school early and from where Gianna stood, if anyone could do it, it was her sister. But Gianna was going into her senior year at University of Chicago and while she wasn’t worried about grades, she couldn’t wait to be done so her life could begin. Devon was back home for the summer too, and though Gianna hadn’t seen him yet, hadn’t really seen him since they had broken up her freshman year of college. She was dreading running into him.

To make matters worse, Uncle Dave wasn’t doing well.

One lazy Sunday afternoon, Gianna went to visit him. All the girls had grown up around David Rossi, but Gianna had always had a soft spot for him. For her birthday one year, with her parents’ blessing, Dave had taken her to a Wizards versus Bulls game and cheered just as loudly as she had when the Bulls won, then after the game, he took her into the locker room and introduced her to the entire team, apparently he had been friendly with one of the player’s family back in the day. Another time, Gianna had been struggling with a creative writing assignment and Dave had stayed on the phone with her late into the night until she’d gotten the hang of it and eventually earned an A. So when Dave got sick, the news hit Gianna particularly hard. Now he’d had a stroke, not his first, and the doctors weren’t optimistic about what time he had left. When Gianna knocked on his bedroom door, Dave’s face brightened as he caught sight of her.

“Gianna!” He said. “Come in! Come in,  _ topolina!  _ Ah Patrice, could you give us a moment?”

Patrice, the hospice nurse that Dave’s daughter had hired to handle his day to day care, smiled warmly at Gianna and gave Dave a wink.

“Call me if you need anything.” She said. “Don’t try to get out of bed to get it yourself. Otherwise, I’ll be back in an hour with your pills.”

Dave smirked. “A harsh task mistress, this one.”

“You dirty old man!” Patrice chuckled. “Watch out for this one, baby, he’s a flirt.”

“Oh I know.” Gianna said. “I’m practically another grandchild to him.”

Patrice clicked her tongue and exited. Gianna smiled, taking a seat beside Dave and placing her hand in his.

“Where’s Joy?” She asked. “Or Kai? I figured they’d be here with you, since you’ve been so sick.”

“They are.” Dave said. “I sent them out to see the city for the day. I don’t want them moping around the house day in and day out. I’m not dead yet.”

Gianna laughed. “Thank god for that.”

“What about you?” Dave said. “How are you,  _ topolina?  _ Mia and your folks have already been by, and Julia said she’s coming back as soon as she can and threatened to harass me via ouija board if I don’t hang on til she gets here.”

“Of course she did.” Gianna said. “You’d better listen to her, you know how she gets. Just like Mom.”

“More like Dad, I think.” Dave said. “Come on,  _ topolina,  _ I know that look in your eye. What is it?”

“Nothing.” Gianna lied. “I’m good, school is good. I’m almost done, one year to go then my life can  _ really  _ begin. I’m already starting to get offers.”

“That’s my girl.” He said. “You better sign, I wanna be able to say I not only knew more than one famous basketball player, but that one of them practically grew up on my knee.”

Gianna grinned. “You will, Uncle Dave.”

“How’s that young man of yours?” He asked. “Devon, wasn’t it? The one you had your eye on since grade school, how’s he doing?”

“We broke up, Uncle Dave.” Gianna sighed. “My first year at college, remember?”

“Ah, right.” Dave said. “You said that the distance was just too much, California and Illinois. You were also holding something back, and I always had the good grace not to mention it until now.”

Gianna bit her lip and avoided his eye. One of the hard parts about growing up around profilers, it was almost impossible to lie to them.

“He found out about the baby.” Dave said. “Didn’t he?”

Gianna looked up, eyes wide. “You knew?”

“ _ Topolina,  _ listen.” He said. “You’re your father’s daughter, but you take after Emily more than you think. I knew when she was expecting both you  _ and  _ Mia before she ever told anyone. She had a look. You had that same look about you your last year of high school.”

“He didn’t care that I got rid of it.” She said. “He was hurt that I never told him. I was just afraid that it would change us too much, or he’d wanna keep it. We were just too  _ young  _ for a baby, Uncle Dave.”

“I understand.” He said. “And I understand why you kept it secret. I also, as a man who didn’t know he had a child until that child was almost thirty, understand why Devon felt so betrayed. Do you love him?”

Gianna blinked. “What?”

“Do you love him?” He asked. “Now, still? Because if you don’t, I swear I won’t say another word.”

“I do.” She said. “With all of my heart, even after almost three years. I don’t know, I tried dating other guys, but it just wasn’t the same. They weren’t him.”

Dave’s eyes twinkled, “Tell him.” He said. “Go to him and tell him before it’s too late.”

“Uncle Dave.” Gianna sighed. “I can’t. It’s been years! What if he has another girlfriend? He could have moved on and I don’t wanna get in the way of that.”

“I’ve seen you two together.” Dave said. “I’ve seen the way he looks at you. If that boy loves you half as much as I think he does, there’s no other girl, period.”

“You really think so?” She asked.

“I know so.” He said. “Don’t let true love pass you by because you’re afraid,  _ topolina,  _ you’re stronger than that. Now do I have to make it my dying wish that you go after Devon, or will you do it?”

“If it’ll make you happy, I’ll do it.” Gianna said. “I’m not making any promises though.”

“Atta girl.” He said. “Go get your happiness.”

Gianna smiled. “I’ll come back as soon as I can to tell you how it goes.” She said. “Don’t you dare quit on me before then. And be nice to that nurse!”

“I always am!” He called after her. Then he smiled fondly at her retreating figure. “You go, girl.”

Gianna got into her car and sped the entire way to Devon’s house, and her fist had barely made contact with the wood of the door before it swung open and Devon stood in front of her, looking just as surprised to see Gianna as she was to see him.

“Gigi.” Devon said. “Hey. How weird, uh,  _ not  _ that you’re here, just that- I was about to head over to your parents’ house to try to talk to you.”

“Oh, good.” Gianna sighed. “I came here to talk to you too. Look, I know we didn’t leave things in the greatest place when we broke up but…”

“I know.” Devon said. “Gianna, I  _ miss  _ you. I can’t  _ do  _ this anymore. I miss your smile, your laugh, I miss how we could talk to each other about anything. Okay, a-and I’ve tried to move on, but I never get farther than three dates with a girl before I break things off because she’s not you, and  _ you’re  _ the one that I want.”

“I kept secrets from you.” She said. “I never told you I thought that I was pregnant, I didn’t tell you about having an abortion... I screwed up, Devon!”

“I get why you did it, Gianna.” Devon said. “I was just hurt that you didn’t feel like you could tell me. I  _ loved  _ you more than  _ anything,  _ I still do!”

“I love you too.” She said. “And I don’t want anyone else but you either. I don’t ever wanna be without you again. I want you for good, for the rest of my life.”

“I want that.” He breathed, holding her close. “I don’t care what I have to do, or how long I have to wait. Gianna, you’re  _ it  _ for me.”

“My parents managed different countries, different continents for almost three years.” Gianna said. “You think we could manage different states for one?”

“For you?” He asked. “I could do anything. I  _ will  _ do anything, just say you’re mine again.”

Gianna leaned her forehead against Devon’s.

“I’m yours.” She said. “I’m yours and you’re mine and  _ nothing  _ will ever get in the way of that again.”

Devon smiled and moved in to kiss her, his hands cupping the sides of her face gently. When their lips met, Gianna felt a piece of her heart that had been missing for almost three years slide back into place. Gianna smiled against Devon’s mouth as she recalled a moment not long after they had begun officially dating when she had informed her parents very matter-of-factly that she had found the man she was going to marry. Derek and Emily had been understandably skeptical of their then-fifteen year old daughter, but Gianna had known it then and she knew it now, she had found the one in Devon. They spent the rest of the day and all of that night together, catching up and whispering words of love in the darkness. Gianna went back to Uncle Dave’s the next morning, bringing Devon with her as if to prove that they had truly reconciled. Dave took one look at them and smiled, his dark eyes twinkling.

“Good.” He said simply. “Make sure to remember me at your wedding, since I probably won’t be there to see you two getting hitched for myself.”

“You will.” Gianna said. “Even if it’s in spirit. You’ll always be a part of everything I do, Uncle Dave. For the rest of my life, I promise.”

“Then I’m happy,  _ topolina. _ ” Dave said. “I’m happy that you’re happy and happy I could meddle one last time.”

  
  


The end came about three weeks later, a week after Julia made it home, and when Gianna heard the news she fell apart in Devon’s arms. He was her rock, holding her as she cried, the cracks in her heart nearly visible in her grief. He held her hand at the funeral, carrying the conversation when she couldn’t bring herself to, laying her head on his shoulder and staring off into space, silent tears trickling down her cheeks. Devon was also there when Gianna was ready to talk, when she screamed and threw things, lamenting at the unfairness of it all, and he was there, staring at her fondly when her family and the old team gathered together to reminisce and tell their favorite Rossi stories, giggling furiously as her parents recalled a time when Dave has caught them making out in a coat closet during one of his dinner parties, half dressed. Devon smiled, squeezing Gianna’s hand and kissing her cheek. He loved Gianna, and she loved him. They would keep loving each other, and by the time summer came to an end, they came up with a plan not so different from the one that Derek and Emily had come up with all those years ago. They were determined to go the distance, and when they came out on the other side, they would be together, never to part again.


	26. For Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julia and Michael return from vacation with shocking news for their families.

_ Julia Morgan, age 32 _

_ Mia Morgan, age 29 _

_ Gianna Morgan, age 27 _

It was two months after he’d asked that they finally did it, two months after she had said yes. They told no one. It had been fairly easy to get the time off, Jack had been bugging Julia to take a few vacation days, and Michael hadn’t taken an extra day off since making detective. They told their family that they were going on vacation to Hawaii, lured in by the promise of tropical fruit and warm beaches. Not a word was said about the license they applied for online, or the beautiful white dress that looked and felt like summertime that Julia packed safely away in a garment bag, or the rings Michael kept in a hidden compartment in his carry-on bag. They kissed their families goodbye, hopped on that plane, and didn’t look back.

They exchanged vows in a beautiful little interfaith church that Julia had found online. The ceremony was short, and afterwards they went to dinner at a local place, getting tipsy off of piña coladas and their happiness. Then Julia and Michael spent the first two weeks of their new life together wrapped up in each other, the ocean acting as the soundtrack to their love story, the scent of coconut, sunscreen, and hibiscus forever burned into their first memories of being a married couple, happy and in love.

When they got home and began telling people the real reason they went to Hawaii, as they knew it would, all hell broke loose. Julia twisted the rings on her left hand nervously, still tanned and glowing, as she watched her father hop up off the couch and begin pacing, ignoring Emily’s hand reaching out to him, a stunned look frozen on her face. On the opposite side of the couch, JJ looked like she wouldn’t mind joining Derek, if Will didn’t have her hand in a vice grip.

“So let me get this straight.” Derek said. “You guys went to Hawaii for  _ two weeks,  _ got  _ married,  _ and didn’t tell  _ anyone  _ that this was your plan?”

“Daddy, I know you’re upset…” Julia began.

“Oh, I’m upset alright.” Derek said. “I just- I don’t understand. I don’t understand it, Julia Grace Morgan. Help me understand it, make it make sense!”

“I will, if you calm down enough to  _ let  _ me.” She said carefully. “And actually, I’m Julia LaMontagne now. I know Mom and Au- uh, JJ kept their names, but I’m still making a name for myself and I wanted to make the change before that happened.”

JJ’s eyes locked on her new daughter-in-law.

“Are you serious?” She seethed. “You guys just drop the  _ marriage  _ bomb on us, now you’re telling us you took my son’s  _ name?  _ What’s next? Are you pregnant, too? Should we be expecting an announcement soon?”

“Jennifer, stop that.” Will said. “You’re being rude.”

“Don’t ‘Jennifer’ me, Will!” JJ snapped. “Are you seriously telling me that  _ you’re  _ not pissed about this?”

“I’m confused, a little hurt.” Will answered. “I just think we should give these two a chance to explain themselves. I’m sure they have a good reason.”

“I agree.” Emily said. “I don’t think that  _ any  _ of us are happy about this, but Jaje, come on, these are our  _ kids  _ we’re talking about here.”

“And might I remind you,” Will said. “That  _ you  _ wanted a courthouse wedding and the only reason you didn’t get one was because Dave interfered.”

“Yeah.” Julia said. “And  _ you  _ guys got married without telling anyone, Mom! I was there, sort of.”

Emily sighed. “Okay, ouch.” She said. “But fair point. Your father and I  _ did  _ get married without telling anyone. But it would make me feel a lot better if I knew why  _ you two  _ decided to go that route.”

“We love you guys.” Michael said, speaking up for the first time since they broke the news. “And we  _ always  _ planned on celebrating with everybody, but when I asked Julia to spend her life with me, we decided together that we wanted something special that was just for us. Something we’d always remember.”

“We have pictures.” Julia added. “We want to keep the video to ourselves for right now, but we still  _ do  _ plan on having something to celebrate with everyone we love, we’d never leave you guys out entirely.”

“We just love each other  _ so  _ much.” Michael said. “And I  _ know  _ you guys know how that feels, probably better than anyone else either of us know. Mom, you knew I was in love with Julia before  _ I  _ did. Isn’t there a part of you that’s  _ happy  _ I got to marry her?”

“Of course I’m  _ happy  _ for you, Michael.” JJ said. “You’re my baby boy, and Julia...I’ve always looked at you as the little girl I never had. I just always hoped that when the time came, we would  _ all  _ be part of it.”

“You  _ will  _ be.” Julia said. “We have  _ all  _ been family long before a piece of paper made it official. Michael and I had a private ceremony, now we want to celebrate our love publicly, and we want all of you with us. Please let us do that, even if you’re angry at us.”

“Of course.” JJ said, standing up to embrace the pair of them. “God, you guys are gonna make me cry.”

“And for the record.” Julia said. “I’m not pregnant, yet.”

“Whoa, hold on now.” Derek said. “Yet? Let me warm up to the idea of my daughter being married first.”

“We can’t let Gigi and Devon have all the fun!” Julia said with a grin. “They’ve already got a head start.”

“She’s kidding.” Michael said. “We’ve had a  _ lot  _ of talks about it, it’ll probably be another year before we start seriously trying to start a family.”

“But you want one.” Emily said. “Sooner rather than later, it sounds like.”

“Yeah.” Julia said. “I want everything with Michael.”

Emily smiled. “Okay.” She said. “Well, you two obviously love each other and...how can I be mad when that’s so obvious to everyone who sees you?”

“Thank you.” Julia said softly. “I love you, Mom.”

“I love you too.” Emily said, squeezing her. “Hey, you too, buddy. You’re stuck with us now.”

“Like I wasn’t before?” Michael laughed. “Come on, some of my first memories are of you guys and Jules.”

“I know.” Emily said. “I still see that little boy and little girl sometimes when I think of you two.”

“Congratulations kids.” Will said. “We’re happy for you.”

  
  


All manner of warm embraces were exchanged now that the initial shock had worn off, and they all gathered around excitedly as Julia and Michael showed off the pictures they had of their small ceremony. Emily and JJ cried, and Derek kissed the top of his daughter’s head and patted his son-in-law on the shoulder affectionately, marveling at how happy the couple looked in those photos. Julia was radiant, warm and aglow, her smile bright. They looked as though they were the only two people in the world, and looking at them in real time, the way Julia leaned into Michael and the way he instinctively reached for her hand, any lingering hard feelings melted away for both sets of parents. They loved each other, they were happy, the happiest anyone had ever seen them, and the two families were now bonded together by more than just friendship and years of shared experience. They were joined together now, one family. No one could be unhappy about that, and they never would be.

  
  
  
  



	27. With You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek and Emily meet Mia’s girlfriend.

_ Mia Morgan, age 25 _

_ Gianna Morgan, 23 _

_ Julia Morgan, age 28 _

It had been six months and things were going well. Amy had been the last person that Mia had expected to fall for, she was completely different from every other woman that Mia had ever been with, in looks, personality, the way she treated her. It was all different and exciting, and though Mia had been cautious and guarded at the beginning, as if bracing for the inevitable end of their relationship, they just kept going. Now they were approaching a hurdle that Mia found particularly terrifying, introducing Amy to her parents.

Mia had met Amy’s folks a couple months prior when they had dropped in for a surprise visit. Lena and Mordechai Fine (“Please, call me Morty!” He had said) hadn’t been what she had expected either, just as gregarious and extroverted as their daughter, but they had welcomed Mia with open arms, accepting her as if she were already part of their family and entertaining her with stories about Amy and all of the antics that she and her four (!) siblings had gotten into growing up. Mia didn’t know how Derek and Emily were going to react to Amy, but for reasons that she didn’t want to explore, it was important to her. When Derek and Emily arrived at Mia’s small apartment, Amy was in the kitchen singing along to some pop song from the mid-2000s while finishing up on dinner. Mia hugged her parents and kissed them each on the cheek.

“Hey pumpkin.” Emily said warmly. “It’s good to see you, we miss you.”

“I miss you guys too.” Mia said. “How is everybody?”

“About the same.” Derek said. “Talked to Gigi lately?”

“Yeah, that’s crazy!” Mia said. “Engaged, huh? I always knew it would be those two.”

There was a beat of silence as coats were removed and Emily handed her daughter a bottle of wine. Finally, Emily clapped her hands together.

“So!” She said. “You said we were finally going to meet your girlfriend, is she here yet?”

“She’s in the kitchen.” Mia said. “I tried to help but she banished me. Before you say hello, I should probably warn you, Amy can be kind of-“

“FUCK!” Amy’s voice sounded from the kitchen. “Babe, do you know where that wooden spoon went? The good one with the weird handle!”

“A lot.” Mia finished. “Did you check the third drawer from the bottom, Ames?”

Mia heard rustling and then, “Thanks! You rock!”

“You almost done?” Mia said. “My folks are here.”

“Already?” Amy said. “I’ll be out in a minute and on my best behavior! Just gotta pull this out of the oven and stir the potatoes!”

Moments later, Amy appeared in an oversized button-down shirt and jeans, her dark curls pulled back into a ponytail. She smiled warmly at both Derek and Emily, bypassing a handshake and hugging them both.

“Sorry, I probably should have asked.” Amy said as she stepped back. “I’m a hugger, come from a long line of ‘em. Freaked Mia out at first.”

“No, no!” Emily said. “It’s fine, I’m the same way.”

“Mia’s told us all about you.” Derek said. “So we’ve been pretty curious about the girl who stole her heart.”

“Literally.” Amy said with a grin. “Did she tell y’all how annoying she thought I was in the beginning?”

Derek and Emily exchanged a look.

“Uh, no.” Emily said. “No, she never mentioned that.”

Mia’s face flushed crimson. “Well, I think dinner is about ready.” She said quickly. “Shall we?”

Amy had gone all out for dinner, making a roast chicken, green beans, and mashed potatoes. The four ate and talked, with Amy taking charge of most of the conversation, laughing and gesturing wildly. At one point, she became so animated that she knocked over her wine glass and swore loudly as she wiped up the mess, grinning sheepishly.

“Sorry.” She said. “This happens a lot. I talk with my hands like my mom and Nonna, sometimes I just get a little too excited, I guess.”

“That’s alright.” Derek said. “Mia said you were Jewish and you grew up in Texas? How was that?”

“It was fine.” Amy said. “Different, I guess. I didn’t really know a lot of people like me growing up, but it was fine, you know. I think being a lesbian was more of an issue for most people, honestly.”

“Right, I can imagine.” Emily said. “And your parents? Were they accepting of you?”

“Once the shock wore off.” Amy said. “I think they were mostly worried I was gonna get killed or something. Especially after everything in high school…”

“Honey.” Mia said grabbing her hand. “Not to interrupt, but maybe we should save the more gruesome conversation for dessert.”

“Right!” Amy said. “Sorry! Therapy got me on this whole ‘speak your truth’ thing, so sometimes I forget that not everyone is ready to hear that stuff.”

“Don’t worry.” Derek chuckled. “Somehow I think Emily and I can take whatever you throw at us.”

“Oh yeah, you were FBI agents.” Amy said. “And the director! Jeez, no wonder you raised such a strong young woman, she must get it from you, huh?”

“I’d like to think so.” Emily said. “I don’t think I can take credit for Mia-Mia though, she’s in a class of her own.”

“Guys.” Mia said. “Come on.”

“No, come on!” Amy said. “I finally get to brag about you to people who really know! Let me!”

Derek laughed a little as Mia’s face turned red for about the thousandth time that evening.

“We’re very proud of her.” He said. “And it sounds like you are too, I like that.”

“God! So much!” Amy said. “I can’t believe she actually agreed to go out with me.”

“Why not?” Emily asked. “I mean, I just met you and I already like you.”

“We didn’t get off to the best start.” Mia said. “There were a couple...misinterpretations.”

“I was an obnoxious ass.” Amy said. “I talked too much, I was abrasive, I drove her crazy!”

“And I was closed-off and judgmental.” Mia said. “We worked it out, though.”

“Well, Mia painted a  _ very  _ different picture of you when she told us about you.” Emily said. “A much more flattering one, at least.”

Amy smiled devilishly. “Oh yeah?”

“I think her exact words were,” Emily said. “That you were one of the funniest, most generous people she had ever met. She told us how bubbly and full of life you were, she spoke very highly of you.”

“Which is why we were so curious.” Derek said. “Mia really made you sound like something special.”

“Well, I’m glad.” Amy said. “I mean, she talks about you guys like you hung the moon, and I know how important this was, so I was really hoping that I could get the stamp of approval.”

“I can tell.” Emily said. “You didn’t have to go through all this trouble, we’re pretty easy to please.”

“It was no problem.” Amy said. “Anything for the woman I love.”

The words were out before Amy could stop them, and judging by the surprised look on her face, and the absolutely floored expression on Mia’s, the sentiment  _ clearly  _ wasn’t one that they had exchanged before. For the first time all evening, Amy was speechless and it was  _ her  _ turn to turn red as she stammered and tried desperately to recover from the slip. Mia stared at her with an open mouth, as though she couldn’t believe what had just happened. Derek looked between the two and quickly cleared his throat.

“Well, it was clearly worth it.” He said. “You’re an excellent cook, which is good because Mia takes after her mother in that department.”

“Hey!” Emily said. “I can cook!”

Derek laughed. “Whatever you say, princess.”

The rest of the dinner progressed without incident, and had it not been for Mia sneaking puzzled glances at Amy when she wasn’t looking, they might have forgotten that anything had happened. At the end of the evening, the group exchanged hugs goodbye, and Emily squeezed Mia tightly.

“I like her, baby.” Emily said. “I hope she sticks around.”

“I know, Mom.” Mia said. “Me too.”

When Derek and Emily closed the door behind them, Mia turned to her girlfriend, who was fiddling with the sleeve on her shirt, clearly embarrassed and knowing she wasn’t going to be able to avoid the discussion that would come next. She looked at Mia nervously.

“I think that went well.” Amy said. “Your parents were great, you weren’t kidding about tha-“

Amy’s sentence was cut off as Mia pounced, kissing her fiercely and pushing her up against the wall. Amy started then kissed her back, a hand trailing Mia’s jaw. When they pulled apart, Amy looked at her with the same shocked expression she’d had at dinner.

“I love you too, you know.” Mia said. “I should have said it sooner, but I do. I love you.”

“Yeah?” Amy said, smiling. “You love me?”

“I love you.” Mia replied. “I think I’ve loved you for a lot longer than I realized.”

“Me too.” Amy said. “I’m sorry the first time I said it was in front of your parents, Meems.”

“Don’t be.” Mia said. “I’m not. I’m glad you did.”

Amy smiled. “I know I act all crazy confident.” She said shyly. “But I  _ really  _ wanted them to like me.”

“Well, they did.” Mia said, kissing her again. “So don’t worry. Come on, let’s go clean up.”

  
  


The two women laughed and flirted as they went through the task of putting away leftovers and washing the dishes, flinging soap at each other and shoving one another playfully. They tested out those words a little more, while they were cleaning up the kitchen, as they sat beside each other watching television. They said them to one another in hushed voices as they curled up in bed next to each other, Amy’s face nuzzling Mia’s neck and kissing her softly. The words changed nothing and everything all at once, their feelings having been spoken out loud giving both of them a feeling of peace. Those words gave them confidence, and Mia allowed herself to hope, to think of the future. She loved Amy, and Amy loved her back, and perhaps it would stay that way. Perhaps, Mia thought, they could love each other forever.

  
  
  



	28. Hide and Seek

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gianna gets lost.

_ Gianna Morgan, age 8 _

_ Mia Morgan, age 10 _

_ Julia Morgan, age 13 _

“Gianna?!”

Panic rose in Emily’s throat as she whipped around wildly in search of her daughter. Gianna almost  _ never  _ asked to come to the store with her, but she had wanted a different kind of cereal for breakfast, and Emily had suggested that she come along to pick it out. Normally, Gianna was fairly well-behaved out in public, Mia had always been the one with issues when it came to outings with her parents. So when Emily turned around to ask Gianna a question and the small girl wasn’t by her side, Emily’s mind raced with the worst possible cases, abandoning her shopping and flying down the aisles, frantic as she searched for her missing child. The Emily who was calm and collected, the director of the FBI who could handle any situation thrown at her seemed completely different from the woman screaming Gianna’s name. In her panic, Emily almost ran into an employee stocking the shelves.

“Ma’am, are you alright?” The young man with a name tag that read  _ Tony  _ asked. “Can I help you?”

“My daughter!” Emily said. “I can’t find my daughter, she was just here a minute ago, and I can’t find her.”

“Alright, ma’am.” Tony said. “It’s alright, kids wander off all the time. I’ll take you to the front and we’ll call it out over the intercom. What’s her name?”

“Gianna.” Emily said, following him. “She goes by Gigi, she’s eight years old, four feet five inches, sixty pounds. She- she’s got curly brown hair and brown eyes, uh, she’s African-American. She’s wearing a pink sweater with hearts on it. God, I can’t believe I let this happen! She never does this!”

“It’s alright, ma’am.” Tony said, reaching for the phone at the front desk. He pressed a few buttons before speaking into it, his voice ringing out over the store in a calm monotone. “We have a Code Adam, I repeat a Code Adam. African-American female, eight years old, wearing a pink sweater…”

The minutes seemed like hours as the grocery store went on lockdown in search of the missing child. Emily sent a silent prayer that her daughter was safe, that some deranged maniac hadn’t carried her off before Emily had even noticed she was gone. When she finally caught sight of Gianna, her eyes red from crying and her nose running, hand in hand with an older woman whose name tag said her name was Sandy, Emily felt a mixture of relief and guilt wash over her as she ran to her daughter, wrapping her in a tight hug.

“Gianna Faith Morgan!” Emily said shakily, tears streaming down her face. “Don’t you  _ ever  _ scare me like that again! Do you hear me?!”

“I’m sorry, Mama.” Gianna sobbed. “I saw a lady with a puppy and I forgot what you said and when I went back you weren’t there! I’m sorry! I’ll never do it again!”

“Baby, I thought you were gone!” Emily said. “I thought I had lost my Gianna forever! My little baby girl.”

“I’m sorry!” Gianna said. “I didn’t mean to, Mommy! I didn’t mean to! I’m sorry! I’m sorry, Mama!”

“Okay.” Emily said, stroking her hair. “Okay, it’s okay, baby. I’ve got you. I’ve got you and I’m not letting go, okay? I’m right here. Mama’s right here, Gigi.”

“I was so scared, Mama.” Gianna said. “I was lost and scared and I started crying! I tried to shout but you couldn’t hear me, and- and- and-“

The rest of the sentence was lost as Gianna dissolved into tears again, wailing like the child she was, seeming much younger and smaller than eight. Emily pulled back and wiped the tears from Gianna’s cheeks before wiping her own and smothering her daughter’s face in kisses, cupping her tiny, distraught face in her hands. She gave Gianna a watery smile.

“I know, baby.” Emily said. “I was scared too. I was so scared that I had lost you. I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have my Gigi anymore. Okay? And I should have checked to make sure that you were right there with me, it was my fault too.”

“I’ll never do it again.” Gianna whimpered. “I’ll be good, Mama, I promise I’ll be good!”

“I know, honey.” Emily said. “I know, and I’m never letting you out of my sight again. You know what?”

Gianna wiped her nose with her sleeve. “What?”

“Your Mama will  _ always  _ come for you.” Emily said. “No matter what. No matter how big you get or how far you go, if you need me, I’ll come running and I’ll find you.”

“Okay, Mama.” Gianna said. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Gianna.” Emily said. “Forever and always.”

Gianna clung tightly to her mother the rest of that day and all evening. Later that night, when Derek came to bed, he found Gianna curled up fast asleep next to Emily, her fists curled around the fabric of Emily’s soft sleep shirt. He grinned and shook his head, but when he bent to pick her up and carry her to her own room, Emily shot him a look.

“Don’t move her.” Emily said. “Every time I’ve tried, she wakes up and starts crying again.”

“Emily, come on.” Derek said. “She’s a big girl.”

“She was scared today.” Emily said. “So was I.”

Derek chuckled. “I think you need this as much as she does.” He said. “So she’s sleeping with us tonight?”

“Tonight.” Emily nodded. “And as long as she needs to to feel like she’s safe again.”

“Emily…”

“Don’t you  _ Emily  _ me!” She snapped. “She might be a daddy’s girl, but she’s  _ my  _ baby! She’ll always  _ be  _ my baby and I- I thought…”

Derek’s expression softened as he took in Emily’s quivering chin and the tears that fell from her eyes as she looked away from him. He sighed and brushed them away, kissing her softly.

“Hey, it’s okay.” He said. “Our baby is okay. She wasn’t hurt, and if you need her with you for a little while, that’s okay too. I’m sorry.”

Emily nodded. “Thank you.”

“Come on.” Derek said, kissing her again. “Let’s get some sleep, my girls had a rough day today.”

  
  


They turned out the lights and held each other close, Gianna sandwiched between them. In her sleep, she smiled, feeling happy and safe. Emily caught it and smiled too in spite of herself. She kissed Gianna on the head and stroked her cheek. Emily had felt a type of fear she hadn’t known was possible that day, a fear that she never wanted to feel again. But Gianna had been brought back to her, safe and unharmed, and probably a little more cautious. That was all that mattered to Emily, and she would never lose sight of Gianna or any of her daughters again. They were her babies, and Emily would keep them safe.

  
  



	29. Nothing Endures But Change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julia and Michael suffer a devastating loss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MAJOR WARNINGS: Stillbirth, pregnancy loss, fetal demise, medical treatment, description of deceased fetus, grieving parents, death, burial, funerals. PLEASE EXERCISE CAUTION.
> 
> If you have suffered or are suffering a miscarriage, stillbirth, or loss of a child, please know that you’re not alone.

_Julia Morgan LaMontagne, age 32_

_Mia Morgan, age 29_

_Gianna Morgan, age 27_

For the first few months after she got married, Julia was walking on air. She was visibly happier than she had ever been, she smiled more, and that post-honeymoon glow still hadn’t faded. Everyone noticed the spring in her step and the light in her eyes, how Julia even seemed more beautiful than she was before, and when she and Michael were together, everyone around them could see, could even _feel_ the way they loved one another. Everything was perfect.

Until one day, about four and a half months in. One day, one case that turned Julia’s life on its head.

It should have been a simple arrest. They had their unsub and Julia and her partner Charlie had just been waiting for backup when the unsub grabbed her and barricaded himself inside a condemned building with her. He beat her pretty badly, choked her until she was on the verge of losing consciousness, he cracked two of her ribs and kicked her stomach. He had a gun but only used it when Jack arrived and tried to negotiate, and it was Jack who ultimately took the shot that saved Julia’s life. When they wheeled her into the ER, Julia was floating in and out of consciousness. Someone had called Michael, who called Derek and Emily as well as his own parents, and who were there fifteen minutes after he arrived, embracing him as he wrung his hands nervously.

“Hey, hey.” JJ said. “What happened?”

“Hostage situation.” Michael said. “She’s got two cracked ribs and a concussion for sure, they’re worried about internal bleeding too, I haven’t seen her yet.”

“Where the hell was her backup?” Derek asked.

“Jack said the guy caught them off guard.” Michael said. “Grabbed her before he could react, Charlie couldn’t get a shot without risking Julia.”

“I hate to say it, but it happens.” Emily said. “Do they think she’s gonna be okay?”

“They think so.” Michael said. “If she doesn’t have any internal bleeding or head trauma. They’re just not sure…”

Michael cut himself off, as if he had nearly revealed some secret that he didn’t want any of them to know. Derek and Emily exchanged a look, so did JJ and Will.

“Son?” Will asked. “What aren’t they sure about?”

Michael sighed, tears welling in his eyes.

“We were gonna start telling people.” He said. “Our appointment was tomorrow. Jules is pregnant.”

“What?” Emily said. “What happened to you guys waiting a year?”

“It was a honeymoon baby.” Michael said. “I guess we weren’t as careful as we thought we were. But we were happy about it! Both of us were, I wanted to start telling people right away, but Julia wanted to wait and make sure everything was okay. Now I know why.”

“How far is she?” JJ asked. “Do you know?”

“Twelve weeks.” Michael said and his voice broke as he continued. “Two days, as of tomorrow. We had an ultrasound scheduled.”

“Oh honey.” JJ said putting her arms around him. “We don’t know yet for sure, the baby could be fine.”

“I don’t know, Ma.” He said. “She was hurt pretty bad. If Julia’s _that_ messed up, how could something so much smaller than her possibly survive it?”

“This early on, it takes a lot to actually harm an unborn child.” Emily said. “I don’t remember the exact numbers, but I remember your Uncle Spence telling me that when I was pregnant with Mia in the field.”

JJ squeezed Michael’s shoulder. “Have some hope” She said. “Until we know for sure.”

The four sat and waited for what seemed like a cruel length of time as Michael paced the floor, seemingly determined to wear a path in the waiting room carpet. Finally, a doctor came in and the entire group rushed towards him as he began to speak.

“Mrs. LaMontagne sustained two cracked ribs and a nasty concussion.” The doctor said. “But with rest, she should recover with time. I’d like to keep her overnight for observation, but barring any more symptoms presenting themselves, she should be able to go home tomorrow morning without concern.”

“Oh thank god.” Emily sighed. “Thank you.”

“And the baby?” Michael asked. “How’s the baby?”

“We’re monitoring her pregnancy.” The doctor said calmly. “There doesn’t seem to have been any trauma to the fetus, but if your wife experiences any unusual pain in the next seventy-two hours, you should bring her back in right away. Unfortunately at this stage, it’s just a game of wait and see.”

“When can we see her?” Emily said.

“You can go back now.” The doctor said. “Try to give her some space, Mrs. LaMontagne has been through quite an ordeal and overwhelming her won’t help.”

When they walked into her hospital room, Julia gave them all a weak smile. Bruises bloomed on her face and she winced as she shifted in the bed. Michael rushed to Julia’s side, kissing her temple and whispering softly to her. Julia looked up at him, her brown eyes filled with love, then nodded, turning to look at her parents and his.

“So.” She said. “This isn’t really the way I wanted to tell you guys that you’re getting a new grandbaby.”

“Don’t worry about it.” JJ said. “What matters is that you’re safe and the baby is safe.”

“For now.” Julia said. “They told me everything looks good but there’s still a chance I’ll lose…”

“Try not to think about that.” Emily said. “Trust me, it does _no_ good to worry unless something happens.”

“Kind of hard not to.” Julia said. “Something could still happen and it would be all my fault.”

“No, it won’t.” Emily said. “You were injured during the apprehension of a dangerous criminal. If something happens, no one is at fault but him.”

“But-“

“Julia, listen to me.” JJ said. “I’ve been in your shoes. I lost a baby between Henry and Michael while on an assignment in the Middle East. And I felt a lot of guilt for a long time, but you know what? The only people responsible for the loss of my child are the man who bombed our convoy and the team member who betrayed us. It wasn’t my fault and this is not yours.”

“Mom.” Michael said. “You never told me that.”

“It’s not something that’s easy to talk about.” Emily said. “It took me a long time to talk about it with anyone besides Derek after it happened to me.”

“That’s right.” Derek said. “But we’re _all_ here for _both_ of you. Every one of us has felt that loss, and if it comes down to it, we’ll be right there with you.”

“We sure will.” Will said. “We’re family, and we’ll get through it like family.”

Julia smiled, tears in her eyes. “Thank you.”

Michael bent his head and kissed her on the cheek, the nose, the mouth, pressed his forehead to hers and closed his eyes, squeezing her hand tightly.

“It’s okay.” He said. “It’s all gonna be okay.”

And for a very long time, it was. Julia was cleared to go home in the morning and their ultrasound showed what seemed like a very healthy baby. So Julia and Michael went home and tried to put the worry out of their minds, and as the pregnancy progressed, they began to put the incident behind them. At twenty weeks, they had an anatomy scan that showed again that they had a seemingly healthy baby, a boy, and they had no cause to worry until three days later. That was when the pain started, what Julia feared may be preterm labor. Michael rushed her to the hospital, calling both her parents and his to let them know what was going on. The doctor came in and performed an ultrasound.

That was when their world stopped, and Julia and Michael’s life as they knew it was changed forever.

“Mr. and Mrs. LaMontagne, I’m so sorry.” Doctor Chen said. “I can’t find a heartbeat.”

“What?” Julia said. “No, there must be some mistake. Maybe the sound was off, I’m sure if you just check-“

“I checked.” Doctor Chen said. “I saw the chambers of your son’s heart, and they weren’t moving. I’m so sorry for your loss, but your son is...”

“No!” She exclaimed. “No! That can’t be right, I felt him move just this morning, he was fine!”

“I know this is a lot to process.” Doctor Chen said calmly, a hand on her arm. “But from what it sounds like, your body is already starting the labor process. We can give you some medicine to help things move along, but you _will_ deliver your son either tonight or tomorrow.”

“This can’t be happening.” Michael whispered. “We got through...they said…”

“Your wife’s previous injury most likely has nothing to do with your son’s passing.” Doctor Chen said. “It is possible that there were some delayed effects, but it’s very rare. There may have been other issues that weren’t detected before now.”

“This isn’t fair!” Julia sobbed. “Why did this happen?”

“Jules…”

“No!” She said. “I wanna know why our baby is dead!”

“Julia, listen to me.” Doctor Chen said. “This is a horrible situation, and I don’t have a lot of answers for you yet, but I will be here to help you through this. Okay? There are resources at this hospital for grieving parents, grief counseling, chaplains, even photographers so you have something to remember him by.”

“Why?” She asked. “Why would we want that?”

“Some parents find it helpful.” Doctor Chen replied. “It’s a way for them to grieve and hold on to their child after they’ve had to say goodbye. Because you’re past the twenty week mark, what you’re going through is classified as a stillbirth. Your baby will get a death certificate and we can do some tests to try and figure out what caused him to die if it’s not apparent at birth. They’ll ask you for a name, you don’t have to decide now, but a lot of people find it therapeutic to name their baby, hold them and spend some time with them before they say goodbye. You can take as long as you like.”

Julia looked at Michael, who nodded. “Yeah.” She said, wiping her eyes. “Yeah, okay.”

“Is there anyone you’d like us to call?” Doctor Chen asked. “Family members or a support person?”

“I’ve got it, Jules.” Michael said. “Our families already know that we’re here. I told them I would call if they needed to come.”

“I need to call my boss.” Julia said. “I need to call Jack. He needs to know why I won’t be coming in…”

“Jules, don’t worry about that.” Michael said. “I can do that too. I’ll do it.”

“I can assist if needed.” Doctor Chen. “Mr. LaMontagne-“

“Please, call me Michael.” He said. “Mr. LaMontagne just makes me think of my dad.”

“Michael.” Doctor Chen. “I understand the need to be strong for your wife, but you have also suffered a loss. I would be more than happy to help with notifying family and employers. I want you to take this time to be with your wife and grieve as a couple.”

“Okay.” Michael said. “Thank you.”

Their parents were there within the hour, and any pretense of composure that Julia had was thrown out the window as soon as she saw her mother. Julia burst into tears anew and Emily rushed to wrap her arms around her daughter. Julia buried her face in her mother’s neck and sobbed.

“H-he, he’s gone.” She choked. “My- my baby, my baby is gone, he’s gone, Mom.”

“I know, sweetie.” Emily said, her voice thick from unshed tears. “I am _so_ sorry, Julia. I’m sorry.”

“It’s not fair!” Julia said, practically screamed. “Why? Why? I want to know why! I want to know why he was taken from me! I want to know why he’s gone!”

“I don’t know.” Emily said. “It isn’t fair, I know it isn’t fair. Okay? But I’m right here for whatever you need.”

“I can’t _do_ this, Mama!” She said. “I can’t have him knowing I’ll never bring him home!”

“I know.” She said. “But he can’t stay, sweetheart.”

“We were looking at cribs!” She said. “And thinking about names and now we have to _bury_ him!”

Julia’s whole body seemed to shake as she began to cry even harder, so hard that she was unable to speak any further. Emily broke down herself as she watched her eldest daughter come undone in her arms, more broken than she had ever been before. On the other side of the room, Michael clung to Will in a similar state of brokenness as Will spoke to him in a low voice. JJ rubbed her son on the back and came to stand on the other side of Julia’s bed, putting a hand on her head and stroking her hair. Derek stood apart from the rest of them, hands shoved in his pockets, not looking at anyone. Emily kissed her daughter.

“Have you guys given any thought to what you might want?” JJ asked finally. “I know it seems impossible right now but…”

“We can’t think.” Michael said. “This...how do you think about something like this? He’s our son and he was supposed to come _home_ with us!”

“I know.” JJ said. “I know and I’m not trying to push, but a time is gonna come where they’re gonna have to start asking you guys these questions, and I just wanna make sure you’re prepared.”

“We were never prepared for this.” Michael said. “I don’t think we’re ever gonna be prepared.”

JJ nodded. “Okay.”

“I don’t want a funeral.” Julia said, looking up. “Michael, I can’t do a funeral. I want us and our families and that’s it. I don’t- I don’t want…”

“Okay, Jules.” Michael said, coming to her side and kissing her head. “Okay, no funeral.”

“I- I want…” Julia stammered. “I want Mom and JJ in here with us when I- when I have him.”

“Of course.” Emily said. “Of course, sweetie. I’ll be right here with you the whole time.”

“Are you sure, Julia?” JJ asked. “I don’t have to be here if you’re not absolutely sure…”

“I want you here.” Julia said. “I nee- need my mom and I need you, I need someone who un- understands.”

“Okay.” JJ said. “I’ll be here. What do you need right now, while we’re waiting for this to happen?”

“I want…” Julia said, her eyes searching the room, falling on Derek. “I want my Dad. I want you to hug me and tell me I can do this, I need you to tell me that my life isn’t over and I can make it through this, Daddy.”

Derek swallowed hard and moved to sit on the edge of Julia’s bed, Emily and Michael moving to give them space. Derek wrapped his arms around his daughter, holding her tight. Images flashed in his mind of Julia as a baby, how impossibly small she had seemed when she was first born, and of the little girl she had been, wiggling in her seat while he did her hair. He remembered the way she had looked at her high school graduation, her smile bright as she gave her valedictorian speech, and the day she told him and Emily she had joined the BAU. He let every memory hit him and he held onto his daughter for dear life, as though he feared she would crumble if he let go.

“I’m right here.” He said, his voice catching in his throat. “I’m right here and I love you, Jujubug. You’re so strong, you know that? You survived being born too early, you’ve survived abuse, you survive every single time you go on a case.”

Derek stopped, cleared his throat, and continued. “Now you’ve gotta survive this,” He said. “And I know it’s hard and you can’t see how you’re ever gonna make it out of this, but you will. I _know_ you and I _know_ you can do this, even if you shouldn’t have to. And I’m gonna do whatever you need me to do, you’re Daddy is gonna take care of you, baby, I always will.”

The labor was mercifully short.

Julia had him before the sun even rose in the sky. All it took was a few pushes and he was there, tiny and still. Michael and Emily held Julia’s hands the entire time, JJ standing beside them and wiping the sweat and stray curls from Julia’s face and murmuring words of encouragement. When it got too bad, Julia would scream, scream for her husband, her mother, or sometimes just simply scream.

He was tiny, the smallest baby that any of them had ever seen. His little body fit perfectly in the palm of Julia’s hand with ease. He looked perfect, aside from the fact that he wasn’t moving, wasn’t crying. He had Julia’s nose and Michael’s ears, looked just like them, and it broke her heart. Though Doctor Chen warned her that they might not discover the cause of her son’s death until testing was done, it became painfully clear when he was born and they saw the umbilical cord tied in a knot. It had all been a tragic accident, a cruel trick of nature. Julia held the baby boy in her arms and cried, her family crying with her.

“He’s beautiful, Julia.” Emily said. “You did such a good job, my sweet girl. You did amazing.”

“He’s so small.” Michael said. “I’ve never seen a baby that small before. He’s perfect.”

“He is, isn’t he?” Julia said. “He’s perfect. Uh, does- does someone want to get Dad and- and Will?”

“I’ll do it.” JJ said, squeezing her shoulder. “You were perfect, sweetheart. I’m proud to call you my daughter.”

Something caught in Julia’s throat at the gesture, the words. They had all decided quickly to do away with any of the “in-law” business, insisting that they were a family and blood had nothing to do with it. But there was something in the affectionate, devastated way that JJ said it that sent tears to Julia’s eyes once again. Moments later, JJ returned with Will and Derek, each of them kissing her on the cheek and squeezing Michael tightly. Will looked over at the tiny baby that Julia held in her arms.

“Hey, little guy.” He said. “He looks just like his mother.”

“I don’t know.” Julia said. “I see a lot of his dad in him too. He has your ears, Michael.”

“I guess so.” Michael said, then he kissed the baby on top of his tiny head. “Hey buddy, it’s your daddy. I wish we didn’t have to meet like this.”

Julia smiled sadly, then she stared down at her little boy with all of the love and heartbreak she felt inside.

“God, I had so many plans for you.” She whispered to her baby. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t do something to help you.”

Derek kissed the top of Julia’s head, and Michael squeezed her hand. Julia looked up at them, her family surrounding her on all sides, with a mixture of gratitude and devastation on her face. Michael cleared his throat, eyes red from crying.

“They uh, they have this cot.” He said. “For the babies who don’t make it, it’ll give us more time with him.”

Julia nodded. “Okay.”

“Have you guys thought of a name?” Emily asked.

“He has a name.” Julia said. “He always had a name.”

“We decided what names we wanted to use before we even knew.” Michael added. “His name is Noah.”

“Noah Isaac LaMontagne.” Julia said. 

“That’s beautiful.” Derek said. “Jujubug, I’m so proud of you. Prouder than I’ve ever been, and I know right now you can’t see past this sweet boy, but if you ever decide that you wanna do this again on your own terms, I’ll be here for whatever you need.”

“I know.” Julia said. “And I know that maybe someday I’ll feel different, but right now I can’t…”

Julia cut herself off as the tears overtook her once more, burying her face in Michael’s shirt, the sobs shaking her body. Michael stroked her hair gently, his throat tightening as he looked at the tiny boy in her arms. Their son, _his_ son.

“It’s not supposed to be like this.” He said, his voice rising. “This isn’t fair! We- we did everything right! We read the books...and now our son is just _gone_ and there’s _nothing_ we can do about it!”

“I know son.” Will said. “I know it’s not.”

They all stayed with Julia and Michael that whole day, taking turns to go get food and rest their eyes. The next day, Julia and Michael allowed visitors, and Henry, Mia, and Gianna dropping everything to make it to them and say both hello and goodbye to their nephew. The third day, Julia and Michael spent alone with Noah, bracing themselves for the evening and knowing that they would be saying goodbye to him forever. The photographers came and they were very respectful, as they took pictures of baby Noah, capturing the only photos Julia and Michael would ever have of their firstborn son. They put him on the bed and took a few, they took some of him being held by his parents, both together and separate. The one that would become Julia’s favorite in the coming days and months after the loss was one of the two of them forehead to forehead, nose to nose.

Doctor Chen had come by to check on them periodically, as did the nurses. A social worker had come to talk to Julia and Michael about final arrangements and put them in touch with a funeral home that specialized in those types of losses. There was a lot of paperwork, but they managed with the social workers help. As Julia had wanted, the burial would be private, just families. The cemetery they chose had a special section for babies and children, and they would be able to visit Noah anytime they wanted. That afternoon, Derek dropped by, bringing a baby blanket for Noah that Julia had told him was in hers and Michael’s house, one of the few things they had already bought for him.The blanket Noah had been wrapped in at birth would go home with Julia and Michael, one of the few reminders she would ever have of their son. Derek hugged Michael, kissed his daughter, then bent over and kissed Noah, knowing it would be the last time he ever saw his grandson.

The hospital provided the clothes they dressed him in. Apparently there was no shortage of charities and individual volunteers who spent their time making impossibly small clothes for impossibly small babies. They took Noah’s hand and footprints to put on his certificate, and they also took a cast of them for Michael and Julia to take home. It was almost too much to bear. When the time came, Julia cradled Noah in her arms and let the tears fall.

“Hey, Noah.” She said. “Hi my sweet boy.”

“Mommy and Daddy have to go soon.” Michael said, clearing his throat. “We really don’t want to, but the doctors and nurses are going to take good care of you until the man from the funeral home comes to get you.”

“We’re going to give you someplace to stay.” Julia said shakily. “Someplace special, and mommy and daddy will come visit you all the time.”

“All the time.” Michael echoed. “We love you so much.”

Julia’s face crumpled and hot tears fell on the baby blanket as she stroked Noah’s little head with her fingers. It finally hit her that this was the last time she would ever see him on this earth, and it was hitting her cruelly and hard. Michael clutched her hand.

“I’m so sorry, Noah.” She sobbed. “Mommy is so sorry that she couldn’t protect you, she couldn’t keep you safe. I wish I could change this but I can’t. I would give you my last breath if it meant that you would live to take your first. But I can’t, so I have to let you go.”

She brought Noah closer to her and pressed her lips to his little face. Julia kissed her son’s forehead, each of his eyelids, his little nose, little lips. Julia kissed her son over and over again, knowing it was the last time. Noah might be gone, but damn if she wasn’t going to make sure he was loved.

“Michael, I don’t know if I can do this.” She said.

“Me either.” He said. “But we have to. Can I-?”

Julia nodded, her eyes wide. She handed him Noah, and Michael cradled his son gingerly. He kissed Noah on the head, stroked his cheek softly.

“You’re our baby, Noah.” He said. “You will always be our baby, and we will always love you. You are so loved, Noah, and daddy’s sorry that he couldn’t protect you. I’ll miss you for as long as I’m alive.”

“I love you, Michael.” Julia said. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Michael said. “This isn’t you fault. This isn’t anyone’s fault, and I know that for the twenty weeks that he was a part of our lives, he could feel how much we loved him. How much we’ll always love him.”

“I know.” Julia said, voice breaking. “I just don’t know how we’re going to let him go.”

“We won’t.” Michael said. “Not really. He’ll always be a part of us. Won’t you, Noah? Yeah, buddy. You’ll always be part of us and we’ll love you forever.”

“We will, Noah.” She said. “Forever and always.”

  
  


Julia and Michael spent another couple of hours with Noah, holding him and holding on to each other. Finally, it was time to go. They each gave him a final kiss and said goodbye. Doctor Chen shook both their hands and the nurses reassured them that they would keep Noah safe until the funeral home picked him up. Then the two bereaved parents went home, back to their home, which somehow felt emptier in the wake of their loss, and they cried together. The following week, surrounded by their family, they laid Noah to rest. Hugs and tears were exchanged, but few words, for there were truly no words to express the magnitude of the loss and pain. Though time might bring back some of the hope that Julia and Michael had, the wound would always remain, and nothing could return what they had lost. Though they would cling to one another, would consider their future eventually, Julia and Michael were forever changed, their family was forever changed, and that was it. Some stories, they realized, had no end. The story of their first child, their love for him, and the way they missed him was one of them.


	30. Anything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A run in with the press lands Gianna in hot water, and Julia approaches her with a surprising request.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: mentions of stillbirth, pregnancy loss, grief, trauma

_ Gianna Morgan, age 27 _

_ Mia Morgan, age 29 _

_ Julia Morgan, age 32 _

“Shocking news in sports today, WNBA powerhouse Gianna Morgan went  _ off  _ on reporters when asked how she was doing after a family tragedy. Morgan’s sister, an agent with the Federal Bureau of Investigation’s Behavioral Analysis Unit suffered a devastating loss early last month when she delivered a stillborn at five months pregnant. The baby was a boy. When asked how she was coping, the point guard for the Los Angeles Sparks had some harsh words for reporters.”

“I am a public figure.” Gianna heard herself saying on the TV. “My sister and her husband are not. You do _not_ get to use their pain to sell headlines just because I throw a ball around for money. Find something else to talk about, I don’t have a comment.”

“The outburst came as a shock to fans and press alike.” The reporter continued. “As Morgan has already been open about her personal life and her strong bond with her family. Morgan herself has a child, a daughter named Delilah who is seven months old. The network has reached out to Morgan’s representatives for comment but at time of airing, did not receive a response. From channel five news, I’m Tasha Nakamura, back to you in the studio, Dave.”

The screen went black as Gianna angrily pressed the power button on the remote and leaned against the counter, keeping a careful eye on the pancakes she was cooking. Devon sat at the kitchen table, spooning sweet potato baby food in Delilah’s mouth. The infant gurgled and clapped her hands, a grin revealing two new teeth poking up from her bottom gum.

“I don’t know why you watch that stuff.” Devon said carefully. “You know it’s just gonna upset you.”

“You know, how dare they?” Gianna fumed. “How dare they make me the villain for protecting my sister from those vultures! She had to bury her  _ baby  _ and they want me to spout some inspirational  _ bullshit  _ about how we’re getting through it as a family! It’s sick!”

“I know.” Devon said, armed with another spoonful of baby food. “I just don’t know what you even said anything for. Open wide, ‘Lila!”

Delilah squealed delightedly and obeyed, gobbling up the sweet potatoes with enthusiasm. Gianna sighed.

“They wouldn’t leave me alone.” She said. “Ever since I got back home, they’ve been everywhere. I don’t even know how they found out what happened! All my publicist said when I sat out those couple weeks was that I had a family emergency, not what it was.”

“They’re vultures, like you said.” Devon replied. “They probably went snooping around like reporters do and found out through records. They always do.”

“It’s disgusting!” She said. “I signed up for this life, but Jules didn’t! Why can’t they leave her alone?”

“Because she’s your sister.” He said. “Family should be off limits, yes, but they don’t see it that way.”

“I hate this.” She said. “I mean, I love basketball, but then stuff like this happens and it really makes me wonder if all this is really worth it.”

“Baby, come on.” Devon said. “You love playing basketball. Could you  _ really  _ see yourself walking away and doing something else?”

“I might have to.” Gianna said. “If the rest of the world finds my “comments” as inflammatory as the press.”

Before anyone could say anything further, Gianna’s cell phone rang, Mia’s name lighting up across the screen. Gianna groaned internally before answering.

“You’re trending online.” Mia said.

“Hello to you too, sis.” Gianna said dryly. “I’m fine, by the way, thanks for asking.”

“Good, I’m glad!” Mia said, not missing a beat. “Now about that whole trending thing…”

“God, this is a disaster.” She groaned. “Some reporter asked me about Jules and I told them that I wasn’t going to treat my sister’s loss like some dog and pony show. I didn’t think it was appropriate.”

“Hmm.” 

“So how bad is it?” Gianna asked. “I’ve tried not to look at the comments online. I know I probably could have been nicer about it, but the media circus was getting ridiculous, I had to put a stop to it-“

“Actually.” Mia said. “Most people are taking your side. LAdude2009 over here said ‘Good for her, sticking up for her sister and not using this tragedy for clout’ and...dude! You know Vanessa Melendez?”

“The pop star?” Gianna said. “I know  _ of  _ her, met her a couple times, I don’t know her personally.”

“She just wrote this  _ huge  _ post and linked it to all her social media accounts!” Mia exclaimed. “Criticizing the press for invading Julia’s privacy through you and...wow, she said ‘As someone who has suffered two miscarriages myself and never spoken about them publicly, I commend Gianna for protecting her family and find the press coverage villainizing her disingenuous and toxic. My heart goes out to her and her family in this difficult time.’ It’s going viral, Gi!”

“I don’t  _ want  _ it to go viral, Mimi!” Gianna said. “I just want it all to go away. I’m having a hard time with this, imagine how Julia feels! She probably hates me!”

“She doesn’t hate you!” Mia said. “Why would she hate you? You’re her sister.”

“Yeah.” Gianna said. “And thanks to me, the whole  _ world  _ knows she lost Noah. It’s been a month! I don’t want her to be reminded every time she goes online.”

“Gigi.” Mia sighed. “She’s reminded every morning when she wakes up and there’s no baby kicking her. Have you talked to her, lately?”

“Not since I got back.” Gianna admitted. “I figured she needed space.”

“She needs her family.” Mia said. “She’s having a really hard time right now. I think you should call her.”

“Okay, I will.” Gianna said. “I just hope she’s not too mad at me for this whole mess.”

“She won’t be.” Mia said. “Call her.”

Gianna and Mia said their goodbyes and hung up the phone, then Gianna spent the next fifteen minutes working up the courage to call Julia. She must have hit the ‘call’ button and then immediately hung up about five times before she sighed in frustration and typed out a text.

_ G: Got time to chat? Miss you xx _

Minutes later, Gianna’s phone lit up once again with a call from Julia. Gianna momentarily froze, afraid and unsure of what to say. She cleared her throat and picked up the phone, forcing cheer into her voice.

“Hey Jules.” She said. “How you doing?”

“Okay, I guess.” Julia replied softly. “Better today. Yesterday was bad, it’s minute to minute some days.”

“Yeah?” Gianna said. “How’s Michael?”

“Trying to be strong.” Julia said. “For me, but he’s really hurting a lot. He doesn’t want me to see him crying, but I see it, I hear it, even when he thinks I don’t.”

“I can’t imagine what you guys are going through.”

“I saw the news.” Julia said. “What you said. Thank you for going to bat for me. I know you pissed off a lot of reporters when you did that.”

“Don’t even worry about it.” Gianna said. “They had no right to ask, and I’d do it again if it helped you.”

Julia paused, and there was a long silence.

“I think you should talk about it.” Julia said. “Not for me, I just...you have a voice, Gianna, a platform. You can make things happen that the rest of us can’t.”

“Julia, no.” Gianna sighed. “I’m not gonna use your son as some sort of...I don’t even know!”

“I’m not saying use him.” Julia said. “I’m saying use your power. Gigi, no one  _ talks  _ about this stuff! I’ve seen the response online, people  _ want  _ to tell their stories, they’ve just been too scared. They feel invisible and honestly, I kind of get it now.”

“Jules…”

“Did you know some people wouldn’t consider me a mother?” Julia asked. “I went through morning sickness and cravings and labor, just like everybody else, but because I don’t have a living child, that’s not good enough for them.”

“Well they’re wrong.” Gianna said. “You’re a mom, Jules, you’ll  _ always  _ be a mom.”

“I know that.” Julia said. “But not everyone does. Maybe you could be a voice to help change that.”

“He’s my  _ nephew,  _ Jules!” Gianna said, her voice breaking. “I can’t even talk about him with Devon without crying. I don’t think I can go out in public and do it, no matter  _ how  _ good a reason I have!”

“I know.” Julia said. “Trust me, I know.”

“You’re my sister.” Gianna said. “He was your  _ baby.  _ How can I go and talk about him in front of all those people and hold it together?”

“You don’t have to hold it together.” Julia said. “Speak from the heart.”

Gianna paused. “Why are you doing this?”

“Because as much as it hurts,” Julia said, and Gianna could hear she was crying. “And as much as I want to hide away from the world, I can’t do that. I feel so alone but when I saw what you did and how people reacted, I realized I  _ wasn’t  _ alone and I want that for other people. You don’t have to do it, but if you do, then do it for me, and for Noah, and for every mom without a baby.”

“Okay.” Gianna said, wiping her eyes. “Okay, I’ll  _ think  _ about it, I’m not making any promises. But I love you Jules, and I’m _ here _ for you, I hope you know that.”

“I know.” Julia said. “I love you too, Gigi.”

There was another long silence before Julia spoke again, sounding nervous.

“Hey Gianna.” She said. “Can you do something for me?”

“Anything.” Gianna said. “What is it?”

“Can you give Delilah an extra kiss for me?” Julia asked. “And just...hug her extra tight and tell her how much her Auntie loves her?”

“Yeah.” Gianna said with a smile. “I can do that.”

When Gianna hung up the phone, she buried her head in her hands and cried. Then she took a deep breath, dried her eye, and did exactly what she promised her sister she would do, hugging and kissing her baby girl who snuggled into her and stared up with big brown eyes, smiling when she heard her aunt’s name. Gianna still had misgivings about what Julia had proposed, but in her heart, she already knew what she had to do, and who to have her publicist call.

The interview aired two weeks later, and though they were separated by distance, Gianna knew that her entire family, including Julia, would be tuning in to watch it. Gianna curled up on the couch next to Devon, the baby monitor on the table beside them, and turned on the TV to see her own face staring back at her.

_ “I’m Lisa Coleman, and tonight, I have a very special guest with me. Gianna Morgan rose to fame as a point guard in the WNBA.”  _ Lisa Coleman said.  _ “At only twenty-seven, she’s quickly proven herself to be a superstar on and off the court. Tonight, she’s opening up for the first time about the personal loss her family has suffered, and what she plans to do next. Gianna, welcome.” _

_ “Thank you.”  _ Gianna said.  _ “Thank you for agreeing to sit down and talk with me.” _

_ “I have to admit, I was surprised when I got the phone call.”  _ Lisa said.  _ “When asked before, you made it very clear that this was a topic that you felt was off-limits to speak about publicly, what changed your mind?” _

_ “Well, first of all.”  _ Gianna said.  _ “I would like to address that first incident and my reaction. I got back from helping my sister lay her son to rest, and like instantly I was getting phone calls, messages, asking questions...it was overwhelming. And it didn’t stop, and by the time that incident happened, it had become almost a daily thing, none of us had had time to heal and to process and grieve privately…” _

_ “So you’d had enough?” _

_ “I’d had enough.”  _ Gianna said.  _ “I was grieving, I’m still grieving, my sister and her husband, our whole family is still grieving. It was still fresh and I was tired and I was less gracious than I could have been.” _

_ “So what changed?”  _ Lisa asked.  _ “What made you go from not wanting to talk about this to sitting down with me tonight to talk about this?” _

_ “Uh, actually it was my sister.”  _ Gianna said.  _ “She called me and said ‘Hey, I saw what happened and thank you for sticking up for me but maybe this is an opportunity to use your status for good’ and I hesitated at first, but she is an amazing woman, a strong woman, and she basically told me it was okay to do this.” _

_ “Wow.”  _ Lisa said.  _ “And I know you said that you’d sit down for this interview on the condition that any financial compensation be donated to a charity benefiting bereaved parents of stillborn children.” _

_ “That’s correct.”  _ Gianna said.  _ “I’m also donating myself out of my own pocket and I know a lot of people, friends, fans, they keep asking you know ‘how can we help? What can we do?’ So I would say to anyone asking that to please donate, we are very lucky to be in position to help Julia, my sister, and her husband through this but other parents going through this might not be so lucky, so please, think of them.” _

_ “You have a child yourself.”  _

_ “I do.”  _ Gianna said.  _ “Delilah, she is seven months old and she’s the light of my life. She’s a joy to be around.” _

_ “Is that hard for you?”  _ Lisa asked.  _ “To have a healthy child at home and then have this happen to your sister?” _

_ “It’s definitely hard.”  _ Gianna said.  _ “You know, you wonder why a lot. Why did this happen to her? Why her and not me? It’s very hard to wrap your mind around that and know that it’s random. It could have just as easily been me, or anyone.” _

_ “I can only imagine.”  _ Lisa said.  _ “Now you and your sisters, you have two, you’re all very close. You’ve spoken in the past of the tight-knit bond that you have with your family, tell me about Julia, what’s she like?” _

_ “We are very close.”  _ Gianna said.  _ “All three of us, our whole lives, we’ve always been there for each other, always had each other’s backs. Julia is the oldest and she’s always been our rock, she was the protector and the one we’d always run to first when we needed something that maybe we didn’t want our parents to get involved in just yet.” _

_ There was a pause as Lisa laughed. _

_ “Just, the best big sister.”  _ Gianna continued _. “She’s so smart and so protective, and so, so supportive. I know people say ‘Oh my sister is my best friend’ and it sounds like a line, but my sisters really are my best friends. I’d do anything for them, either of them.” _

_ “So Julia was the protector.”  _ Lisa said.  _ “And now the tables have turned. I know there was some backlash from the media when you sort of put your foot down and said ‘enough’ but the general opinion was that you did the right thing. You’re obviously very protective of your sister and sensitive to her feelings. How is she doing? Right now. Can you tell me that?” _

_ “It’s a process.”  _ Gianna said.  _ “She’s just taking it one day at a time, it’s really hard. But she knows that we all love her and support her and all she has to do is call and we’ll come running.” _

_ “That’s sweet.”  _ Lisa said.  _ “Is it okay to ask what happened? Do you have her permission to discuss that with me tonight?” _

_ “I do.”  _ Gianna said.  _ “Uh, I won’t go into detail, but basically it’s what they call a cord accident where something happened and the umbilical cord got tied in a knot which cut off Noah’s, the baby, it cut off his oxygen and unfortunately he didn’t survive.” _

_ “That’s horrible.”  _ Lisa said, reaching out to pat Gianna’s hand.  _ “And from what I understand, there was really no way of predicting that this could happen.” _

_ “That’s correct.”  _ Gianna said.  _ “We had no idea what happened until Julia had to deliver him, up until then there was no sign of anything wrong, she had been feeling great, it just blindsided all of us.” _

_ “I can’t imagine that.”  _ Lisa said.  _ “What was that like? Getting that phone call that something had happened and your sister had lost her baby, your nephew?” _

_ “It was just shock and horror.”  _ Gianna said.  _ “I threw up, I was sick to my stomach when my parents, actually, they were the ones who called to tell me and my other sister, Mia, to tell me that something had happened and Noah was not going to be born alive. Then I just, I cried. I cried for her and for Michael, her husband, and for Noah. I still cry, I cry every day.” _

_ Gianna sighed and wiped her eyes. _

_ “But then, you know…”  _ Gianna said.  _ “My next instinct was just, I need to go to her. I needed to be with her and do whatever I could for her and for Michael.” _

_ “Did you get to see the baby?” _

_ “I did.”  _ Gianna said.  _ “It was...it’s hard to describe to someone who doesn’t know what it’s like. You’re heartbroken, because the baby is gone, but then you look at him and he’s this perfect little thing, you can see all his little features...he had her nose, Julia and I have the same nose and he had her nose, and my daughter has my nose so that was just…” _

_ “And she was how far along?” _

_ “Twenty weeks.” Gianna said. “So he was small, he was very small. But he was so beautiful.” _

_ “Do you wonder about him?”  _ Lisa prompted.  _ “What he would have been like if things had been different?” _

_ “All the time.”  _ Gianna said.  _ “I think we all do, you know, who he would take after, what his personality would have been like, his interests. He would have been just under a year younger than Delilah and I was so excited that she was going to have a cousin close in age to play with, and that got taken away.” _

_ “It’s heartbreaking.”  _ Lisa said sympathetically.  _ “I can certainly see why you hesitated to talk about it,” _

_ “I still am.”  _ Gianna said.  _ “If it weren’t for Julia asking me to shed light on this situation and use my voice, I don’t know that I would have spoken out about it so soon, or ever really. So this is really for her.” _

_ “I find that incredibly moving.”  _ Lisa said.  _ “Here she is, your sister, going through the unimaginable, no one would blame her for wanting privacy, and she asks you to speak almost on her behalf to spread awareness that this happens to people and it’s okay to be sad and it’s okay to talk about it and we need to have conversations about it. That just seems so selfless to me that she would do that.” _

_ “That’s Julia.”  _ Gianna said.  _ “She’s in the worst moment of her life and she’s thinking about others. She’s my hero, she’s always been my hero. I love her and I want to be more like her. She’s amazing.” _

_ “Well, it’s obvious from the way you talk about her that you love her very much.”  _ Lisa said.  _ “And all of us here too! I wish I could give her a hug, I wanna give both of you a hug right now. Well, before we wrap this up is there anything you’d like to say to the people out there watching this interview who may be experiencing the same loss as your sister?” _

_ “You’re not alone.”  _ Gianna said.  _ “Even if you feel like you are, even if you feel hopeless, there are other people out there going through this, there are resources, and support. You don’t have to do this on your own, we’re here, we see you, we love you.” _

_ “We see you.”  _ Lisa echoed.  _ “I love that. As we said earlier, Gianna will be donating to the International Stillbirth Alliance, as are all of us here, and we encourage you to do the same. Gianna will also be setting up Noah’s Angel Fund to assist bereaved families with medical expenses, funeral expenses, grief counseling, and financial assistance so grieving parents can take the time they need to mourn the loss of their child. The information will be left on the screen as we say goodbye I’m Lisa Coleman, thank you for watching.” _

As the screen faded and the picture changed abruptly to the local news, Devon pulled Gianna close and kissed her deeply. When he pulled away, he smiled at her and stroked her cheek with his thumb.

“I’m proud of you baby.” He said. “You did good.”

“Yeah?” She said. “You think so?”

Devon smiled. “I know so.”

Gianna returned his smile and leaned in to kiss him again, over and over until she was breathless, the affection and physical closeness easing a little bit of the aching feeling that Gianna hadn’t been able to shake for the past six weeks. Before the kissing to progress into anything more, Gianna’s phone lit up and began buzzing aggressively. It was Julia.

“Hey.” Gianna said. “What’s up?

“I saw it.” Julia said, her voice husky. “I saw all of it, all those things you said...thank you, Gigi.”

Gianna closed her eyes as they filled with tears, and she smiled, taking a deep breath.

“Of course.” She said. “Anything for you.”

The phone call was short, but Gianna managed to squeeze in a few extra “I love you’s” to Julia before they said goodbye. Then she turned her attention back to Devon, kissing him longer and holding him closer before they decided to turn in early for the night. On her way to their bedroom, Gianna crept into Delilah’s nursery and spent a few minutes just watching the steady rise and fall of her daughter’s chest, contemplating how lucky she was. She gave the sleeping girl a kiss on her chubby cheek before quietly closing the door behind her and went to finish what she started with Devon. That night she curled up in Devon’s arms as she fell asleep listening to the steady beating of his heart, and Gianna found the knot in her stomach had loosened a little. She couldn’t fix everything, she couldn’t unbreak her sister’s heart, or bring her nephew back, but she could use her platform to do some good. Gianna couldn’t save the world, but she could help her family and others like them, and that was a start.

  
  



	31. I’ll Stand By You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mia deals with the aftermath of losing her nephew and contemplates her own future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: mentions of stillbirth, pregnancy loss, grief, eating disorders, self-harm, and suicide.

_ Mia Morgan, age 29 _

_ Gianna Morgan, age 27 _

_ Julia Morgan LaMontagne, age 32 _

It had been three months, but Mia remembered that phone call like it was yesterday.

She and Amy had finished cleaning up after dinner, it had been maybe eight or nine at night, and they were settling down to watch a movie before bed when Mia’s phone rang. Mia closed her eyes as she recalled the fear that leapt into her heart as she saw her father’s number on the screen. He never called her that late in the evening, and though Mia had tried to remain positive as she answered the call, she knew in her heart that something was  _ very  _ wrong.

_ “Dad?” Mia said. “What’s wrong?” _

_ “Something’s happened.” Derek said. He sounded like he had been crying. _

_ “What is it?” Mia said, her voice rising. “Is it Mom? Did she- is she okay?!” _

_ “It’s not your mother.” Derek said. “It’s Julia. She- something happened and she-“ _

_ “Daddy, you’re scaring me.” Mia said. “What is it?” _

_ “She lost the baby, Mia.” _

_ A cold chill ran down Mia’s spine. “No.” _

_ “We don’t know what-“ Derek struggled. “We don’t know what happened yet, but he’s- he’s gone, Mia.” _

_ “No!” Mia said again, louder. “No, there’s- there’s been some kind of mistake, they got it wrong, Dad! Tell them to check again! They need to check again!” _

_ “They’ve done everything, sweet pea.” He said, more defeated than Mia had ever heard him. “There’s no heartbeat, he’s not moving.” _

_ “No!” Mia screamed. “No no no no no!” _

_ “Babe, what’s wrong?” Amy asked, eyes wide with alarm. “What happened?” _

_ Mia shook her head. “Where is she?” She said. “Wh- is she in pain? What happens now?” _

_ “They have to deliver the baby.” He said. “They’ve already started the process of inducing labor.” _

_ “Oh my god!” Mia said. “How is she? How’s Julia?” _

_ “She’s heartbroken.” Derek croaked. “She and Michael are heartbroken. I’ve never- I’ve seen a lot of terrible things, Mimi, but not like this. Nothing like this.” _

_ “I’m getting the next flight out.” Mia said. “I need- I need to be there, I need to- god, I can’t-“ _

_ “Wait til morning.” Derek said. “There’s nothing you can do right now, it could be hours before Julia delivers him. There’s nothing any of us can do.” _

_ “I can’t believe this is happening!” Mia said, gasping desperately for air. “Everything was fine! She just Skyped me and Gigi a couple days ago to show us the results of the anatomy scan, how did this happen?” _

_ “I don’t know, baby.” Derek said. “I don’t know.” _

_ “Keep me updated.” Mia said. “I don’t care how early or late it is when she has him. Please, Daddy?” _

_ “I will.” He said. “I love you, Mia.” _

_ “I love you too, Dad.” Mia said. “Give her a kiss for me and tell her I’ll be there soon.” _

Mia was shaken from her thoughts by Amy plopping down next to her on the couch and kissing her cheek. The other woman ran her fingers through Mia’s curls, looking at her with love in her eyes.

“Hey.” Amy said. “What’s going on in that big beautiful brain of yours?”

“I’m just thinking about Julia.” Mia sighed. “I’m worried about her. I know it’s only been three months, but every time I call her, she just sounds so lost.”

“I’m sure she is.” Amy said. “Losing a child isn’t really something that you ever get over.”

“I know.” Mia said. “It’s just...something she said to me the last time we were on the phone. She told me that she never understood, growing up, how I could be hurting so badly inside that I wanted to hurt myself, and then she said now she does.”

Amy frowned. “Should we go out there?”

“I don’t know.” Mia said. “I can’t really afford to take more time off, especially this close to summer. Mom and Dad check on her as much as they can, I just...I don’t know. I don’t know how to  _ help  _ her.”

“How are  _ you  _ doing?” Amy asked. “I know the temptation was pretty bad there for a while.”

“How did you know?”

“You scratch at the inside of your wrist like you’ve got a really bad itch when you’re thinking about it.” Amy said, shaking her curls out. “You’ve been doing that a lot the last couple months. Should I be worried, Meems?”

“I’m not gonna do anything.” Mia said. “You do it too, you know. I can always tell when you’re struggling with the disorder because you chew a lot of gum to keep your mouth busy and you stick closer to me at mealtimes so you’re not tempted.”

Amy laughed. “We  _ are  _ a pair, aren’t we?”

“I guess so.” Mia said. “At least we keep each other honest, huh? We’re pretty good together.”

“I hope so.” Amy said. “I married you, didn’t I?”

“That you did.” Mia said, kissing her. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Amy said. “You know you can talk to me, right? If you’re struggling. I’ve got you.”

“I know you do, Ames.” Mia said. “And you know I trust you with anything. I just feel sad and confused.”

“You lost your nephew.” Amy said. “That’s a pretty big deal, Mimi. Do you want to talk about it?”

“I don’t know.” Mia said quietly. “I don’t even know how to feel. You know, one minute I was thinking of all the things I wanted to do with Noah when he got big enough, teach him how to draw and let him watch movies that Jules and Michael didn’t want him to see, I was teasing Julia about her baby bump and how it was getting  _ so  _ big even though it was barely there...then the next thing I knew, I was saying goodbye.”

“It’s a lot to deal with.” Amy said. “You know, the night you got that phone call, you scared me half to death. I’d never seen you fall apart like that before.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t be.” Amy said. “The way you and your sisters are with each other...I get it. If something like that happened to one of my brothers or to  _ my  _ sister, I would have lost my mind. I was just worried.”

“You helped a lot.” Mia said. “Just being here, knowing that you’re here, it helps a lot.”

Amy gave her a long look. “There’s something else.”

“Yeah.” Mia said. “I know we agreed that we were going to table the baby conversation until we’d been together at  _ least  _ five years, but after all of this...I don’t know, I kind of wanna revisit it.”

“Really?” Amy asked. “Now?”

“I mean, I don’t want them next week or anything.” Mia said, grinning. “But I know it means a lot to you to have a family and I think after everything that’s happened, we could all use some good news.”

“What about Julia?” Amy said. “Do you think that would be too hard for her to be around just yet?”

“I was going to talk to her.” Mia said. “I think she’ll understand, but I wanted to give her a heads up once we were both on board with it.”

“You’re a good sister.” Amy said, pecking her on the cheek. “And an even better woman.”

“Says my wife.” Mia cracked. “Come on, let's get to bed.”

“Bed?” Amy frowned quizzically. “It’s barely ten.”

“If we’re gonna start having babies,” Mia said, grinning mischievously. “We’d better practice making them.”

That made Amy throw her head back and laugh.

“Babe.” She said. “You and I  _ both  _ know that’s not how that works for couples like us.”

Mia shrugged. “It’s still fun to try.”

“Okay, miss thing!” Amy said. “Let’s go practice, and we’ll talk more about this in the morning.”

Mia and Amy tossed the idea back and forth for weeks before coming to any sort of tentative agreement on the matter. The decision to begin looking into their options before committing fully wasn’t one that either of them took lightly, but now that they had decided to at least move forward, Mia found herself more nervous than she anticipated to talk to Julia about it before anything was set in stone. She wiped sweaty palms on her jeans as she made the call, hoping that she was making the right choice.

“Hey.”

“Hey, what’s up?” Mia said. “How are you doing?”

“Better.” Julia said. “I got cleared to go back to work finally, I start back up again next week.”

“Wow.” Mia said. “You think you’re ready?”

“I think I’m tired of sitting at home.” Julia said. “I don’t know if ready is the right word, but I think staying busy and having something else to focus on will be good.”

“Yeah?” Mia said. “You never did like staying still for too long. Like Dad and his restoration projects. Hey, I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Okay.” Julia said. “What’s up?”

“Well, nothing’s official right now.” Mia said. “And it’ll probably be months if not longer before anything really happens, but I wanted to give you a heads up…”

“Come on, Mia.” Julia said. “I’m not so fragile that you have to beat around the bush, so out with it.”

“Ames and I have been talking.” Mia said. “We’re thinking about starting a family a little bit sooner than we had planned on. A- again, it wouldn’t be right away or anything, we’re just looking into it right now but…”

“Mia, that’s great news!” Julia said. Then she sighed audibly. “But you wanted to tell me first because you didn’t know how I was going to react, right?”

“I didn’t want you to be blindsided.” Mia said. “I was trying to be considerate, I know how hard this has been. Noah was everything to you guys.”

“Mia, listen to me.” Julia said. “Yes, losing Noah was devastating, and yes, I still have more bad days than good. But I would never want you or anyone to put your lives on hold for my sake. That’s selfish.”

“If anyone has the right to be a little selfish, it’s you Jules.” Mia said. “I wouldn’t hold it against you.”

“And I won’t hold you and Amy wanting to start a family against  _ you  _ guys.” Julia said. “Look, yeah, it’s hard to see my friends and neighbors all having kids and living their lives while this is mine, but the world doesn’t stop just because I lost my son, you know?”

“I know.” Mia said. “But-!”

“Let me finish.” Julia said. “I have to deal with this. I won’t survive if I don’t. I can’t expect everyone to put their lives on hold to spare my feelings. It’s harsh, but it’s true. I’ll miss Noah every single day for as long as I live, but I love Delilah and I love Henry’s kids. How can I be mad that you want to be happy?”

“You’re not being fair to yourself.” Mia said. “It’s okay if you’re not okay with this.”

“You know what I’m  _ not  _ okay with?” Julia asked her tersely. “Everybody treating me like I’m a delicate flower who might break if she sees a pregnant woman or a newborn baby. I’m not, so stop!”

“I’m not trying to!” Mia exclaimed. “I’m trying to show you the same courtesy I think I would want in your shoes because I love you more than anything and I don’t want to  _ hurt  _ you! Is that so wrong?”

“Then do it, Mia!” Julia snapped. “God, and here I thought you of all people would understand that I don’t want to be treated any differently! You’re just like everyone else, with their pitying looks and their tiptoeing around me like they’re walking on eggshells!”

“What the  _ fuck,  _ Julia?” Mia said. “That is  _ not  _ fair and you know it!”

“None of this is fair!” Julia said. “It’s not fair that this is my life and it’s not fair that one of the  _ only  _ people who has not  _ once  _ treated me with kid gloves is suddenly deciding to! If you have misgivings about doing this now, fine, but don’t use me as an excuse!”

Mia paused, stricken. “Is that really what you think?”

“Yeah, it is.” 

“Then I guess there’s nothing else to say.” Mia said softly, on the verge of tears. “I’m sorry that that’s the way I made you feel, I won’t bring it up again.”

Julia sighed. “Mia…”

“Bye Jules.” Mia said. “I love you.”

She hung up the phone before Julia could say anything else, not even bothering to fight the tears making long trails down her cheeks. The accusation stung, worse perhaps because Mia was left wondering if that  _ hadn’t  _ been what she was doing. She hadn’t wanted to hurt Julia, but perhaps in her quest to avoid it, she had done it anyway. Mia cried all night, burying her face in Amy’s shoulder. She had wanted to call back, wanted to apologize and take back every single word that had come out of her mouth, but Amy stopped her.

“Give it a couple days.” She said. “Let the sting wear off and  _ then  _ try to talk to her.”

“I don’t want this to fester.” Mia said. “Julia and I have never  _ fought  _ like this. I mean sure, we argued here and there growing up but nothing like this.”

“Emotions are running high.” Amy said. “It’s a sensitive subject and I think you  _ both  _ probably said a couple things you didn’t mean. Just wait it out, think long and hard about what you want to say, then do it.”

A couple days later, it was Julia who made the call.

“Listen.” She said. “I wasn’t being fair to you. I know that you love me, and you were just trying to do what you thought was right. I shouldn’t have bitten your head off for it and I’m sorry.”

“You were right, though.” Mia said. “I  _ was  _ treating you differently when I shouldn’t have. I should be the one apologizing, you have enough to deal with and I wasn’t helping even though I thought I was.”

“We were both wrong.” Julia said. “There’s no road map for this kind of thing, Mia. When Noah died, my life changed forever. Now I have to learn to go on and when you called to tell me about you and Amy were thinking about having a baby, I felt like you were saying that I expected you to not go after something you really wanted because of what happened to me. That really hurt, Mia, even though I know it’s not true.”

“I never meant to make you feel like that.” Mia said, choking back tears. “I just didn’t want to make it worse and I did it anyway. I never wanted to hurt you.”

“I know.” Julia said quietly. “I know you didn’t.”

“There’s something else.” Mia said. “When we talked a few weeks ago, you told me that you finally knew what it felt like to wanna hurt yourself. It scared me.”

“I shouldn’t have said that.” Julia sighed. “It was a moment of weakness and I should have known better than to say something like that to you. I’m sorry.”

Mia paused. Swallowed hard

“Do you?” She asked. “Want to hurt yourself?”

“In my worst moments.” Julia admitted. “It just hurts so  _ much,  _ Mia, and sometimes I don’t know what to do.”

“Have you ever acted on it?”

“Never.” Julia said. “There’s been a couple close calls, but then I think of Noah and I _know_ he wouldn’t want that, and I think of Michael and the fact that he’s still _here_ and he needs me as much as I need him and I know that I can’t do it. I’m just so lost, Mia.”

“I know.” Mia said. “And now I feel like I finally know how you must have felt, knowing that I felt that way and what I was doing and wanting to help but not knowing how to make the hurt stop. I feel useless, like I’m the world’s worst sister.”

“You’re the  _ best  _ sister.” Julia said. “You and Gianna have  _ saved  _ me through all this. If it was just me and Michael doing it on our own, I don’t know if I would be able to cope at all. You guys call to check on me all the time, and Daddy said that when he called to tell you what happened, he had to stop you from taking off in the middle of the night to get here.”

“I wanted to be there with you.” Mia croaked. “I  _ needed  _ to be there  _ for  _ you. We’ve always been there for each other and honestly, I wish I had done it anyway.”

“You did the best you could.” Julia said. “That’s all any of us can do. I’m glad you’re my sister.”

“I’m glad that you’re mine.” Mia said. “I love you so much and I  _ wish  _ I could take your pain away.”

“Just keep being there.” Julia said. “And if you want to have kids of your own with Amy, then do it. Because as much as it hurts that I don’t have my baby with me, I can’t imagine feeling anything but love for any child that you guys have because they’re came from you.”

“Okay.” Mia said. “I love you sis.”

“I love you too.” Julia said. “Forever and always.”

  
  


Mia was able to go to sleep that night with a little more peace in her heart knowing that the breach between her and Julia had been repaired. There were no right answers or foolproof tips when the question “where do we go from here?” was posed. The loss of Noah was something that had changed the landscape of their entire family forever, and though no one knew exactly what that meant for Julia or for anyone else, Julia was right when she said life didn’t stop. But the fact that their relationship was still solid was what mattered most to Mia and she felt assured that whether it took five years or one, when she and Amy decided to start their family, they would be met with love and understanding and Mia also knew that no matter what, she would be there to love and support her sister. They had each other’s backs, and always would.


	32. It’s Quiet Uptown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julia reaches a breaking point and turns to Emily for help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Mentions of stillbirth, pregnancy loss, grief, mourning, trauma

_ Julia Morgan LaMontagne, age 33 _

_ Mia Morgan, age 30 _

_ Gianna Morgan, age 28 _

Maybe it was because it had been a year since they lost Noah, maybe it was because work had been sending her all over kingdom come more so than usual lately, or maybe it was because Julia had felt like a walking ghost in her own home for the past twelve months, but she had finally made up her mind.

She had to leave.

Julia didn’t even bother going home when she got off the jet from her last case, just grabbed her go-bag and sent Michael a text saying she was staying at her parents’ for the night and they needed to talk in the morning. Silent tears rolled down her cheeks as she drove. Julia knew that she would be breaking Michael’s heart when she came to him and asked for a divorce, knew that she would be breaking her own heart, but she couldn’t take it anymore. Nothing had been the same since that cold night in February, at first they had clung even tighter to each other in the wake of Noah’s death, but as the days turned to weeks and the weeks turned to months, while Michael had only held on more fiercely to her, Julia had felt herself slowly pulling away, going further and further until she was so far gone that she didn’t think she could ever get back. It wasn’t that she didn’t love Michael anymore, she loved him desperately, more than any man she had ever been with, and that was exactly why she had to let him go.

Emily was surprised when she opened the door and saw Julia standing on the front steps, looking exhausted and morose, but quickly let her daughter in as Julia tearfully explained what she was doing there. She wrapped Julia in a soft quilt and fixed them both mugs of tea, handing one to Julia and patting her leg as Emily took a seat beside her on the couch.

“So,” Emily said. “Divorce, huh? That’s a pretty big step, Jules. Are you sure that’s what you want?”

“It’s not about what I want.” Julia said, shaking her head. “It’s what needs to happen.”

“Well, what’s going on?” Emily asked. “What caused you to believe that this is the only option?”

Julia stared down at the mug in her hands for a long time, fighting tears and trying to find the words to explain the storm raging inside of her. Emily didn’t push, just waited patiently until Julia looked up at her, completely and utterly shattered.

“I can’t do it anymore, Mom.” She whispered. “I can’t let him keep loving me when I’m too broken to give him everything he wants, everything he deserves. I can barely look at him because it hurts too much.”

“Ah.” Emily said. “The old ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ line. I tried that one on your father a time or two, didn’t take. Clearly, or we wouldn’t be here right now.”

“Mom, come on.” Julia said. “You and Dad are like the perfect couple. You really expect me to believe that what’s happening now is the same as that?”

“Maybe not.” Emily shrugged. “But I know after I lost what  _ would  _ have been your older brother or sister, I had similar feelings of wanting to set your dad free because I was worried I couldn’t give him the life he wanted. What’s going through your head, Julia?”

“Michael wants another baby.” Julia said. “He asked a few weeks ago if I was willing to start trying again.”

“Oh.” Emily said. “And I’m guessing you’re not ready yet to try and have another baby.”

Julia shook her head. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready, Mom.” She said. “I  _ want  _ to be but every time I even  _ think  _ about it, it’s like I can’t breathe. Everything was fine until it  _ wasn’t  _ with Noah, and now I know just how easy it is to lose someone you love more than anything in the world. How do I come back from that?”

“Oh sweetie.” Emily sighed, pulling her close. “You’ve been through so much this past year and I don’t blame you one bit for feeling that way.”

“But?”

“No buts.” Emily said. “I’m just worried about you. Julia, when you and Michael came back from Hawaii and told us you were married, you lit up like I had  _ never _ seen you do. He’s the love of your life, are you  _ sure  _ you want to walk away from that?”

“I don’t deserve him.” Julia said. “You’ve seen the way he looks at me! He looks at me like I’m the best thing that ever happened to him and for the past six months, I’ve barely been able to hug him!”

“That’s not your fault.” Emily said. “At least not all of it. Are you still seeing the grief counselor?”

Julia nodded. “Every Tuesday morning.”

“Have you tried talking to her about this?” Emily asked her gently. “The guilt and the feelings of inadequacy might be something that she can help you with, because I don’t think you  _ really  _ want to divorce Michael and as your mother and an expert in running away, I’m scared that if you walk away from him and you don’t really mean it, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life.”

“I don’t know how to fix this.” Julia said. “I love Michael, but every time I look at him, I think of Noah and it  _ hurts!  _ We...we haven’t even really been together more than a couple of times since my follow up, and Michael has been  _ so  _ patient with me even though I  _ know  _ that he misses it. But every time we  _ are  _ intimate, I can’t even enjoy it because I’m terrified I’ll get pregnant again.”

“You’re a little too much like me.” Emily said. “Usually I’d say that’s a good thing, but bottling things up, not asking for help, and running away to protect the people I love almost got me killed once upon a time. It almost cost me everything, and I don’t want you repeating my mistakes Jujubug, I love you too much for that.”

“You’re a pretty amazing mom.” Julia said. “I used to pray that I’d be as good a mom as you someday.”

“You still can be, if you want.” Emily replied, kissing her on the temple. “And you know what?”

“What?”

“You’ll be an even better mom than I am.” She said quietly. “Because you are one of the sweetest souls to ever walk this earth, and I was lucky enough to call you my little girl. You have a lot of love to give, sweetheart, please don’t shut your heart to it completely.”

Julia’s face crumpled and she leaned into Emily, burying her face in her mother’s shoulder.

“What am I gonna do?”

“You’re gonna get a good night’s sleep.” Emily said, rubbing her daughter’s back. “Then you’re going to talk to your husband in the morning. Be honest about how you’re feeling, something tells me that it’s been a while since you clued him in on that front.”

“I really do love him, Mama.” Julia said and she smiled through her tears. “No one has  _ ever  _ made me feel as safe and as loved as Michael does. I just don’t know how to make this better.”

“Choose to fight for it.” Emily said. “Fight for him, for love. You’ve got a good thing, so fight for it.”

“Okay.” Julia said. “I will.”

The next morning, Emily hugged her daughter extra tight, whispering words of encouragement in Julia’s ear before releasing her with a soft smile, waving as Julia’s car pulled out of the driveway. When Julia arrived at her own home, Michael was waiting for her, a plate stacked high with homemade waffles on the table, a fresh pot of coffee brewing on the table. As soon as she walked through the door, Michael’s eyes found hers and there was that look in his eyes again, the one that had always made her melt, that look like she was the only person Michael saw. Julia saw the muscles in his shoulders relax as he pushed up out of his chair and wrapped his arms around her, holding on as though he feared she would disappear if he let go.

“You’re here.” Michael said. “I was afraid you wouldn’t come home after you texted me last night.”

“I’m here.” Julia said. “And we still need to talk, but I’m here, Michael and I’m not going away.”

“I was sure you were gonna tell me that it was over, Jules.” He said. “That you were leaving me.  _ Are  _ you leaving me, Julia?”

“I’m not leaving.” Julia said. “I love you. With all of my heart. I’m  _ in love  _ with you, Michael.”

“But?” 

“I need help.” She said. “I got off that jet last night with every intention of breaking your heart, but I realized that that’s not what I want.”

“What do you want, then?” He asked. “Whatever it is, just tell me and I’ll do it. I’ll do anything, Julia.”

“I want to be okay again.” Julia said, her voice breaking. “I want  _ us  _ to be okay again. And I want to want a family with you again, I’m just not there yet.”

“What do you need from me?” Michael said. “Do- do you want to go to couple’s counseling? Just tell me what to do to make you happy.”

“I think counseling would be good.” Julia said. “I owe you an apology, Michael. I haven’t been upfront with you about how I’ve been feeling, and you deserve so much better than that. Than me.”

“Hey, no.” Michael said, tilting her chin up. “Don’t you say that. You’re the only person I ever saw, Jules. Since I was a fifteen year old kid, all I wanted was you and you’re the only one who ever stood a chance.”

“I don’t hold your hand anymore.” Julia said. “I look at you and I see our son and sometimes I’m so overwhelmed that the pain blinds me and I can’t think of anything else, and you paid the price for that.”

“I do it too.” He said. “I’m reminded of him every time I see your face, and I think I kind of end up staring sometimes because except for pictures, you’re all I have left of him. A-and when I look at you, for a second it’s like he’s here again. Right here with us.”

“Doesn’t it hurt?” She asked.

“Of course it does.” He said. “More than I can say, but I miss him and I love him, and I love you. He existed because we loved each other, and I want to remember that, no matter how much it hurts.”

“How do you do it?” She said. “Can you teach me?”

Michael’s eyebrows furrowed. “Teach you…?”

“How to bear it.” Julia said. “I need to know how to remember him and not fall apart.”

“I don’t know.” Michael murmured. “I can’t explain it, I just focus on the love, I guess.”

“You’re good at love.” Julia said. “Better than I am.”

“You’re better at this than you think.” He said. “You could have walked away and you chose to come back and talk to me instead. Tell me that’s not love.”

“It’s love.” She said. “It’s love and wanting to run was love too, just mixed with fear.”

“I don’t want you to run.” He said. “We can get through this. We’ll get past it. Do you believe that?”

Julia nodded. “I do.” She said. “I’m sorry that I doubted that for even a minute.”

“It doesn’t matter.” Michael said. “You’re here now.”

“I’m here.” Julia echoed. “Here and ready to fix this.”

“We’re gonna be okay.” He said. “We’ll figure it out.”

“We’ll figure it out.” She said. “We’ll figure it out.”

  
  


They kissed and it felt as though a new day had dawned. The rest of the morning consisted of Julia and Michael holding each other, syrupy kisses, and hushed declarations of love. Their battle was far from over, but they had decided to fight and it didn’t seem to be lost on either of them how close they had come to falling apart and neither one of them wanted to come that close again. In the following days, phone calls would be made, counseling sessions would be booked, and the real work would begin. But that day was for them, it was about renewing their efforts to make their love work and to remind themselves and each other that though their loss had been extraordinary and they would carry the scars of it for their whole lives, they still had a rare and beautiful thing in their love for one another. Now it was time to fight for that love, and that was exactly what Julia and Michael intended to do.


	33. Yes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mia asks an important question

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Note/Fun Fact: Amy’s full name is Amelia Devorah Fine. Devorah is the Hebrew version of Deborah, which translates to “bee” and who is an important Biblical figure. Amy was originally an OC in a fic I abandoned and never posted and has, arguably one of the most fleshed out backstory of any of this fic’s supporting characters. This is a nod to that and to her culture.

_ Mia Morgan, age 27 _

_ Julia Morgan, age 30 _

_ Gianna Morgan, age 25 _

It had been nearly two years. That had been all it took. Two years’ worth of dinner dates, cheesy sci-fi films, two AM discussions about politics and religion. Two years of arguments large and small, apologies, and embarrassing moments that became funny stories. Two years of memories, laughter, and love, eighteen months of it under the same roof, had made Mia absolutely sure that Amy Fine was the woman she wanted to be her wife, and the time had finally come to ask Amy to do just that.

Mia was scared out of her mind.

Once she had decided that she was going to propose, it took her longer to decide  _ how _ to propose to Amy than it had for her to decide that she was  _ going  _ to. Mia deliberated for  _ months  _ on every miniscule detail, down to where she would do it, the ring she would buy, and the words she would say, to the point where she lost sleep on it. When they went to visit Amy’s family in Texas during winter break, Mia had stolen away a few moments to ask Amy’s parents for their blessing, a gesture that had amused Lena and Morty fine but which they had given heartily and promised enthusiastically not to give away Mia’s plan to their beloved eldest daughter. Finally, the time came in early spring when the flowers were just beginning to bloom and the world was slowly coming back to life after a long winter’s nap. Mia found she had to improvise her plan after her first attempt ended in disaster when some pesto had found its way into the dressing of the salad Amy had ordered and the two of them had spent what should have been a romantic evening and the start of a new phase of their relationship in the emergency room while Amy was treated for an anaphylactic reaction. Back to the drawing board.

A couple of weeks later, Mia attempted to propose a second time. She had known that Amy had been itching to go hiking as soon as the snow had melted, a hobby that Mia tolerated out of love, but which provided the perfect opportunity to set her plan into motion. They made a whole day of it, packing a picnic lunch and taking their time coming back down, lounging by a secluded waterfall, the sun warm on their backs. By the time they made it back down, the sun was beginning to set. The two women walked their path right into a clearing by a lake that was resplendent with blooming wildflowers made all the more beautiful by the colors and light reflected on the water as the sun sank in the sky. Mia looked at Amy, drinking in the other woman’s reverence for nature and smiled, lacing their fingers together as they walked at the water’s edge, hand in hand, hurtling towards their future.

“This is so cool, babe!” Amy said. “I know you’re not much of an outdoor girl, but look how pretty this is! Everywhere you look, there’s life and color!”

“It  _ is  _ pretty.” Mia said. “Not as pretty as you, but it’d make a good painting at least.”

“Uh-oh.” Amy teased, knocking into her playfully. “What did you break now? You only call me pretty when you’re working up the courage to tell me something, usually that you’ve broken or lost something.”

“What?” Mia said. “I do not! I always call you pretty!”

“No, you always call me  _ beautiful. _ ” Amy said. “Or gorgeous, or stunning.  _ Not  _ pretty.”

“Okay, fine.” Mia said. “You, Amelia Devorah Fine are stunningly gorgeous, breathtakingly intelligent, and annoyingly observant. Luckily all I needed was five minutes to distract you so I could get you over here.”

“What?” Amy laughed. “Meems, what are you even  _ talking  _ abou- oh shit!”

Amy stared, open-mouthed at the display in front of her, countless tiny, colorful rocks placed carefully in the shape of a heart. In the center were wildflowers that formed an A and an M side by side. She glanced at Mia, who just grinned sheepishly.

“I think the fact that I had my interns helping me with this might be considered an abuse of power.” Mia joked. “It took forever to get it just right, but my original plan kind of went out the window thanks to pine nuts.”

“Your plan.” Amy repeated numbly. She turned to look at Mia and her eyes went wide with realization. “Oh no fucking way, you romantic asshole.”

“Way.” Mia said, shifting uncomfortably on her feet, unsure if she should actually get down on one knee and then doing it anyway. “I uh, I don’t really know how to do this, I’ve never done it before. Obviously.”

“You don’t have to, you know.” Amy said. “You know how I feel about you and you know what I’d say.”

“I wanna do this right.” Mia said. She cleared her throat. “Amy, you came into my life at probably the most inconvenient time and in the most unwelcome way. I was unequivocally  _ not  _ looking for anything serious and you were so far from any ‘type’ I thought I had that I  _ really  _ didn’t see you coming.”

“I’ll say.” Amy laughed but she sounded breathless, looked like she was on the verge of tears.

“I saw you as a rival, at first.” Mia said. “And I couldn’t explain why you got under my skin so easily and I would rather have died than admit that it was because I was so insanely attracted to you that it drove me to distraction and made me even angrier at you than I would have been normally.”

“Is this a proposal?” Amy asked. “Or a comedic roast?”

Mia shot her a look. “Stop interrupting and find out.” She said. “Anyway, then when you asked me out, I couldn’t deny how I felt about you any longer and we’ve been together ever since, which is pretty damn good if you ask me. The last two years have been the best of my life, and you’re a big reason why.”

Mia stopped, swallowed hard, squeezed Amy’s hand affectionately and then continued.

“I knew you were the one,” She said. “After that one  _ huge  _ fight we had. I remember I walked out,  _ so  _ sure that we were through and you chased after me and said that I could be as angry at you as I wanted, but that if I was trying to get rid of you, I’d have to try a lot harder than that. You saw right through my bullshit and turned all my fears on their head, and I knew then that I wanted you forever.”

“You are genuinely my favorite person on the planet,” Mia went on. “And there are so many things I love about you. Like how you never match your socks as a rule, and how you sing along to whatever music is playing, even if that means I’m subjected to your inexplicable love of country music. You can drink my dad under the table and keep up with my mom in like three different languages. I’ve never met anyone else like you and I don’t want to. I want you and us for the rest of my life, so please tell me this damn speech wasn’t for nothing and say you’ll marry me.”

Amy smiled, the tears in her eyes threatening to spill over. She chuckled a bit as she wiped her eyes.

“You are so dramatic.” Amy said. “Yes. Yes, of course I’ll marry you, Mia.”

“Oh thank god.” Mia said, laughing breathlessly as she stood up to kiss Amy. “I thought I was gonna pass out.”

“Yeah?” Amy said as she pressed her lips to Mia’s over and over again. “You beat me to the punch, I was planning to ask you next weekend.”

“No shit?” Mia said. “You were? Really?”

“I got the ring and everything.” Amy said. “Lab grown, since I know how you feel about the diamond trade.”

“Oh! That reminds me.” Mia said, fumbling in her backpack and pulling out a box. “I know you hate diamonds and purple  _ is  _ your favorite color so I thought your birthstone might be more appropriate.”

“It’s beautiful.” Amy said as Mia helped her slide the ring onto her left-hand finger. “I love it, and you.”

“I love you too.” Mia said. “So does that mean we can get out of here? I’m being eaten alive by mosquitoes and I promised your mom we would video chat after it was a done deal, assuming you said yes.”

Amy rolled her eyes. “I wondered what you were being so secretive about back when we went to visit.”

“Come on.” Mia laughed. “Let’s go home and tell everyone the good news.”

“Okay, okay!” Amy said. She started walking then paused, her face softening. “I can’t wait to marry you.”

Mia smiled. “Me either, babe.” She said. “Me either.”

  
  


The rest of the evening was spent on the phone or on video chat to share their happiness with their family and friends. Though they were the same people they had always been, something felt as though it had changed between them. They had made a commitment to each other that had previously been left unspoken, a promise that they would make good on in just a few short months. That night, they curled around each other as if they had become one, a fitting metaphor for the future that Mia and Amy hoped to build together, and the life they wanted to create.

  
  



	34. Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A sibling rivalry and a moment of recklessness gets Gianna and her sisters in trouble, and brings to light the deeper reasons for their father’s overprotectiveness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: mentions of childhood sexual abuse, molestation, and reference to Carl Buford.

_ Gianna Morgan, age 9 _

_ Mia Morgan, age 11 _

_ Julia Morgan, age 14 _

It had started as a friendly competition.

Gianna and Mia were as different as night and day, and had been all their lives. Where Gianna was interested in any sport where she could throw a ball around and pretty much reveled in her tomboy status, Mia was a girly girl, all ballet shoes and dolls and though she wasn’t allowed to wear it just yet, makeup. It was a point of contention between them and though they loved each other, they were still sisters and Gianna loved to tease her sister and bait her into silly competitions. That day had been no different.

“I bet I can run to the other side of the park faster than  _ you _ can.” Gianna said. “Bet I can beat you there.”

“Not a chance.” Mia scoffed. “You might have longer legs, but I’m smaller and faster.”

“Oh yeah?” Gianna said. “Prove it.”

Mia considered for a moment. “What do I get?” She asked. “If I win?”

“I’ll do all your chores for a week.” Gianna said. “But if you lose, you have to do all of mine.”

“Deal.” Mia said. “Get ready to do some dishes.”

The two of them hashed out the details of the race, the boundaries, and did the Morgan Sisters secret handshake, which involved a lot of complicated hand movements and a little more saliva than any of them  _ really  _ enjoyed, to cement their promise not to try and sabotage the race or cheat in any way. Gianna started off in the lead, but Mia was surprisingly quick, quicker than even Gianna had anticipated and when they crossed the finish line, it was so close that neither one of them could say with any certainty who had won.

“Now what?” Mia said panting. “We got here at the same time, and we don’t have pictures to fall back on like they do with the horses.”

“Do they even  _ do  _ that anymore?”

“Dunno.” Mia said. “They did when Mom and Dad were kids, back in like the eighties or whatever.”

“That was like a million years ago.” Gianna said. “How do you even  _ know  _ that’s what they did?”

Mia shrugged. “Internet.” She said. “So?”

“Well a rematch won’t work.” Gianna said. “Not without someone here to watch and say for sure who won. We could do a strength contest? We each get a heavy rock and see who can throw it the farthest.”

“That’s not fair!” Mia complained. “You have more strength in your arms than me and you know it!”

“Okay, fine!” Gianna said. “It was just an idea, jeez! How about...uh, we could uh…”

Gianna’s eyes fell on an enormous tree in the middle of the park. It was old, massive, and looked pretty sturdy. Certainly old and strong enough to hold the weight of two little girls who were each less than eighty pounds soaking wet. Gianna smiled and there was a glint in her brown eyes as she turned to her older sister.

“We could climb.” Gianna said. “Whoever goes the highest without falling or giving up wins?”

“You know I used to climb Mom’s shelves.” Mia said blankly. “Right? All the way to the top.”

“Duh!” Gianna said. “Dad  _ always  _ tells that story. Says you were the biggest daredevil of all of us. Come on! Are you in or are you too chicken?”

“I am  _ not  _ chicken!” Mia scoffed. “You’re on!”

Gianna smiled smugly as they each took their places on opposite ends of the tree. Mia might have been a daredevil once, but now her world was full of pink tights and classical music, and Gianna, who was already gaining on her sister in height, had further reach. They kept up with one another pretty well for a while, but as they got higher and the branches got thinner, Gianna noticed her sister slowing down, becoming more deliberate with her movements. Gianna pushed on, climbing past what even  _ she  _ would consider altogether sane heights just to prove a point. 

“Okay, I give!” Mia said. “I can’t go any further.”

“Chicken!” Gianna called and kept climbing.

“Not a chicken.” Mia said. “These branches aren’t gonna hold my weight, and they won’t hold yours either, Gigi! Come on, come down!”

“Nice try!” Gianna said. “I’m not falling for that one!”

“You’re gonna fall  _ anyway  _ if you don’t stop!” Mia shouted. “Come on, I already said I give up, you win! Just come back down before you hurt yourself!”

“I’m fine!” Gianna said. “I’m not gonna-“

_ Crack!  _ The branch Gianna had been pulling herself up on broke clean off and down the girl tumbled with a loud crash, landing on her right arm. The scream that came from her mouth made her sister’s blood run cold and Mia hurried back down the way she came, jumping when she was close enough to the ground to land on her feet, and rushed to Gianna’s side. Julia, who had been talking to her friends some ways away heard the commotion and came running as well. Tears streamed down Gianna’s dirt-covered face and she cradled her wrist with her left hand.

“Gigi!” Mia said. “Gigi, are you okay!”

“No!” Gianna howled. “M-my, my arm! My arm  _ hurts!  _ It hurts, Mia! It hurts!”

“Shit.” Mia said, looking closer at the arm. “Gigi, I think it’s broken. God, I  _ told  _ you you were going too high!”

Gianna didn’t answer, just continued screaming and crying as Julia bounded up to them, her eyes wide and afraid as she took in the sight of her baby sister on the ground, clutching her broken arm.

“What did you guys  _ do? _ ” Julia exclaimed. “You were supposed to stay where I could keep an eye on you!”

“Gianna wanted to race.” Mia said. “Then we decided to see who could climb higher and- and the branch broke off, I’m so sorry!”

“Mom and Dad are gonna  _ kill  _ me!” Julia said. “I was supposed to be watching you guys, now Gigi is gonna have to go to the ER! I have to call them…”

“It was my fault.” Mia said. “Tell them it was all my fault, we ran off without telling you, it was my fault!”

“That’s not how it works.” Julia said, dialing the number on her phone and reaching down to stroke Gianna’s small, curly head. “I was responsible for you two, and now...Dad? Gigi’s hurt, you guys gotta come get us. Bad. I know! I’m sorry! Just please come fast…”

Derek and Emily arrived within minutes, and after a quick examination of Gianna’s arm and a promise to Julia that she and her parents would be having a “discussion” later, Derek scooped up his youngest daughter and carried her to the car, Emily and the two other girls trailing behind like ducklings. The wait at the hospital was shorter than they had expected and an x-ray exam of Gianna’s arm confirmed that she had broken her wrist in two places. They placed her in a bright blue cast and instructed her to take over the counter pain medications before sending the little family on their way. The car ride home was deathly silent, with Derek and Emily too furious to speak, and each of the girls stewing in their own guilt. When they got home, all three of the girls were sat on the couch, Emily sitting on the leg of the chair opposite them and Derek pacing, his expression stormy.

“So do any of you want to explain,” Derek fumed. “How exactly this all happened? No, no, I  _ know  _ the story of  _ what  _ happened, I wanna know how it was possible.”

“Dad, I’m sorry.” Julia said. “I bumped into a couple of friends from school and we got to talking...I got distracted! I didn’t realize how far Mia and Gianna had wandered off until I heard the crash.”

“You were supposed to be  _ watching  _ them, Julia!” Derek said. “Not hanging out with your little friends. What if someone had snatched them up instead, huh? How long would it have taken you to notice they were gone? How would that have made you feel, huh?”

“Dad, I’m sorry…” Julia said, her eyes filling up with tears. “I didn’t think…”

“Damn right, you didn’t think!” He said. “You’re lucky all that happened was your sister broke her arm!”

“Dad, it’s my fault!” Mia said. “I should have told Julia where we were going, but I didn’t! She would have tried to stop us if I had, it wasn’t her fault!”

“She’s the oldest.” Derek said. “She should have been more responsible! You are a  _ child,  _ Mia!”

“I’m old enough!” Mia said, voice rising. “Old enough to know better! Julia might have made a mistake, but so did I. You can’t blame her for everything!”

“You know, I don’t get it.” Derek said. “Julia, this is not like you at all! What were you thinking?”

“I’m sorry.” Julia choked.

“It was my fault.” Gianna said quietly. “Neither of us told Julia where we were going and  _ I  _ was the one who kept climbing when I knew it wasn’t...Mia tried to stop me and I didn’t listen. If you wanna blame anyone, blame me Daddy. I didn’t listen, I broke my own arm.”

“Emily?” Dere said, turning to his wife. “You can jump in at any time here. What do you think?”

“I think a lot of mistakes were made.” Emily said carefully. “And not just the girls.”

Derek blinked. “What do you mean?”

“Come on, Derek.” She said. “Do you  _ really  _ think it’s fair to put all of this on Julia?”

“It was her job!” He said. “She was supposed to-!”

“She’s  _ fourteen  _ years old.” Emily said. “What were  _ we  _ doing when we were fourteen, Derek?”

“Hey, that’s not fair.” Derek said. “You  _ know  _ what was happening to me at fourteen. We keep our girls  _ safe,  _ and Julia is  _ usually  _ pretty responsible.”

“But she’s still a teenage girl.” Emily said. “They’re all still  _ little  _ girls. Even if they don’t think so.”

“Okay.” Derek sighed. “Then what do  _ you _ think we should do, Emily? We can’t just do nothing.”

“Well, I think grounding is a start.” Emily said, looking at each of her daughters. “You  _ all  _ played a part in what happened. If even  _ one _ of you had done something differently, this wouldn’t have happened.”

The three girls nodded.

“Julia, no phone except for emergencies and only at school.” Emily said. “You and Mia will have to pick up some extra chores since Gigi’s arm is broken, but Gianna, as  _ soon  _ as that cast comes off, you’re gonna be doing extra to make up for it.”

“Okay.” Gianna said with a nod. 

“And no more outings without one of us.” Emily continued. “It wasn’t fair of your father and I to put that much on you, Julia, but we  _ can’t  _ risk something like this happening again. So until further notice, no one goes anywhere without me or your father.”

“Yes ma’am.” Julia said, her head down. “I really am sorry, you guys. I know that doesn’t fix it, but…”

“We know.” Emily said, kissing her head. “Okay, why don’t you guys go upstairs and find something that  _ isn’t  _ life-threatening to do until dinner.”

The three girls got up off the couch and filed out of the living room without a word. As their footsteps faded up the stairs, Derek shook his head at his wife.

“You think they got the message?” He asked. “No offense, princess, but I think you went a little easy on them, considering what happened…”

“And you were too hard on them.” Emily said. “Julia especially. Derek, come on. We  _ both  _ know that this wasn’t all her fault.”

“She should have been watching them!”

“Yes.” Emily said, putting her hands on his chest. “But Mia and Gianna should have been more careful. And what the hell was that about them getting snatched up, Derek? Where did  _ that  _ come from?”

“I’m sorry.” He sighed. “Old habits die hard. Come on, you know just as well as I do the kinds of people out there who’d  _ love  _ to get their hands on a couple of innocent little girls who are  _ way  _ too trusting.”

“Is this BAU Derek talking?” Emily asked. “Or fourteen year old Derek who needed help that never came?”

“I don’t know.” He said. “I know I’m overprotective, Emily, I know that. I just don’t want them going through any of the stuff that I had to go through.”

“I know.” She said, kissing him. “But they don’t understand that. Maybe it’s time to tell them what  _ really _ happened instead of just that it was something bad.”

“They’re still so young.” He said. “Even Julia. They still only see the good in the world, I don’t wanna take that away from them. Not while they’re still innocent.”

“They won’t be innocent forever.” She said. “Would you rather they learn about the bad stuff the hard way?”

“No.” Derek said, clearing his throat. “I’ll talk to them.”

“I love you.” Emily said. “You know that, right?”

“Yeah.” Derek said. “I know.”

Derek went to each of his daughters, apologizing for how harshly he had dealt with them and explaining why in a careful, halting voice, modifying how much he revealed based on what he felt was appropriate for their ages. When he got to Gianna, Derek’s heart leapt into his throat. Sitting on her bed, struggling to read a book with her one good hand, she seemed so much younger and smaller than she had downstairs. He cleared his throat and sat down on the edge of the bed.

“Hey, listen.” He said. “I wanted to apologize for going so crazy on you and your sisters downstairs. I overreacted, it wasn’t right and I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry Dad.” Gianna said. “It really  _ was  _ my fault.”

“Maybe.” He said. “But you gotta understand something, there’s a lot of bad stuff out there, Gigi, worse than breaking an arm.”

“I know, Dad.” She said. “You tell us all the time, no talking to strangers, don’t run off without telling anyone. Is that why you were so mad at us?”

“Yeah, baby.” He said. “Now, you know something bad happened to Daddy growing up, right?”

“Yeah.” Gianna said warily. “Why?”

“Well, it has a lot do with who I am.” Derek said, choking up. “And the way I go a little overboard when it comes to keeping you girls safe, because I don’t  _ ever  _ want what happened to me to happen to you girls.”

“Daddy, what happened?” Gianna said. “You’re crying.”

“There was a bad man, Gigi.” Derek said. “When I was a little younger than Julia. He helped me after your grandpa died, and I trusted him. He took advantage of that trust, and the things he did...no child should  _ ever  _ have to have that happen to them.”

“Oh.” Gianna said quietly. “Like what happened to Laura in my class, last year?”

Derek’s brow furrowed. “What happened? I forget.”

“Her stepdad.” Gianna said. “He’d come into her room at night and touch her. He did it once while Ava was spending the night, he thought she was sleeping but she saw the whole thing and told our teacher. Mrs. Johnson called the police and they took her away and she had to live with her aunt for a while. Ava told me all about it because she wasn’t sure if she should tell.”

“Yeah, baby.” Derek said. “Something like that. Except I never told anyone and no one found out for a long time. Not even your grandma or aunties.”

“But you’re supposed to tell!” Gianna said. “If someone touches you like that, you’re supposed to tell!”

“I know.” He said. “I was scared, I thought nobody would believe me. So it kept happening and when you girls were born, I made a promise to do everything I could to protect you from all that.”

“But Daddy, nothing happened!” Gianna said. “And in school they said if someone hurts you, most of the time it’s someone you know, not a stranger.”

“That’s usually true.” Derek said. “But you know I used to catch bad guys like your mom, right?”

Gianna nodded. “Right.”

“Well they hurt people too.” Derek said. “Some of them even hurt little kids, and as many as you catch, you can’t catch all of them. That’s what scares me.”

“Oh.” Gianna said. “You think someone like that could hurt me or Jules or Mia?”

“I know it sounds silly.” He said. “But when stuff like that happens to you, it leaves a mark. And when you do what I did for work for so long, that leaves a mark too, you don’t forget it and even if it seems like I go a little crazy sometimes, you girls are my whole heart. If something happened...I’d never forgive myself.”

Gianna looked at her father for a long time before flinging her one good arm around his neck and pulling him into a hug made awkward by her cast.

“I’m sorry Daddy.” She said. “I  _ know  _ we’ll be more careful, Daddy. Please don’t cry.”

“I know, baby.” He said. “I know, and I’ll try to go easier on you guys. I just know I’m not always gonna be there to protect you and I hate that. You’re my babies.”

“You’re my hero, Daddy.” Gianna said. “Jules and Mia too! We love you and don’t want you to be scared.”

“I know.” Derek said. “I love you too. All of you. I’m sorry I freaked out, I just wanna keep you safe.”

“We’ll be safe, Daddy.” She said. “I promise. I’m sorry we didn’t do what we were supposed to.”

“Okay.” He said. “Hey, and if anyone  _ ever  _ even  _ tries  _ to do something to you, tries to hurt you in any way, you know you can come tell me, right? You get as far away from them as you can and you come find me.”

Gianna nodded, burying her face in his neck.

“I love you girls.” He said. “And I’ll always try to protect you. Til the day I die, Daddy will always try to protect you, Gianna. Remember that.”

“I know.” Gianna said. “I love you dad.”

  
  


Gianna and her sisters saw their father in a new light after that. The overprotectiveness that had sometimes felt stifling now seemed different, knowing the reasons behind it. It hadn’t been about the broken arm, a broken bone would heal. And though Gianna and Mia would always have that sibling rivalry, and though they wouldn’t lose their childish recklessness entirely, they were more mindful after that. They would never be completely protected, but they had each other and they had their parents. They would never forget that, and after the incident at the park, they would appreciate their parents and each other even more.


	35. Little Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julia and Michael reflect on love, loss, and the way their lives have changed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Mentions of stillbirth, pregnancy/child loss, grief, and trauma.

_ Julia Morgan LaMontagne, age 33 _

_ Mia Morgan, age 31 _

_ Gianna Morgan, age 29 _

“What are you thinking about?”

Julia looked away from the window and smiled. It was summer, and the windows were open to let some cool air into her and Michael’s bedroom. The curtains billowed and Julia smoothed the fabric of her nightgown against her growing stomach.

“Today would have been his birthday.” She said. “Do you think he’d be happy for us?”

“I think he’d be glad we didn’t give up.” Michael said, coming up behind her and resting hands on her stomach. “I think he’d be excited to be a big brother.”

“I know.” Julia said. “I just don’t want him to feel like we’re forgetting about him, or he’s being replaced.”

“I think he knows.” Michael said. “Wherever he is, I think Noah understands that his little sister is  _ not  _ replacing him and that we will never forget him.”

Julia sighed, rubbing her belly where she felt their unborn daughter, Noah’s sister, kicking her happily. The last month had been a mess, with Julia working through her irrational fears of losing her second child the same way she had lost their son. Now that she was past that twenty week mark, the fear had lessened some, though she wouldn’t breathe a sigh of relief until her daughter was safe in their arms.

“You know,” She said. “If she’s born on my Mom’s birthday, I’ll never hear the end of it.”

“Aw, come on.” Michael teased. “You don’t want your mom’s little twin running around? You were her mini-me growing up, Jules.”

“I think one mini-Prentiss is enough.” Julia chuckled. Her expression softened. “I never thought we would ever get this far. Can you believe it?”

“Sometimes, it’s hard to believe.” Michael said, kissing her shoulders. “Sometimes I catch myself waiting for the other shoe to drop. But she’s healthy, Jules. Our little girl is perfectly healthy. We just saw her and we’ll see her again in a couple more weeks.”

Julia hummed a little. “And every couple of weeks til we meet her in person.” She said. “You ready?”

“I’ve been ready since I married you.” He said, turning her around to face him. “Hey, it’s okay, Jules. In a few more months she’ll be here, not long after your birthday, and she has you and me, and she’ll always have her brother watching over her.”

“I know.” Julia said. She smiled. “She’s kicking right now, you wanna feel her?”

Michael placed his hands on Julia’s stomach, his face breaking out into a bright smile as he felt his daughter moving steadily against his hand from within.

“Hey beautiful.” He said. “You’ve got a lot going on in there, huh little girl? Daddy loves you. I love you.”

“She likes when you talk to her.” Julia said. “She goes crazy whenever you do it. Hey, uh, do you think her name is a little too spot on?”

Michael looked up at her, not moving his hands.

“No.” He said. “Why, are you having second thoughts?”

“Not really.” She said. “But her name  _ literally  _ means ‘life’. I don’t know if that’s too poetic, considering…”

“I love her name.” He said, kissing her stomach. “She does too. Don’t you, Zoe?”

As if in response, Julia felt another swift kick against her stomach, and she laughed in spite of herself.

“She certainly has a lot of opinions.” She said. “Oh we  _ are  _ in for it with this little girl, aren’t we?”

“Maybe.” Michael said. He stood up. “But I’ll love her, just like I love Noah. So will you.”

Julia smiled. “Noah Isaac and Zoe Serena.” She mused. “They just fit together, don’t they?”

“They sure do.” Michael said, kissing her. “Come on, you beautiful mother to be. It’s late and you’ve got another long day of catching criminals and growing humans ahead of you. Let’s get some sleep.”

“Okay.” Julia said. She moved to pull back the covers on her side of the bed and stopped short, staring at her husband. “I love you, Michael.”

Michael smiled. “I love you too, Jules.”

  
  


They curled up close to one another in the dark, punctuating the silence with kisses and whispered “I love you’s”. At one point, Michael took Julia’s hand and placed his other on her stomach, adding Noah’s and Zoe’s names to the end of one such declaration. It had been a long road to get to this point, a long road to fix the cracks in their foundation that had appeared after they lost Noah, a longer road still until they had both been ready to bring Zoe into existence. Now they were coming to their destination, October and their little girl, beautiful and whole in their arms. Julia smiled in the dark, feeling Zoe kicking against her, and felt a peace within her that was hard-won. Losing Noah was a scar that would never fully heal, but in a way, it almost felt like he had sent his sister to them. He would always be with him, and now he would have a baby sister to shine a light on. He was her guardian angel, Zoe’s and theirs, and he always would be.

  
  



	36. Change of Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Mia’s college acceptances don’t go as planned, Mia has to decide what she really wants and examines another facet of her identity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter deals with topics regarding race and the experience of multiracial people in America. I did my best to research and educate myself on this topic before writing this chapter. I’m sure it’s more flawed than even I realize and should NOT be taken as a blanket commentary whatsoever. If you have concerns or constructive criticism, please message me as I do not want to misrepresent anyone or discredit the experience of anyone in any way.

It had been her dream since she was a little girl, the thing Mia had worked towards her whole life since that first ballet class. She would get into a performing arts school, work and train, then take the dance world by storm the way she had always wanted to.

Staring at the rejection letters that came in the mail, Mia realized that sometimes, dreams had to change.

“I don’t get it.” She said as her mother gave her a sympathetic squeeze. “I did everything right, my grades were good, I nailed my auditions…”

“Well, this one is a waitlist.” Derek said. “That isn’t so bad, just means they only have so many spots.”

“Yeah.” Mia said. “And they  _ still  _ picked someone else over me. I  _ know  _ I’ve got the talent, Dad!”

“I know that.” Derek said. “And I know you know that. So do your mother and your sisters.”

“So why don’t  _ they  _ see that?” Mia said. “I got waitlisted at my  _ safety  _ school! What am I supposed to do?”

“Well, maybe you could transfer.” Emily suggested. “I know the University of Virginia and UDC  _ both  _ accepted you, and you’re still waiting on George Mason, William and Mary, and Hampton. You could go for a year and apply for transfer if you still want to.”

“William and Mary waitlisted me too.” Mia said. “And Hampton is an HBCU!”

“What’s wrong with that?” Derek asked. “You  _ are  _ black, you know. Or did you forget?”

“Barely.” She muttered. “Julia could practically pass for white if she wanted to, I’m the one who can’t hide it.”

“Hey now, none of that.” Derek said sternly, kissing the top of her head. “There is  _ nothing  _ wrong with who you are, and quite frankly, I don’t like the idea of  _ any  _ of you girls wanting to hide who you are.”

“You don’t  _ get it,  _ Dad!” Mia said. “I don’t fit in anywhere! I don’t  _ look  _ white, but I get teased for ‘acting white’, whatever that means! How am I supposed to go to an HBCU and deal with all that? Besides, I might not even get in, and I wanted a performing arts school!”

“You never told me that!” Derek said. “Who’s been saying you act white?”

“It doesn’t matter.” Mia said. “I only  _ applied  _ to Hampton because Auntie Tara thought it was a good idea.”

“Well, maybe this is a blessing in disguise.” Emily said, trying to be helpful. “Who knows? You might go to Hampton and have all kinds of experiences that you wouldn’t have gotten at Juilliard or any of those other schools. You might even like it better.”

“I don’t know.” Mia said.

“Well, you don’t have to decide right this second.” Emily said, pecking her cheek. “Just try to keep an open mind, okay?”

“I’ll try.” Mia mumbled. “No promises, though.”

“Maybe you should talk to Devon’s mom.” Gianna, who had stayed quiet up until that moment said. “She went to Hampton  _ and  _ she wrote like a whole book about growing up mixed. It’s pretty good.”

“You read it?” Mia said. “I didn’t think you read anything that wasn’t for school besides sports magazines.”

“I read!” Gianna said defensively. “And I’m just saying, I learned a lot just from hanging out at Devon’s house. Yeah, his parents are kind of hard-asses, but they’re good people. Mrs. Williams is smart, she might be able to help you.”

“I’ll think about it.” Mia said. “Let’s see if I even get  _ accepted  _ into Hampton first.”

Mia sat on the decision for a couple of days. When a letter from Hampton University congratulating Mia on her acceptance into the school, Mia felt more conflicted than ever. Everything she had thought she had known had been turned on its head in a matter of days, and now Mia felt herself struggling with issues that she hadn’t been fully aware of. So Mia found herself walking the short distance to the Williams house one afternoon, wiping her palms on her jeans before knocking on the door. Nicole Williams answered moments later, and the woman’s eyebrows arched in surprise as she saw which Morgan sister was standing before her, clearly expecting Gianna instead.

“Mia.” Nicole said. “What can I do for you? I thought Gianna and Devon were going to a movie.”

“They are.” Mia said. “I was actually here to talk to you, if you’re not too busy.”

“Well, come on in.” Nicole said, ushering Mia inside with a wave of her hand. “How are you, sweetheart? Gigi said you were getting ready for college in the fall.”

“That’s actually what I came here to talk to you about.” Mia said. “Gianna said you went to Hampton University, I just got accepted there.”

“That’s wonderful!” Nicole said. “Some of my best memories are of Hampton. But judging by the look on your face, something tells me you’re not so excited about getting in. What’s on your mind?”

“I don’t know.” Mia sighed. “I wanted to go to school for dance, but I didn’t get into any of those schools, and I know Hampton is a good school, but…”

“But it’s not what you wanted.” Nicole said. “That’s understandable. But how did Hampton come into the conversation? I take it you applied for a reason?”

“My aunt, well, sort of aunt.” Mia said. “She thought it would be a good fit for me, I don’t know why.”

“Well, what’s holding you back?” Nicole asked. “Going to Hampton doesn’t mean you’d have to give up dance entirely, even if it wasn’t your focus.”

“It’s an HBCU.” Mia said. “Which is fine, don’t get me wrong, I just don’t know if that’s right for me.”

“I see.” Nicole said.

Mia shifted uncomfortably. “I don’t know.” She said. “I mean,  _ clearly  _ I’m not white but…”

“But you don’t feel black, either?” Nicole said. “And you’re wondering if you’re black enough for Hampton.”

“Right.” Mia said. “Pretty stupid, huh?”

“Not at all.” Nicole said. “You know my mother is white. She had me young, my father was a good man but he had his own problems, so I didn’t spend a lot of time with that side of my family. I was raised by my mother and my white grandparents, then every morning I went to a school that prided themselves on their diversity feeling like a fish out of water. Sound familiar?”

“Yeah, actually.” Mia said. “I feel like that a lot.”

“You feel like you don’t fit in with the white kids.” Nicole said. “But you don’t feel like you fit in with black kids either. You don’t feel accepted anywhere.”

“Exactly.” Mia said. “I get told that I talk white or I act white, but then I get white people who every time we talk about the civil rights movement or slavery ask me for the ‘black perspective’ like that’s all I am to them.”

“It can be hard.” Nicole nodded. “Being a part of two different cultures, yet not fully fitting in either. I had a whole identity crisis when I was about your age. But do you know what I found when I got to Hampton?”

“What?” Mia asked.

“I found an acceptance that I never had before.” Nicole said. “I became a part of something, and I stopped worrying about whether I was black enough to have a place there. Our experience with race is different, Mia, even growing up in a supposedly post-racial society. Now, I can’t tell you that I never felt the pressure to prove myself after going to Hampton, but I felt seen in a way I never had before.”

“So what you’re saying,” Mia said. “Is that I should give Hampton a chance?”

“I’m just saying don’t count it out.” Nicole said. “Life is hard enough when we’re not fighting what we see in the mirror. You’ve got to do what’s right for you, whether that’s Hampton or somewhere else.”

“Thanks, Mrs. Williams.” Mia said. “I’ll think about it.”

“Of course, sweetheart.” Nicole said. “I know I’m your sister’s boyfriend’s mother, but if you ever need to talk, about this or  _ anything  _ else, I’m a pretty good listener.”

Mia smiled. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

  
  


In the end, when it came time to decide, Mia weighed her experiences growing up, along with everything she had been through the past few years. She had come a long way from the confused girl she had been at the beginning of high school, and she had a long way to go yet. But the conversation with Mrs. Williams had changed Mia’s perspective, and though she wasn’t ready yet to let go entirely of her dreams of becoming a professional dancer, Mia found herself craving acceptance and a sense of belonging in education that she hadn’t found in twelve years of being in the public school system. Derek and Emily held her tight when she told them her decision, and when Mia confirmed her admission to Hampton University, she felt hopeful. It wasn’t Juilliard, it didn’t really bear any resemblance to her original plan, but plans changed, and maybe change wasn’t always a bad thing.


	37. Her Father’s Daughter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Gianna wakes up in a strange place, she finds herself in grave danger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: abduction, kidnapping, drugging, allusion to torture, implication of murder

_ Gianna Morgan, age 31 _

_ Mia Morgan, age 33 _

_ Julia Morgan LaMontagne, age 36 _

Gianna woke in a dark room, her head throbbing and her mouth as dry as sandpaper. She looked around trying to assess her surroundings and desperately trying to remember what she had been doing before she had lost consciousness. The walls were concrete and the only light in the room seemed to filter in through a grimy window high above where even she could easily reach. Gianna felt the sheets beneath her and guessed she was on a cot of some sort, when she tried to get up, she found that she was unable to move, due to the heavy chain around her left ankle. Fear gripped her as it all came rushing back.

_ “Ma’am?” A voice from behind her called. “I think this belongs to you, it fell out of your pocket.” _

_ Gianna smiled as she shifted and reached for the wallet the man was holding. “Oh, thanks!” She said. “God, losing that would have been a disaster!” _

_ “I’ll bet!” The man said. “Hey, have we met before? You look awfully familiar.” _

_ “You might know me if you follow basketball.” Gianna said. “I play for the WNBA. Point guard, Sparks.” _

_ “No shit?” He said. “Well how about that?” _

_ A beat of silence followed. Gianna shifted awkwardly on her feet. It was late, Devon was expecting her home any time. She cleared her throat. _

_ “Uh, well thank you so much again.” Gianna said. “I mean it. I have to go, my daughter is going through this clingy stage ever since she started preschool and my son is teething, so I really need to get home.” _

_ “Oh yeah, totally understand!” He chuckled. “You get home to those babies, mom.” _

_ Gianna smiled. “Have a good night.” _

_ “You too, ma’am.” _

_ Gianna felt a twinge of guilt as she watched from her peripheral vision to make sure the Good Samaritan turned to walk back to his vehicle before starting towards her own, key in hand. She chalked it up to having a family full of current and former FBI agents, it was hard not to be cautious. Moments later, she would find that caution wasn’t always enough as she looked up to see a figure in a dark hood approaching her. Gianna had been so preoccupied with the man who had picked up her wallet that she hadn’t noticed this figure lurking in the shadows by her SUV. There was no time to scream, or to run as the person closed the distance between them. Gianna hastily typed a message in her phone and hit ‘send’ as she threw it in the bushes. She was easily as tall as the person and she didn’t see any weapon, a flicker of hope flashed through Gianna’s brain that perhaps she could fight off her attacker, a hope that was dashed as the hooded figure grabbed her arm and injected her with a syringe full of liquid. Gianna’s world went dark. _

Now Gianna sat huddled on her cot in the dark, dingy room, what she thought might be a basement, and hoped. She hoped the code word she had typed in her message to Julia had been decipherable if not perfectly spelled right. She hoped that she had had enough signal for the message to go through, and that someone was already out there looking for her. Gianna had no idea how long she had been unconscious for, or how long she had been missing. She didn’t know why she had been taken, if she had been targeted specifically or if she had just been unlucky, a victim of opportunity. Gianna tried to push against the fog in her brain to survey the room further, trying to remember everything her parents and their extended BAU family had taught her growing up, knowing the chances of her ever needing it were small, but telling her anyway. Gianna had thought it was silly at the time, no one would ever abduct her, why would they?

Suddenly, it didn’t seem so silly anymore.

“Guess I’m keeping up the family tradition.” She muttered darkly to herself. “Getting kidnapped by a psychopath. Funny, I always thought it’d be Mia.”

Escape didn’t seem like an option. Even  _ if  _ she could get this chain from around her ankle, and even  _ if  _ she was able to find a way to break that dirty window, it was far too narrow for Gianna to fit through. There had to be a door somewhere, locked probably, so unless she could take her captor by surprise and get the upper hand, that was out, and in her current state, Gianna didn’t think she could fight off her two year old, much less what she assumed was probably a grown man. No, barring rescue, Gianna was stuck and the thought finally hit her.

She was probably going to die down here.

Gianna heard the door open and footsteps coming down the stairs. A man her height, with sandy blonde hair and watery green eyes stood before her, a tray with a glass of water and a sandwich on a plate in his hand. He stared at her and looked almost bored. He sighed and set the tray on the floor.

“Wait until I leave to approach the tray.” He said, reciting more than speaking to her. “Don’t try to break the plate or the cup to make a weapon, I’ll know as soon as I come back and it won’t end well for you.”

“What do you want?” Gianna asked.

The man ignores her. “Don’t try to scream for help.” He continued. “I mean you can if you want, but the house on the left has been empty for months, and the neighbors on the right are on vacation. Even if they weren’t, I doubt anyone can hear you down here.”

“I have money.” She said. “I’m a professional athlete. I can give you as much as you want, if you just contact my family, we can get it to you…”

“Why is it always money with you guys?” He said with a roll of his eyes. “I don’t care about the money, if I did, I wouldn’t be doing this.”

“Then what is it?” Gianna asked. “Why me? Did you just throw darts at a map of LA and decide that that was gonna be your hunting ground or what?”

“Ooh, hunting ground.” The man said. “I heard you were a Bureau baby. No, Gianna. I picked you out specifically. I hand pick all of my guests, but you’re extra special. But I’m sure your parents told you that you were special from the time you were born, huh? Emily Prentiss, unit chief turned Director, you were fresh out of the womb when she took the job, weren’t you? Her miracle baby.”

“Who are you?” Gianna said. “What do you want?”

“Tell me, Gianna.” He said. “Did your mommy and daddy ever discuss their old cases with you? Maybe to scare you into being more careful? There are  _ so  _ many bad people out there, after all…”

“They tried not to.” She said. “They wanted to let me be a child for as long as possible. Is that what happened to  _ you?  _ You had to grow up too fast, never got a real childhood and that triggered your desire to kill?”

“Bravo.” The man said, clapping his hands. “And to think you waste your time throwing a ball around for money when clearly, you should have followed in your mother and father’s footsteps.”

“You’re probably gonna kill me anyway.” Gianna said, eyes flashing. “Why all the sarcasm? If I’m gonna die, you might as well give it to me straight.”

“You’re your father’s daughter.” He remarked. “Funny how that works out. You’re your father’s daughter, I’m my father’s son...your father, and mother, let’s not leave dear old mom out of this, they  _ took  _ my father from me. Now I’ve taken their daughter from them. It’s damn near poetic, if you think about it.”

“So this is revenge.” She said. “A daughter for a father. Do I at least get to know the name of the man I’m dying for you to avenge?”

“Clark Samuels.” He said. “Killed a bunch of pretty little girls up in Missouri back in the day. I was just a little tyke when they caught him. My first memory is of  _ your  _ father gunning mine down. That was maybe…what? Eight years before you were born?”

“Your father was a murderer.” 

“And yours wasn’t?” He snapped. “Just because his was government sanctioned, that makes it right?”

“You don’t think he would have turned on you eventually?” She said. “The second you got in his way or became inconvenient, he would have killed you too.”

“Maybe that would have been better!” He said. “Better than living with a mother who couldn’t stand the sight of me because I reminded her of him, better than moving all over the country because the neighbors would  _ always  _ find out about dad and start harassing us, better than seeing my dad dying every time I closed my eyes! I wish he  _ had _ lived to kill me!”

“This won’t help.” Gianna said. “Killing me might help for a while, but it won’t make it go away forever. I’ll be cold in the ground and you’ll be right back where you started, broken and alone.”

The man made a show of seeming to consider Gianna’s words then shrugged.

“I won’t kill you right away.” He said. “I need you to suffer first, the way I suffered. Then your mother and your father can live the rest of their lives knowing that their daughter is gone because of what  _ they  _ did.”

“They’ll never stop.” Gianna said. “Even if you kill me and hide the body, they’ll never stop looking for me.”

He shrugged again. “Guess we’ll be even then.”

With that, the man turned on his heel and went back up the stairs, closing and locking the door behind him with a click. Gianna sighed and rested her head against the concrete wall, staring at the tray that her captor had left. She didn’t know if she could trust any food he made, though if he was honest about wanting to make her suffer, Gianna supposed he would want her strong and alert enough to feel the full effects of what he had planned. She picked up the sandwich and took a bite. It was turkey and cheese. Just a regular sandwich. Gianna finished the whole thing in three more bites, but took her time sipping the water. As she sat back and drank, she began to plan.

Gianna might die down here, but one thing was for sure: She wasn’t going down without a fight, and if she died, she was going to take that son of a bitch with her.

  
  


_ The story will continue from Julia’s point of view. _

  
  



	38. Sisterly Bond

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julia and Jack race against the clock to find Gianna before time runs out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: kidnapping, abduction, mention of death, mention of murder

_ Julia Morgan LaMontagne, age 36 _

_ Mia Morgan, age 33 _

_ Gianna Morgan, age 31 _

Twenty-four hours.

It had been twenty-four hours since she had gotten that text. Twenty-four hours since Gianna’s phone had gone to voicemail no matter how many times Julia had tried calling her. Twenty-four hours since she had called Jack in a panic, explaining the code word that she had given to her sisters if they ever found themselves in danger the day she had joined the Bureau and that they needed to get out to Los Angeles  _ now  _ and to hell with protocol. They had taken Julia’s personal cell phone for analysis, trying to find anything that could help them locate Gianna. It didn’t matter, the word on the screen was burned into Julia’s memory, a word leftover from stories that her mother and JJ had told her years ago.

_ Blackbird. _

Julia blinked, her eyes watering and stinging under the harsh fluorescent lights of the police station. They had gotten to work right away, investigating the crime scene and recovering Gianna’s phone, searching her abandoned SUV. When their media liaison went to the press asking for information, a man named George Abernathy had come forward almost immediately as a witness, and though Julia had wanted to question him herself, Jack had insisted that she observe from behind the two-way mirror, reasoning that if Abernathy had anything to do with Gianna’s disappearance, he would see the resemblance between the two sisters and might start playing mind games.

_ “Mr. Abernathy.” Jack said. “Can you describe what happened last night as best you can. No detail is too insignificant. Did you see Gianna Morgan?” _

_ “Well yeah.” George said. “Nice lady, she dropped her wallet coming out of the supermarket, so I ran to return it to her. She looked kinda familiar so I asked if we knew each other, and she told me she’s a basketball player. My daughter loves the Sparks, I’m surprised I didn’t recognize her right off the bat.” _

_ “Okay.” Jack said. “So you hand her back the wallet and then what? Did you make small talk?” _

_ “Not really.” He shrugged. “She said she had to get home to her kids, which I can understand, got four of them myself. She seemed a little bit uncomfortable, which now...man, I should have offered to walk her to her car, but a strange man in a parking lot in the middle of the night...I hope you find her, that’s just horrible. I can’t imagine if it was my little Hannah.” _

_ “Mr. Abernathy, this is important.” Jack said. “Did you see  _ anything  _ else? Something that could give us any indication of who her kidnapper was or where they were taking her?” _

_ “Well now that you mention it.” Abernathy said. “I  _ did  _ see a big white van flying like a bat out of hell outta there when I hit the red light. I honked my horn, that guy coulda killed someone. I think he went left down Victory and Buena Vista. Don’t remember much except it was a Chevy and the plates weren’t from here. Mississippi maybe? Or Missouri, I always get those two mixed up. It needed a good wash, too.” _

_ “Thank you, Mr. Abernathy.” Jack said. “You’ve been very helpful, you’re free to go. May I call you if I have any more questions?” _

_ “Sure thing.” He said. “You need my number?” _

_ “If you could just leave it with my colleague…” _

As it had turned out, George Abernathy had left it with Julia, and if he thought she bore any resemblance to Gianna, he didn’t show it. One glance at Jack confirmed what Julia already knew, Abernathy wasn’t their unsub. She sighed in frustration. A white Chevrolet van with Missouri or Mississippi plates in a city of millions was as meager a breadcrumb as they could possibly ask for, but it was all they had. Their technical analyst was already searching, trying to narrow the search, but Julia had a sinking feeling that the longer it took, the less likely they were to find her sister alive. Jack was clearly thinking the same thing as he patted Julia on the shoulder.

“Morgan.” He said. “I know you want to find your sister, but I’m worried that you’re too close to this. If we don’t find Gianna in time…”

“You will.” Julia said. “She’s alive. I can feel it.”

“But if something happens…” Jack said. “I can’t let you let your emotions cloud your judgement. This is your baby sister we’re talking about. You’re compromised.”

“And you’re not?” Julia asked. “Jack Hotchner, you’ve known Gigi since she was in diapers, you can’t tell me that you’re any less impartial than I am.”

“She’s not my sister.” He said. “Jules, I want to find Gianna as much as you do, but we need to be prepared to face the possibility that this might not have a happy ending.”

Julia shook her head. “Gigi is strong.” She said. “She’s a Morgan, a- a Prentiss. She’s not gonna go down without a fight and if we don’t- if we don’t find her alive, I need to be there. I need to know that she fought, I need to be able to tell my mom and dad that she fought to get back to us, but I am  _ not  _ giving up on her. Not yet, not when there’s a chance she’s still alive.”

“You know.” Jack said with a small smile playing across his face. “Everyone always talks about how much you’re like your mom, but I think there’s a little more Derek Morgan in you than anyone thinks.”

“If it helps us find her, that’s a good thing.” Julia said, smiling and wiping her eyes. “We got security cam footage from those streets?”

“Reyes is looking at it now.” Jack nodded. “We’re trying to see if we can get a partial plate.”

As if on cue, Julia’s phone rang, the ID telling that it was Marco Reyes, the technical analyst for the BAU. From the stories her parents had told her, Marco was no Penelope Garcia, but he was good at what he did, and his directness was something that, now more than ever, Julia appreciated.

“What have you got for me?” She asked.

“Hello to you too, Julia.” Reyes said. “Well, I’ve gotta be honest, our guy didn’t make it easy on us  _ but  _ I have some good news! I was able to get most of the plate and ran it against white Chevrolet vans registered in Mississippi  _ and  _ Missouri.”

“Did you get a hit?” Jack asked.

“Yeah, for a Adelaide Connover, formerly Samuels.” He said. “She changed back to her maiden name after her husband was killed in a standoff with federal agents, and guess who the agent was holding the gun?”

Julia sighed. “One of ours?”

“The agent in question.” Reyes said. “Was none other than Derek Morgan, supervisory special agent in the BAU circa 2012 and your dear old dad.”

“Great.” She said. “So this could be revenge.”

“Well, wait a minute.” Jack said. “That was almost forty years ago, that woman has to be close to eighty.”

“Actually she’s dead.” Reyes said. “A stroke, late last year. Here’s the thing though, they had a son, Josh, he was about six when his dad died and get this, he was there when it happened, saw the whole thing  _ and  _ after his mom died, he moved out of Missouri and no one has heard from him since until six months ago when he rented a house guess where? Los Angeles.”

“Awesome, Reyes.” Julia said. “You got an address?”

“Sending it to your phones now.”

“Good work, Marco.” Jack said. “Thanks.”

“Anytime, folks.”

Julia hung up the phone and looked at Jack, he nodded, eyes serious. His dark blonde hair was showing the first hints of gray and in the six years since Julia had joined the BAU, he seemed to age a decade. Though she had never met her, Julia had grown up hearing that Jack favored his late mother in looks, but the expression on his face as he looked at her now was all his dad, serious and determined.

“I’ll get the team together.” He said. “Just remember what I said, Julia. If things go south…”

“I’m an agent first, a sister second.” Julia said. “I got it.”

“Good.” Jack said. “Now lets go bring her home.”

Julia felt a twinge of fear as she put on her Kevlar and headed to the SUV. The truth was, she didn’t know I what they would find when they got to Josh Connover’s house, what condition Gianna would be in, if she was alive, or if Josh was even holding her there. But one thing was for sure, Julia was going to bring her sister home if it was the last thing she did.

_ The story will continue from Gianna’s point of view. _

  
  



	39. His Father’s Son

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gianna’s situation becomes dire as Julia tries desperately to rescue her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: torture, violence, gore, death

_ Gianna Morgan, age 31 _

_ Mia Morgan, age 33 _

_ Julia Morgan, age 36 _

Gianna spat blood and looked up furiously at Josh Connover. He had come back maybe an hour after Gianna had finished her sandwich and then it had begun. Her stomach lurched at the smell of her own burnt flesh and her body screamed where he had set a hot iron to her and the sweat rolling down her face stung where he had cut her cheek, and she tasted even more blood where she had bit her tongue to keep from crying out in pain. It had been going on for hours with no end sight. Still, Gianna refused to give Connover the satisfaction of knowing just how badly she was suffering and she stared him down, challenging him.

“Do it.” She hissed. “Kill me.”

“Not until you beg for mercy.” He replied.

“Then it sounds like I’m going to be living for a lot longer.” Gianna said, a barking laugh escaping from cracked lips. “I’ll never beg.”

“You will eventually.” Connover said. “They always do.”

“Fuck you.” Gianna said and spat at him, earning a slap in the face.

“You ever wonder  _ why  _ I chose you?” He asked. “You have two older sisters. It would have been much easier to overpower Mia Morgan, all five foot three inches of her, considerably weaker than you. Or Julia, the criminal profiler. Getting to her would have been as easy as leaving a trail of breadcrumbs. Why you?”

“I don’t know.” She said. “I have a- a public presence, my disappearance would garner more attention.”

“Please.” He said, laughing. “If anything, your ‘celebrity status’ made you harder to get at. You’re in top physical shape, we’re evenly matched in height, if I hadn’t drugged you, there would have been a struggle. You might have even gotten away.”

“Okay.” Gianna said. “I’ll bite. Why me?”

“Why,” Connover said with a smile. “Because your death would hurt the most.”

Gianna blinked. “What?”

“Come on.” Josh said. “Baby of the family, rough start. Your mother was on bed rest how long with you? And then being premature. You’re clearly your father’s favorite, though he’ll never admit it, and your sisters will always view you as a child in need of protection. You die, and they all fall apart. Losing you will destroy every single person who loves you.”

On the end of that sentence, Connover slugged Gianna in the stomach, punctuating every word with his first, and it was all Gianna could do not to cry out. Still, she only grunted in pain, even as her body begged for relief from the trauma it was enduring. The edges of her vision began to go dark and Gianna coughed and spluttered and gasped for breath.

“You’re wrong.” She said, voice raspy.

Josh Connover raised an eyebrow. “About?”

“Julia’s the favorite.” Gianna said. “Mom’s  _ and  _ Dad’s. I was a daddy’s girl but I always knew. Julia could do no wrong in his eyes and it showed. And her and Mia always had a special relationship I could never touch. You picked the wrong sister. It’s hilarious.”

“Well in that case.” He said, picking up a rusty pair of gardening shears. “I guess we’ll see which one of us is right when they find your broken, mangled body…”

That’s when everything became a blur. Gianna managed to kick Connover hard enough that he stumbled, and Gianna leapt up, gathering as much of the chain that shackled her to the wall as she could manage and wrapped it around his neck. She could hear some sort of banging from upstairs but Gianna was too busy focusing on fighting for her life as Connover struggled and clawed at her hands. He bucked against her but Gianna refused to let go.

“I won.” She snarled. “I’ve been stalling this whole time, waiting for a moment to distract you long enough to get you to let your guard down. I’m gonna get out of here, and you can burn in hell!”

The door to the basement was kicked open with a loud bang and Gianna looked up for a split second to see what or who had done it, but it was long enough for Josh Connover to break free and grab the gardening shears. A shot rang out, taking Connover down but not before he plunged the shears into Gianna’s abdomen. Julia’s face behind the smoking gun was what Gianna saw before she collapsed on the floor.

“I need a medic!” Julia shouted. “Now!”

Gianna could feel herself going into shock, the corners of her vision darkening. She groaned in pain as Julia’s face came into focus, looming over her like a guardian angel, or perhaps an angel of death.

“Jules?” She mumbled.

“Yeah, Gi.” Julia said. “It’s me. You’re pretty banged up but help is on the way. I just need you to hang on.”

“I knew you’d come.” Gianna said, wincing. “I knew that you would find me.”

“I’ll always come for you.” Julia said. “We’re sisters.”

“I’m not doing too hot, Jules.” Gianna said. “He- he messed me up pretty bad, I don’t know…”

“No! Don’t say that!” Julia said, choking back the tears threatening to spill over. “You’re gonna be  _ fine.  _ Help is coming, just stay with me, Gigi, stay with me.”

“It’s okay.” Gianna said. “Let me go.”

“No, I will not let you go!” Julia said. “You’re my baby sister, you’re a fighter. You’ve been fighting since before you were born and I am  _ not  _ letting you go out like this. Not like this.”

Gianna smiled weakly as her eyes began to close. Julia grabbed her sister’s hands, barely able to see through her own tears, her panic choking her.

“Gianna? No!” Julia said. “No, stay with me! If you can hear me, just squeeze my hand.”

It was faint, but Julia felt it. That tiny squeeze that let her know that for now, her baby sister was still with her. It seemed like an eternity before the medics took Gianna away on a stretcher, and Julia could barely remember the ride over to the hospital. Jack took care of calling Devon and their parents, all Julia could do was sit and pray. She wasn’t religious but if there was a god out there listening, she was praying to them. Jack forced her to drink water and take a couple bites of granola bar as she waited anxiously for any news about Gianna. At some point, Julia didn’t know how many hours had passed since they had rushed Gianna into surgery, Derek, Emily, Mia, and Devon arrived. Jack got everyone up to speed and Derek sat down beside his eldest daughter, putting a hand on hers.

“I wasn’t fast enough.” Julia whispered. “Daddy, if she dies...if she doesn’t- it’s all my fault. If I- if I had just gotten there a minute sooner…”

“Julia, don’t do that to yourself.” Derek said. “Trust me, baby, I’ve been in your shoes. You did the best you could. Gianna is strong.”

“Is this how you felt?” Julia asked him, tears streaming down her face. “With Mom?”

“Yeah.” Derek said. “And I tortured myself for seven months because of it.”

“I don’t know what I’m gonna do if she doesn’t make it, Dad!” Julia said. “I’m not ready to let her go.”

Derek opened his mouth to say something but before he could, a doctor entered the waiting room. The world seemed to stop as Julia got up to approach him, Hope and fear battling within her for dominance. She felt a hand steadying her shoulder, and out of the corner she saw her dad. The doctor addressed her first.

“As you know, your sister lost a lot of blood.” He said slowly. “But we managed to stabilize her. She’ll have a long road to recovery, but she’s out of the woods.”

“Oh thank god.” Emily said, though to Julia she sounded far away. “When can we see her?”

“In a few hours.” The doctor said. “She’s resting, but it might be a while before she wakes up.”

“I wanna be there when she wakes up.” Julia said, glancing at Devon. “If that’s okay.”

“I’m fine with that.” Devon nodded. “Something tells me she’s gonna want to see you, Jules.”

“Yeah.” Julia said quietly. “I hope so.”

It was late at night when Gianna finally woke up. Devon had gone back home to change clothes and put Delilah and Jamal to bed, and the rest of the family as well as Julia’s team had gone back to the hotel to get some sleep, so the two sisters were alone, Julia clinging to Gianna’s hand, half asleep herself. Gianna squeezed her sister’s hand gently, causing Julia to look up and smile warmly at her.

“Hey.” Julia said. “Look who’s up.”

“I feel like hell.” Gianna said, wincing. “What happened to him? The guy who almost killed me?”

“He’s dead Gigi.” Julia said. “He can never hurt you or anyone else ever again.”

“Good.” Gianna said, closing her eyes. “Thank you.”

Julia frowned. “For what?”

“For not giving up on me.” Gianna said. “Even when I was giving up on myself. They told me I coded twice in surgery and I think- I think I held on because of you.”

“Oh, Gi.” Julia said. “You have a lot more to live for than just me. Your husband, two beautiful babies, parents who love you, a niece...maybe even a nephew here pretty soon…”

“What?” Gianna said. “No way! Jules?”

“I haven’t even told Michael yet.” Julia said. “I just found out, but I wanted to tell you first. I thought I was gonna lose you today, Gigi.”

“I know.” Gianna said. “So did I. But I kept hearing your voice, telling me to keep fighting. I think that’s what kept me going, Julia, I really do.”

“Then I’m glad.” Julia said, her smile softening. “I love you so much, Gianna.”

“I love you too, Jules.” Gianna replied. “And I plan on sticking around for a long time, especially knowing that I’m gonna have a new niece or nephew to spoil!”

“You better!” Julia laughed. “Do you want me to leave so you can get some sleep?”

“Not yet.” Gianna said. “I think I just need my big sister right now.”

Julia smiled, tears springing to her eyes again. 

“Okay.” She said. “I’ll stay as long as you want.”

And stay she did, holding on to Gianna’s hand with hers as if she was afraid to let go. The rest of the family would see her the following morning, and Gianna would begin the road to recovery. It had been a close call, but her sister had saved her, the way Gianna knew she would. Julia had always been there to catch Gianna when she fell and when she had needed her most, Julia had been there. It was something Gianna would forever be grateful for, and she would remember it for the rest of her life.


	40. Full Circle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julia bonds with her daughter, and Emily bonds with Julia.

_ Julia Morgan LaMontagne, age 34 _

_ Mia Morgan, age 31 _

_ Gianna Morgan, age 29 _

Julia rocked her newborn daughter in the same rocking chair that her mother had rocked her to sleep in when she had been a baby. Her parents had surprised her at her baby shower with it, Derek had made a few repairs and given it a fresh coat of paint, and when Julia had realized what it was, she had cried. Now she gazed down at Zoe, stroking the sleeping baby’s cheek with her finger. She had missed being born on her grandmother’s birthday by two days, though Emily still declared her the best belated birthday present she could ever ask for. Zoe yawned, her tiny nose scrunching up, so much like her mother’s. Julia felt an overwhelming sense of love as she stared at her baby girl, all olive skin and soft brown curls. She looked up at her own mother who stood in the doorway, watching her with Zoe in the glow of the fading daylight.

“Is she asleep yet?” Emily said quietly. “I don’t want to wake her, I just can’t get enough of that little face.”

“I know what you mean.” Julia said. “Sometimes I stay up late into the night just watching her.”

“I used to do that when you girls were babies.” Emily said, inching closer. “I don’t know though, there’s something different about watching your baby with a baby of her own. It’s surreal.”

“Did you ever think that this day would come?” Julia asked.

“I hoped it would.” Emily said. “You’ve come a long way, my sweet girl. And I know Noah is smiling down at his mom and baby sister right now.”

“I know, I can feel him.” Julia said. “He’s as real as Zoe and I love him just as much.”

“You always will.” Emily said and kissed Julia on the top of her head. “I’m proud of you, sweetheart. More than you will ever know.”

Julia looked up at her mother. “Mama, everything I am is because of you.” She said. “I wouldn’t be the woman that I am today without you, and I just hope I can be there for Zoe the way you’ve always been there for me.”

A lump formed in Emily’s throat as she fought back tears. Her mind flooded with snapshots of her with Julia in that same rocking chair over the years, from the first night after they had brought her home from the NICU, to long nights of teething, to the night before Julia had started kindergarten. Now she got to watch Julia do the same thing with Zoe, the cycle continuing.

“I love you.” Emily said, clearing her throat. “So much.”

“Oh, Mom.” Julia said. “I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

“It’s okay.” Emily said, kissing her head again. “All I ever wanted was to do right by you girls, and I’m happy that you feel like I have.”

“You did, Mom.” Julia said. “You still do. Every day.”

“And you will too.” Emily said. “Zoe is a very lucky girl.”

Julia smiled at her mother, then looked down at her daughter who stirred in her sleep, shifting to be closer to the warmth of Julia’s body.

“She looks more like you than I did.” Julia said, chuckling. “She’s got that same nose.”

“She’s perfect.” Emily said. “Just like her brother, just like her mom.”

“I love you, Mama.” Julia said. “Do you want to help me put this girl to bed?”

“Do you even have to ask?” Emily replied, helping her daughter up. “As if I would pass up the chance to give my grandbaby one more good night kiss.”

Emily and Julia walked side by side, each planting soft kisses on Zoe’s tiny forehead before Julia carefully lowered the baby into the Moses basket that stayed beside her and Michael’s bed at all times. Julia smiled down at her baby daughter, gently running her thumb across the baby’s cheek. Emily stood staring at her oldest daughter, spellbound by the sight of her. She saw every version of Julia that had ever existed, who she was now, and Emily thought she caught a glimpse of who her daughter was still becoming. It struck her that Julia was more radiant than Emily had ever seen her. This girl she used to rock to sleep each night had grown into a woman, had suffered unimaginable pain and come out on the other side. She was strong in ways that Emily didn’t think she would ever understand, and Emily felt an overwhelming sense of love and pride as she looked at her baby, who was looking at  _ her  _ baby. Julia turned to see Emily watching her and she looked at her mother curiously.

“Mom?” Julia asked. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” Emily said with a smile. She patted her daughter on the arm. “I’m good. I just feel  _ very  _ lucky that I got to be your mom, that’s all.”

“Now you’re gonna make  _ me  _ cry.” Julia said, chuckling slightly. “Come on, Dad said dinner would be ready by seven, and she’ll be up to eat again soon.”

“Okay.” Emily said. “But then I want you and Michael to relax. Daddy and I have the rest covered, and JJ and Will have tomorrow. Right now we want you guys to focus on Zoe and each other. Don’t worry about anything else.”

Julia smiled warmly and kissed her mother on the cheek. “How did I get so lucky?”

Emily returned her smile. “I’ve been asking myself that question since the day you were born.

She gave Julia’s arm a squeeze and the mother and daughter walked to the kitchen where Derek was putting food on the table. The next several weeks would go in a similar fashion, with either Derek and Emily or JJ and Will, sometimes both. Many of those nights ended with Julia falling asleep, her head resting on Emily’s shoulder as Derek laid a blanket over her. It was these moments that Emily cherished most with her daughter, moments that took her back to the early days, when Julia was just a baby herself. It amazed Emily how in a little less than thirty-five years, things had come full circle. Her babies were all grown up with children of their own, and though Emily desperately missed the days when the girls were little, she couldn’t help but smile.

This was the way it was supposed to be. The world turned and her babies grew up, and Emily felt a sense of peace. All was well.


End file.
